victoria-viki-balsamo
American
Baptized 3.1.07 (upside down reads LOVE =D). God is my life. Striving to be more Christ-like every day is my goal. 4'11". lefty (7% of the world, people). I like when things fit together -- math, psychology, the periodic table of elements. Wicked shy. Love my heritage...except, I have no idea what Polish people are like. Teach myself the piano. Rain ♥. Laundromats ♥. I do not like potatoes, squash, peanut butter, or broccoli. I love grammar.
Look at the stars, look how they shine
for you.
I make them shine for you.
Each of them I call by name.
For you.
I bled
for you.
I bled myself dry
for you.
Can't you see, I love you so.
I wrote songs
for you.
Why can't you hear? Why can't you see?
Why are you so far from me?
Child, my love, I am right here, I always have been,
for you.
Mar 14, 2011
Mar 14, 2011 at 2:34 PM UTC
The mean reds.
I've had them.
Where is my Tiffany's?
I don't know what to do but
to give in to them.
Mar 14, 2011
Mar 14, 2011 at 2:34 PM UTC
Where are you?
When I can't breathe right because
I miss you even though I've
never met you yet.
When I suddenly become
sad or anxious or afraid or angry or
frozen and I
need somebody to hold my hand or
to kiss me or
to rub my back.
Where are you?
I miss you. You are missing from
my life do you understand and I can't
stand feeling this way.
Mar 14, 2011
Mar 14, 2011 at 2:34 PM UTC
You know that I was so lonely.
You know that you aren't the right guy for me.
But you want me to be happy.
So when Jon came along
and he appears to be a Christian, just like me,
You said he has a crush on me.
But a year had gone by
Since I'd told you I was lonely,
and I was so cold and miserable
that I needed to do something about it.
I lean on God and put all of my trust in Him.
He is my boyfriend, my husband. My hope, my joy.
I "Learn to Be Lonely" with the Phantom of the Opera,
listen to The Fray and Coldplay.
I tried to figure out why God made me lonely
and thought maybe he was punishing me,
or testing me like Job, or
maybe it just wasn't time for me.
I settled for this and I felt content.
But then Jon came along
and he appeared to be a Christian, just like me.
You said he has a crush on me.
Hon, I know you want me to be happy,
but I'm fine now. I haven't been depressed or
lonely since . . . well, for a few weeks I guess . . .
But you're pushing this, and it makes me anxious.
I just want some time to be okay with being
single.
Nov 24, 2010
Nov 24, 2010 at 2:44 PM UTC
My God is the wind.
I cannot see Him, but I know He's there,
waiting to swoop in when I need Him.
The gentle breeze is a loving caress,
the strong wind a fierce hug, trying to hold me together.
My God is the wind.
My God is the sun and the moon.
Though afar, I feel his warmth and he lights my way.
He is hidden by clouds of doubt, sin, and fear;
I see him better some days than others.
By Him I can see everything.
My God is the sun and the moon.
My God is the rain.
The mist is gentle kisses across my face.
The downpours tears of pain and sorrow,
the showers tears of joy.
The rain is a reminder, saying, "I love you,
I'm here, I can touch you, I want you."
My God is the rain.
Nov 24, 2010
Nov 24, 2010 at 2:40 PM UTC
Sometimes it takes me
A while to realize that God's
Been singing to me.
Oct 12, 2010
Oct 12, 2010 at 12:29 PM UTC
11:18 P.M.
Want to sleep, don't want to.
Waiting for something.
An idea, an event.
Something to do.
Write on the walls.
Or the mirror or a shirt.
Draw something,
write something.
Go for a walk.
Sing a song.
Whole house is asleep.
Write a song,
don't have a piano.
And the whole house is asleep.
Clean my room?
That can wait.
Read something?
11:31 P.M.
Mom, you gave me this flip calendar
with mother/daughter quotes
for each day.
Those words you said to me,
"Mom and daughter are not
to be friends," Mom
that hurts.
So I imagine you made
a 11:35 P.M. those
sticky notes over there
catch my eye.
What should I do with these?
I'll test one, see if they'll
stick.
I have many hideous scarves.
What is to be done with those
shoe boxes?
WHY didn't I start looking for
a job EARLIER???
12:04 A.M.
The stickies just fell and
made me jump.
I'll tape paper to the wall
instead.
12:13 A.M.
Maybe I won't sleep tonight.
I'll do my summer reading
like it's day, until I drop.
Jul 16, 2010
Jul 16, 2010 at 4:04 PM UTC
I should write
some positive
poetry.
My life is not
completely
as bad as I sometimes
make it
seem.
Jun 10, 2010
Jun 10, 2010 at 12:14 PM UTC
Autumn rain.
So depressing
so sad
so oppressing.
I feel danger in the air
I feel cold and alone
I feel a hug from God
I feel despair.
Feb 23, 2010
Feb 23, 2010 at 10:17 AM UTC
Why am I pulling and clawing
at my clothes and skin?
...Anxiety attack, but why?
I'm being impatient...I don't know
what I'm supposed to be doing
in the meantime.
I'm panting and hyperventilating and trying to push the tears out...nothing's coming...What is the point?
What good will come of it?
But what CAN I do now,
at 11:11 p.m.? What CAN I do now?
I don't even know what I'm thinking, what
causes the ragged breathing to
turn on and off...I don't know what to think,
don't know how to find some small
bit of comfort to hold me off
till sleep comes.
God, this is when my faith is weak.
God, you are in control. You have
a plan for me.
God, give me strength, and let me feel
your presence and that of
those who are trying to reach out to me, God.
Let me feel it.
Let me feel it, in the meantime.
Feb 22, 2010
Feb 22, 2010 at 2:35 PM UTC