viv-3 - Hello Poetry

My father says he’s not sexist He taught me how to work a circuit breaker But only my brother learned how to install light fixtures My father says he’s not sexist He taught me how to mow a lawn But only my brother learned how to work a chainsaw My father says he’s not sexist He bought me slacks for a program But only after saying I look better in skirts My father says he’s not sexist He encouraged me to play soccer But only got excited when my brother played My father says he’s not sexist He told me to be confident with my body But he told me that I need to work out more My father says he’s not sexist He said that he’d love my hair no matter how I style it But he’s forbidden me to let it be less than 5 inches My father says he’s not sexist He wanted me to speak my mind But he rolled his eyes when I stated my opinions My father says he’s not sexist He insisted that both of his children were equal But only his son gets rewarded for doing what’s expected of him

0

Aug 31, 2018

Aug 31, 2018 at 8:34 PM UTC

What I remember most, Was what we were wearing. Spandex shorts with mesh over them. It was the style, For sporty girls like us Young enough to rip our jeans playing, But old enough to know better We were on the girl’s soccer team, Middle school 7th and 8th grade. I was in 7th, Proud to picked out of the 50 girls For a team of 20. We had a bond on the field That didn’t exist during school. In school, We were outcasts, Girls who did sports, Had no boyfriends Because sports came first. And boys Didn’t like Coming second. On that fateful day, We were on the football field Boy’s track wasn’t practicing So we were alone on that field, With our male coach. The school was deserted Except for the roof, Where the construction workers Were replacing our roof. Like any other day We started stretching While coach was talking What drills we were running today, What we did wrong last game. Downwards we bent, Our backs to the school. And then we heard it “Just like that baby!” Our heads snapped up, Looking for the track boy who said it. But the track was empty, The call had come From the roof. To our coach we looked, Waiting for him to say Something, Anything, He didn’t. He just kept talking drills. So we continued, Stretching forwards and backwards. Then it came again “That’s how you do it!” “Yeah, get ready for me!” And then laughter, Coach kept talking. Our cheeks burned, Just like when the boys at school Told us that We’d look cuter With our uniform shirts Unbuttoned just One more And our skirts a little Higher. A wolf whistle sounded, And we stopped. The shame burning, In our bodies. Knowing that something was wrong, But not what it was. This was what happened in school, So this was normal Right? Our captain, Decided that we were done stretching. Coach didn’t notice that We had stopped sooner. So we ran drills, And scrimmaged, And trained, And ignored the hoots, Hollers, Words of perversity, That echoed in our ears. When we were done, It was past 5. The crew had left, The sun was setting, And we went home. I hopped on my bike, And ride home alone. A little faster that normal, But not knowing What I was running From. The next day, We had practice And coach was late. He came to the field With our vice principal She had something to say. She heard what happened yesterday, And it was not ok. Those men were removed from the site, And won’t be back. What happened wasn’t right That was ****** harassment And that’s against the law. No one Should ever be allowed To talk about us, Like we’re objects Incapable of responding, Of feeling, Of being in control, If it ever happened again, Come to her office Tell an adult. And with that She was gone. In that moment, We were empowered, We were strong. And with that power, Practice began. With our heads held high, We stretched Bending down farther. And from the roof Was silence.

