Dearest Ana,
You’re in my head.
Dearest Ana,
And people said
This won’t end well.
Dearest Ana,
You always yell
I’m not good enough.
Dearest Ana,
But it’s too tough
Now it’s hard.
Dearest Ana,
I use shards
Glass metal and others alike.
Dearest Ana,
They cut and stab and slice
It’s your fault,
Dearest Ana,
That I want to halt
Give me courage,
Dearest Ana,
To turn my last page.
Feb 5, 2011
Feb 5, 2011 at 3:47 AM UTC
Leaning left and right,
Another day spent in bed.
My clothes hang loose yet are too tight.
I can’t unread things that I have read,
Nor can I unsee pictures of them,
Protruding, piercing and sharp,
Thinking of and wishing over again
Is it worth it? A change of heart,
A change of everything,
My body, my mind and my emotions,
Just so my clothes don’t cling,
Some just laugh at the notion,
They can’t see it inside
My head, my complexity,
I want to wither, I want to hide.
They think it’s vain but it’s my extremity.
All I want is to smile at my reflection
I want to be the proof of my declaration
I will try, persevere and strive
But is it worth it when I’m not alive?
I know I won’t stop, I know this is my end,
This is obsession, not vanities latest trend.
All I want… is not to want.
Feb 5, 2011
Feb 5, 2011 at 3:32 AM UTC
I'm probably not your favourite person,
I’m always upset, angry or down.
But I promise I’ll always love you,
Even when I’m not around.
You’ve done what nearly everyone can’t do,
the simple things that mean the most.
A smile. Meaningful and because of you.
You can find me when I feel lost.
I’m sorry that I can’t be happy,
With myself, my life and everything else.
So you should learn that if you’re alone or down,
You shouldn’t be anyone but yourself.
I love you, you and only you,
I love what you’ve done for me,
And everything you’ll ever do.
Feb 5, 2011
Feb 5, 2011 at 3:16 AM UTC
I know I won’t be here
After the next few years.
I know I’ll be gone
As I know right from wrong.
This life we live,
None of it I can give,
For whether it be in decades or now,
I will end this somehow.
Nothing is real, neither am I,
It’s in my mind, I try
To make sense of it all.
I can’t, it falls,
My faith, it tumbles,
My sanity, it crumbles.
In the corner I rock and cry,
But you can’t say I didn’t try…
Feb 5, 2011
Feb 5, 2011 at 3:12 AM UTC
My skin it slices,
With pain comes pleasure.
It’s me, my crisis
It hurts too much to measure.
I know I shouldn’t,
But what’s to stop me?
I need to try but I couldn’t,
Who else am I supposed to be?
I scar on the outside,
I scab and bleed and cry,
But it’s the thing on the inside,
The numbness is there so I can’t try.
To help myself.
To help them.
I’m not myself,
But only for him.
Feb 5, 2011
Feb 5, 2011 at 3:07 AM UTC
Pick up a crumb
And stare at a slice
I can’t help but think
These can make you feel nice.
I’m forced to succumb
And it stings like ice
I dread to think
That this is my life.
Even just a thought
Of what it could do
It makes me feel guilty
And full of disgust too.
This can end in distraught
And everything it can do
Seemingly is only to be
Thin for everyone
Thin for you.
In fact it’s a habit
Now it’s my daily routine
Now I want to hide it away
Nowhere to be seen.
I want it rid of
I want it gone
Even if it kills me
But if I die
I’ll be done.
Jan 31, 2011
Jan 31, 2011 at 12:20 PM UTC
I saw her
Across the room,
Shades of grey
To flowers bloom.
The Rose: beautiful
Both in substance and in sight,
Just as so as she looks alight.
Her blonde curls,
They sit aside her heart
Glad to be a part.
I smiled as I saw her,
She did the same, the girl, Laura.
Dec 23, 2010
Dec 23, 2010 at 3:26 PM UTC
If the truth was enough,
I'd say it.
If holding you wasn't so tough,
I'd do it.
If what happened
Didn't destroy me,
we could try again.
It did, so we cannot be.
Ever.
Possibilities, there shouldn't be,
Restrictions:
Too many, or lack of?
It's impossible to feel this way,
Changed and not for a better day.
Changed, but maybe,
for the better?
Seemingly so,
It was resolved a time ago,
But it goes to show,
I'll never say no.
Nov 22, 2010
Nov 22, 2010 at 7:22 AM UTC
I used to feel,
Feel like collapsing,
Slipping away, crumbling.
I used to feel,
Feel like there was no hope,
My fate depended on a rope,
A thread.
Now I feel,
I feel complete,
Solved, like a puzzle.
Pieces scattered,
Seemingly back in place.
But like a puzzle,
You can see the cracks.
The pieces holding me together,
Stopping me from falling apart.
You.
I feel you.
I am the puzzle and you are the logic,
You are the glue, you are my thread,
My rope.
Nov 22, 2010
Nov 22, 2010 at 7:01 AM UTC
Friends, family and strangers of the past,
Those who exist no more
Lie, decaying and crumbling beneath the grass.
Those who walked upon this floor,
Those who felt well,
Those who were afraid
Prance and dance around the great bell,
Replaying the ringing heard through the decades.
The snow falls, glittering white on mossed stone.
The sun shines, rays upon the engravings.
The leaves fall, they roam and then are gone,
They lay next to those that wanted saving.
To see myself as I am now,
And to see myself in a hundred years from now,
It saddens me, it scares me
That I’ll just be another memory,
Then faded and forgotten.
Oct 14, 2010
Oct 14, 2010 at 3:39 PM UTC