i like to think that someone saved me
i keep thinking that someone's there to tell me that I, being the strong girl that I am, can do this
my mouth have longed hope to utter these fragmented feelings to someone, anyone:
thank you for being there for me;
thanks for not giving up on me;
and thank you, thank you for staying with me, even if I gave you all the reason to just walk away from me
all parts of me keep dreaming
and like everyone who can't outlive reality and only reach things through dreaming
i don't want to wake up
i don't want to go back to that time
when I was too tired of waiting to be asked, 'how are you', that I just outright tell people how I'm feeling
and they only offer silence, thinking that for someone as resilient like me, it would suffice
after all, strongs can take on anything that come their way
even the overused I-don't-know-what-to-say silence
what do you do when
they still refuse to accept that strong people
no matter how strong they think they are
bend at times
they do refuse to break
but that doesn't mean that life's *****
doesn't make a dent on their soul
and i, thinking that i've given up on a lot of things before, refuse to give up convincing them that i needed help
i want them to help me
that when i say, 'i am strong'
i don't really feel like it
i just said that because no one else seemed inclined to say the very words to me
and i, in contrast, seemed to feel the need to hear them
an assurance that
i am not the only one who keeps thinking that way
even my lungs seem to think
that i don't need oxygen
to live |and to die|
it uses the overabundance of unspoken words to fuel the fading lights inside me
what do you do when only you thinks that you can't do it all by yourself?
Mar 10, 2018
Mar 10, 2018 at 6:03 AM UTC
The only part of my day
That I look forward to
Is when I go to bed
And lay there making up scenarios
In my head.
I think of comebacks
To 8th grade bullies.
I think of witty retorts
To my mother's snide comments.
I think of intelligent things to add
To conversations I had months ago.
I think of all the things
I was too scared to say.
And in my mind
I say them.
And pretend how things would be different
If only I had the courage to speak.
Nov 17, 2017
Nov 17, 2017 at 8:21 PM UTC
Pour energy
into your
words
Write with intensity
so great
that if you held the page
from a mountain's peak
your words
would be mistaken
for
stars
Nov 17, 2017
Nov 17, 2017 at 8:14 PM UTC
she never
dreamed
of becoming
an angel
she
just wanted
to fly
and somehow
if
possible
touch the
o u
l d
c s
no, she
never dreamed
of going
nor entering
heaven
(she doesn't know if it even exists)
she
just wanted
to leave
the grounds
for a while
and see if
the fluctuations
are worth one's salt
-she's taking the biggest risk of her life
Nov 17, 2017
Nov 17, 2017 at 8:07 PM UTC
Carry the burden beneath my body
Throw the aches into the sea
Cry for the pieces forever gone
You won't be excepted from the pain.
Do not let the tears fall
Do not try to turn your back
Blood and sweat and wounds
Are all meant to scar your soul.
Never try to escape
For entrances and exits do not
Have any difference at all
Howl from pain, that's all you can do.
Do you not understand?
You are created to be destroyed
And given life to taste death
Always . . . always remember to to unbound the chains.
Nov 17, 2017
Nov 17, 2017 at 8:04 PM UTC
Ears straining to hear
Skin trying to feel
My eyes can see
The olden times, the antiquity.
Recognizing--your voice, features, habits
Feeling the longing and relief. Familiarity.
We're two energies joining
And with our forces fusing . . . again.
Nov 17, 2017
Nov 17, 2017 at 8:02 PM UTC
Tinanong ako ni Annah
Kung maayos na tayo
Ang sabi ko
Ayon, normal naman.
Normal
Kelan pa tayo nauwi sa normal nalang?
Ah. Naaalala ko na.
Nagsimula tayong maging normal
Nang isang araw hindi mo ko matingnan sa mata
Ni hindi mo ko makausap kung hindi ka titingin sa baba
At kapag naman kailangang ikaw
Ang unang magsisimula ng usapan
Dinaig pa ng kapal ng usok sa kalakhang Maynila
Ang nakaiilang na atmospera
Sa pagitan nating dalawa.