0

Apr 30, 2018

Apr 30, 2018 at 5:50 PM UTC

viv-3

Soccer Girls

What I remember most, Was what we were wearing. Spandex shorts with mesh over them. It was the style, For sporty girls like us Young enough to rip our jeans playing, But old enough to know better We were on the girl’s soccer team, Middle school 7th and 8th grade. I was in 7th, Proud to picked out of the 50 girls For a team of 20. We had a bond on the field That didn’t exist during school. In school, We were outcasts, Girls who did sports, Had no boyfriends Because sports came first. And boys Didn’t like Coming second. On that fateful day, We were on the football field Boy’s track wasn’t practicing So we were alone on that field, With our male coach. The school was deserted Except for the roof, Where the construction workers Were replacing our roof. Like any other day We started stretching While coach was talking What drills we were running today, What we did wrong last game. Downwards we bent, Our backs to the school. And then we heard it “Just like that baby!” Our heads snapped up, Looking for the track boy who said it. But the track was empty, The call had come From the roof. To our coach we looked, Waiting for him to say Something, Anything, He didn’t. He just kept talking drills. So we continued, Stretching forwards and backwards. Then it came again “That’s how you do it!” “Yeah, get ready for me!” And then laughter, Coach kept talking. Our cheeks burned, Just like when the boys at school Told us that We’d look cuter With our uniform shirts Unbuttoned just One more And our skirts a little Higher. A wolf whistle sounded, And we stopped. The shame burning, In our bodies. Knowing that something was wrong, But not what it was. This was what happened in school, So this was normal Right? Our captain, Decided that we were done stretching. Coach didn’t notice that We had stopped sooner. So we ran drills, And scrimmaged, And trained, And ignored the hoots, Hollers, Words of perversity, That echoed in our ears. When we were done, It was past 5. The crew had left, The sun was setting, And we went home. I hopped on my bike, And ride home alone. A little faster that normal, But not knowing What I was running From. The next day, We had practice And coach was late. He came to the field With our vice principal She had something to say. She heard what happened yesterday, And it was not ok. Those men were removed from the site, And won’t be back. What happened wasn’t right That was ****** harassment And that’s against the law. No one Should ever be allowed To talk about us, Like we’re objects Incapable of responding, Of feeling, Of being in control, If it ever happened again, Come to her office Tell an adult. And with that She was gone. In that moment, We were empowered, We were strong. And with that power, Practice began. With our heads held high, We stretched Bending down farther. And from the roof Was silence.

134

Depression is romantic He’s the guy of every girl’s dreams He’s always there for you it seems When you fall, he’s right there In your arms you’ll lay And he doesn’t lie and say everything is ok Depression is a stalker He never leaves you alone He says that he is your home When you think you’re by yourself He’s only a step behind you Because he stays true Depression is possessive He holds onto you tight When you cry at night He freaks out when you’re not with him When you come back he smiles again Having you is is biggest win Depression is abusive He never wants you to leave It isn’t wise of you to try and deceive When you think you’re free You’re pulled back into his embrace But his hug is like a slap in the face Depression is toxic Horrible, filthy, a disgrace But it feels so good when he cradles your face His attention is comforting Without him you’d be truly lonely He never lets you forget that he’s your one and only

0

Apr 5, 2018

Apr 5, 2018 at 6:58 PM UTC

viv-3

Depression

Depression is romantic He’s the guy of every girl’s dreams He’s always there for you it seems When you fall, he’s right there In your arms you’ll lay And he doesn’t lie and say everything is ok Depression is a stalker He never leaves you alone He says that he is your home When you think you’re by yourself He’s only a step behind you Because he stays true Depression is possessive He holds onto you tight When you cry at night He freaks out when you’re not with him When you come back he smiles again Having you is is biggest win Depression is abusive He never wants you to leave It isn’t wise of you to try and deceive When you think you’re free You’re pulled back into his embrace But his hug is like a slap in the face Depression is toxic Horrible, filthy, a disgrace But it feels so good when he cradles your face His attention is comforting Without him you’d be truly lonely He never lets you forget that he’s your one and only

30

I wish they would’ve told me about EDNOS Eating disorder not otherwise specified That just because I don’t throw up or starve myself extremely Doesn’t mean that I’m fine But they didn’t tell me So my EDNOS I kept to myself I thought that it was just me That I didn’t need help I wish they would’ve told me about real depression That it’s not always sudden It can creep up on you That it’s not always so obvious But they didn’t tell me So my depression I hid I thought that if no one noticed, then it didn’t exist That I didn’t need help I wish they would’ve told me about real self harm That it’s not just cutting Self harm is hurting yourself And it isn’t always ****** But they didn’t tell me So I told myself that it wasn’t self harm That biting bruises in my arms was ok Scratching myself to cope wasn’t really self harm I wish they would’ve told me about anxiety That it’s unexplainable to anyone How one minute your fine and the next You feel like you’re dying But they didn’t tell me So my anxiety I dismissed My fears weren’t explainable When I couldn’t breathe, I was fine I wish that they told me that it was about me How I felt How no one could invalidate my issues Even if I didn’t fit the definitions perfectly But they didn’t tell me So when my mom said I was PMSing Myself I started second guessing Maybe how I felt was normal Above all I wish they would’ve told me to tell someone That handling my health by myself is hard Too big a burden to handle on my own You can’t use your mind to fix what’s inside your mind But they didn’t tell me So I struggle alone with my depression and anxiety I suffer in silence with the evidence of my self harm and EDNOS And soon they won’t be able to tell me anything anymore