Nagsimula tayong maging normal
Nang hindi na tayo nagsasabay umuwi sa hapon
Nang simulan **** isipin na ayos lang na umuwi nang walang paalam
May kasabay ka kasing iba.
Nagsimula tayong maging normal
Nang nahihirapan na kong
Magsimula ng usapan sa pagitan nating dalawa
Sa kung paanong sinasalamin ng Messenger sa pamamagitan ng ellipses
Ang mga katagang nais ko sayang itanong sa iyo
Ay sandali, online naman si Annah, siya nalang ang tatanungin ko
(Pwede kaya kong sumabay sa kanya?)
Wag na nga. Alam ko naman ang patungo doon.
Nagsimula tayong maging normal
Nang tanungin mo ang kagrupo natin sa kung ano ang gagawin
Gayong ako na kagrupo mo rin ang nasa iyong harapan
Pumunta ka pa talaga sa kanya
Ganyan ka kailang?
Normal naman sa atin ang hindi mag-usap nang madalas, hindi ba?
Normal lang naman kung makakalimutan **** may katulad ko
Na bukas palad na tinanggap ka
Noong mga panahong durog na durog ka na, hindi ba?
At bahagi din ng pagiging normal natin
Kung mas pipiliin **** burahin nalang ang mga nakaraan natin, hindi ba?
Nilalamon ka ng kalungkutan. Nasasaktan.
At isa akong napawalang kwentang kaibigan
Kasi hindi kita napatahan
Sa mga panahong tahimik **** isinisigaw
Ang mga bagay na sa tingin mo ay walang makauunawa
Wala akong karapatang masaktan
Kasi hindi ako naglakas-loob na tanungin
Kung anu-ano ang mga bumabagabag sayo
Hindi ko dapat indahin ang sakit ng pang-iiwan mo sa akin
Gayong para na rin kitang iniwan
Nang hayaan kitang unti-unting kumalas sa pagkakaibigan natin
Wala akong karapatang manumbat
Kasi hindi ko man lang sinubukang tanungin
Kung ano nang nangyayari sa iyo
Kaya mo pa ba?
At hinding hindi ko rin aangkinin
Ang karapatang sa una'y wala na sa akin
Na maging sandalan mo
Sapagkat hindi ko man lang nasabi
Na ayos lang na ikaw ay humugot ng lakas sa akin
Ayaw mo, oo
Kasi sa tingin mo pabigat
Ayaw mo, oo
Kasi sanay ka na sa demonyong kalungkutan
Na paulit-ulit lumalamon sayo
Minsan nawawala, ngunit laging bumabalik
Pagbalik-baliktarin ko man ang sitwasyon
Hindi lang ikaw ang nang-iwan
Iniwan din kita
Iniwan kita
Patawad
Patawad
Pakiusap, patawarin mo ko.
Madaling makalimutan ang mga magagandang bagay
Ngunit mahirap iwaksi mula sa makulit na isipan
Ang idinadaing ng pusong nasugatan at patuloy na nahihirapan
Kaya bilang pakunswelo sa tulad kong nagmahal sayo
Iniisip ko na lamang na isa ako sa mga magagandang bagay sa buhay mo
Kaya madali mo 'kong nakalimutan.
Huli kong bulong sa sarili
'Ayos lang 'yan. Makakausad ka rin. Magtiwala ka.'
Uusad at uusad ka rin.
Kaibigan, patawad ulit.
Nov 9, 2017
Nov 9, 2017 at 7:16 AM UTC
and then I asked you,
"What's your biggest fear?"
you gave me a quivering sigh,
looked at me straight in the eyes
and said,
"It's that eventually, you will see me
the way I see myself."
Nov 9, 2017
Nov 9, 2017 at 7:15 AM UTC