0

Mar 13, 2018

Mar 13, 2018 at 8:42 PM UTC

viv-3

I wish They Would’ve Told Me

I wish they would’ve told me about EDNOS Eating disorder not otherwise specified That just because I don’t throw up or starve myself extremely Doesn’t mean that I’m fine But they didn’t tell me So my EDNOS I kept to myself I thought that it was just me That I didn’t need help I wish they would’ve told me about real depression That it’s not always sudden It can creep up on you That it’s not always so obvious But they didn’t tell me So my depression I hid I thought that if no one noticed, then it didn’t exist That I didn’t need help I wish they would’ve told me about real self harm That it’s not just cutting Self harm is hurting yourself And it isn’t always ****** But they didn’t tell me So I told myself that it wasn’t self harm That biting bruises in my arms was ok Scratching myself to cope wasn’t really self harm I wish they would’ve told me about anxiety That it’s unexplainable to anyone How one minute your fine and the next You feel like you’re dying But they didn’t tell me So my anxiety I dismissed My fears weren’t explainable When I couldn’t breathe, I was fine I wish that they told me that it was about me How I felt How no one could invalidate my issues Even if I didn’t fit the definitions perfectly But they didn’t tell me So when my mom said I was PMSing Myself I started second guessing Maybe how I felt was normal Above all I wish they would’ve told me to tell someone That handling my health by myself is hard Too big a burden to handle on my own You can’t use your mind to fix what’s inside your mind But they didn’t tell me So I struggle alone with my depression and anxiety I suffer in silence with the evidence of my self harm and EDNOS And soon they won’t be able to tell me anything anymore

48

Don’t call me ma’am Just because of the gender I am Don’t patronize me While saying that I have the key To curing cancer I refuse to be a dancer In your patriarchal game I’m not a wild animal you can tame Just because I don’t have ***** Doesn’t justify your catcalls Just because I have ovaries Doesn’t mean I have to play the victim on your TVs Just because I have a ****** Doesn’t mean I can’t stand up to China Or any other country or man Who says I can’t when I can I am strong and independent I will not grovel at your feet And act like I’m beat Like I will submit Because trust me, I never quit

0

Mar 4, 2018

Mar 4, 2018 at 5:01 PM UTC

viv-3

I am Strong

Don’t call me ma’am Just because of the gender I am Don’t patronize me While saying that I have the key To curing cancer I refuse to be a dancer In your patriarchal game I’m not a wild animal you can tame Just because I don’t have ***** Doesn’t justify your catcalls Just because I have ovaries Doesn’t mean I have to play the victim on your TVs Just because I have a ****** Doesn’t mean I can’t stand up to China Or any other country or man Who says I can’t when I can I am strong and independent I will not grovel at your feet And act like I’m beat Like I will submit Because trust me, I never quit

21

Girl you are the definition of beauty And I’m not talking about your glorious ***** It’s your eyes that hold a spark That can light up a room in the dark And maybe even my heart Girl, you are the definition of smart And I’m not talking about how you can weave your way into a man’s heart I’m talking about your brain With your knowledge you make it rain You’re like my personal study guide Girl you are the definition of bold And I’m not using a euphemism to say that your style is old I’m talking about your confidence How you don’t need a man to come to your defense And I love the way you make the haters cringe Girl you are the definition of strong And I’m not talking about those thick legs of yours that are also long It’s your warm arms That keep me from harm And that’s why I love you

0

Mar 1, 2018

Mar 1, 2018 at 11:52 AM UTC

viv-3

Girl

Girl you are the definition of beauty And I’m not talking about your glorious ***** It’s your eyes that hold a spark That can light up a room in the dark And maybe even my heart Girl, you are the definition of smart And I’m not talking about how you can weave your way into a man’s heart I’m talking about your brain With your knowledge you make it rain You’re like my personal study guide Girl you are the definition of bold And I’m not using a euphemism to say that your style is old I’m talking about your confidence How you don’t need a man to come to your defense And I love the way you make the haters cringe Girl you are the definition of strong And I’m not talking about those thick legs of yours that are also long It’s your warm arms That keep me from harm And that’s why I love you

20

I want to write a poem to my little brother The second and last child to come out of my mother A boy so brave Who always took less than he gave Who never understood But wished he could Struggled in the depths of his mind Which no one could find His trouble was always with change That always was different in range From moving from state to state Not liking what was on his plate Changing schools And suffering because he wasn’t cool He was the misfit Because he never got “it” And no one ever got him Never understood his whims I don’t understand him either, I admit Especially during his hissy fits But he’s mine to love A gift from heaven above And so I wrote this poem to say “I love you, AJ”

0

Feb 24, 2018

Feb 24, 2018 at 12:55 PM UTC

viv-3

Happy Birthday To My Brother

I want to write a poem to my little brother The second and last child to come out of my mother A boy so brave Who always took less than he gave Who never understood But wished he could Struggled in the depths of his mind Which no one could find His trouble was always with change That always was different in range From moving from state to state Not liking what was on his plate Changing schools And suffering because he wasn’t cool He was the misfit Because he never got “it” And no one ever got him Never understood his whims I don’t understand him either, I admit Especially during his hissy fits But he’s mine to love A gift from heaven above And so I wrote this poem to say “I love you, AJ”

24

The calories Can’t you feel them? Churning in your stomach Being digested slowly Oh so slowly Whispering promises Of the weight they’ll add Of the large hips The pouchy stomach Taunting you with reminders Of how weak you are All you had to do Is say no But you didn’t You thought with your stomach Not your brain So this is your punishment The extra weight The big hips Bigger stomach Because you’re too weak to say no And too afraid to throw up But you’re in a perfect shape To count them To watch the numbers climb And you’re trapped In this hell That you’re too weak to escape from Too scared to run from And too ashamed to seek help So carve those hips So big So fat Like that Christmas ham Your dad just carved So don’t stop those sit-ups You can’t stop Until you can see those toes Standing up And looking down So look in that mirror That blob of fat is you Don’t listen to the lies Everyone said you were so skinny But now they say “You’re too skinny” But that’s not true To be skinny Is to be beautiful So how can you be too skinny You want to be the most beautiful So you have to be the skinniest And they’re wrong anyways You’re not too skinny They’re lying How can they not see those rolls Those fat hips They just want you to fail To not be beautiful Or maybe they don’t understand That the blood is beautiful Rolling down your hips Releasing the fat The toxins The calories So don’t stop Keep doing those sit-ups Can you see your toes yet? Can you count your ribs? Are those hips nothing but bone? Can you be strong? Learn to say no? An apple a day Keeps the doctor away So one apple a day Is all you get And water The water is all you need It’s your only friend No calories It doesn’t taunt you from your stomach It cleans Washes away your sins It makes you pure You want to pure Don’t you? The dizziness will pass Like the weight slowly is But it’s not enough It will never be enough You have to be the most beautiful No one can be skinnier than you So keep carving your hips Don’t stop the sit-up You did it! Look at your ribs See the skin stretch over them Those hips are nothing but bone Now you are truly skinny Truly beautiful But you know who’s skinnier? The skeletons in your closet They’re the beautiful ones You have surpassed all earthly beauty So why can’t you surpass theirs? All you have to do Is die You can do it You’ve made it this far Don’t be afraid When you die You’ll be mourned As the most beautiful of them all Just take those pills It won’t take much Any calories will leave you As quickly as they entered And the water The sweet, purifying water Will wash your sins away Don’t leave a note Just do it now Don’t think of them They’re just holding you back They’re selfish Not wanting you to be beautiful ........ You did it! You’re the skinniest of them all This is what we wanted This is great The only issue now Is that you can’t celebrate

0

Feb 23, 2018

Feb 23, 2018 at 5:26 PM UTC

viv-3

The Most Beautiful

The calories Can’t you feel them? Churning in your stomach Being digested slowly Oh so slowly Whispering promises Of the weight they’ll add Of the large hips The pouchy stomach Taunting you with reminders Of how weak you are All you had to do Is say no But you didn’t You thought with your stomach Not your brain So this is your punishment The extra weight The big hips Bigger stomach Because you’re too weak to say no And too afraid to throw up But you’re in a perfect shape To count them To watch the numbers climb And you’re trapped In this hell That you’re too weak to escape from Too scared to run from And too ashamed to seek help So carve those hips So big So fat Like that Christmas ham Your dad just carved So don’t stop those sit-ups You can’t stop Until you can see those toes Standing up And looking down So look in that mirror That blob of fat is you Don’t listen to the lies Everyone said you were so skinny But now they say “You’re too skinny” But that’s not true To be skinny Is to be beautiful So how can you be too skinny You want to be the most beautiful So you have to be the skinniest And they’re wrong anyways You’re not too skinny They’re lying How can they not see those rolls Those fat hips They just want you to fail To not be beautiful Or maybe they don’t understand That the blood is beautiful Rolling down your hips Releasing the fat The toxins The calories So don’t stop Keep doing those sit-ups Can you see your toes yet? Can you count your ribs? Are those hips nothing but bone? Can you be strong? Learn to say no? An apple a day Keeps the doctor away So one apple a day Is all you get And water The water is all you need It’s your only friend No calories It doesn’t taunt you from your stomach It cleans Washes away your sins It makes you pure You want to pure Don’t you? The dizziness will pass Like the weight slowly is But it’s not enough It will never be enough You have to be the most beautiful No one can be skinnier than you So keep carving your hips Don’t stop the sit-up You did it! Look at your ribs See the skin stretch over them Those hips are nothing but bone Now you are truly skinny Truly beautiful But you know who’s skinnier? The skeletons in your closet They’re the beautiful ones You have surpassed all earthly beauty So why can’t you surpass theirs? All you have to do Is die You can do it You’ve made it this far Don’t be afraid When you die You’ll be mourned As the most beautiful of them all Just take those pills It won’t take much Any calories will leave you As quickly as they entered And the water The sweet, purifying water Will wash your sins away Don’t leave a note Just do it now Don’t think of them They’re just holding you back They’re selfish Not wanting you to be beautiful ........ You did it! You’re the skinniest of them all This is what we wanted This is great The only issue now Is that you can’t celebrate

133

The world is spinning Around her head And she just watches Unable to breathe To be like them The world is spinning Around her head And she just watches Becoming dizzy as As the circles won’t stop moving In front of her eyes The world is spinning Around her head And she just watches But no one watches her She’s all alone The world is spinning Around her head And she just watches As they destroy themselves And desperately try To put themselves back together again

0

Feb 23, 2018

Feb 23, 2018 at 5:23 PM UTC

viv-3

The World is Spinning

The world is spinning Around her head And she just watches Unable to breathe To be like them The world is spinning Around her head And she just watches Becoming dizzy as As the circles won’t stop moving In front of her eyes The world is spinning Around her head And she just watches But no one watches her She’s all alone The world is spinning Around her head And she just watches As they destroy themselves And desperately try To put themselves back together again

22

I am a leaf Being torn apart Going with the flow Hopelessly lost I am driftwood Floating in the sea Being polished and toughened By the harsh waters Forever alone I am a ghost In a wasteland Searching for home Struggling to remember Who I am Crying out But no one hears me I’m a lost girl Alone in a great big world Never wanting to grow up But Peter Pan left me behind So who will find me?

0

Feb 23, 2018

Feb 23, 2018 at 5:03 PM UTC

viv-3

I am

I am a leaf Being torn apart Going with the flow Hopelessly lost I am driftwood Floating in the sea Being polished and toughened By the harsh waters Forever alone I am a ghost In a wasteland Searching for home Struggling to remember Who I am Crying out But no one hears me I’m a lost girl Alone in a great big world Never wanting to grow up But Peter Pan left me behind So who will find me?

21