I don't remember how many times I said "I'm okay"
When I was not
How many times I cried and said "I'm okay"
When I was not
How many times I smiled and said "I'm okay"
when I was not
How many times I smoked and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
How many times I missed you and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
How many times I felt terrible and it was difficult for me to breath and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
How many times I felt damaged and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
How many times I was dragged in depression and sever anxiety and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
How many times i was laying clueless on the marble floor and said "I'm okay"
When i was not
But you know what it's fine ! I'm always okay and it's okay ....
Aug 6, 2018
Aug 6, 2018 at 10:10 AM UTC
Most of the people,
See her as a happy person,
Because she laughs easily,
She smiles beautifully,
She jokes a lot,
She does crazy stuff,
But deep down,
She gets hurt easily,
Deep down shes hurt,
Her feelings are damaged,
She's fragile,
But she chooses not to show,
This part of her to the world.
Jul 30, 2018
Jul 30, 2018 at 9:39 PM UTC
You were the light at the end of the tunnel,
You were the rain that soothed me,
You were the happiness in my bad time,
You were my strength when I was weak,
You were the first snow in winters,
You were the star who shone for me in darkness,
I loved you, I loved you blindly and then,
You turned into the sound of my nails scraping the chalkboard,
You were the sound of my heartbreaks,
You were the night I spend on the cold floor scratching myself
You were the pills I take every night to sleep,
You were the wine in my glass,
You were the smoke of my cigarette,
You were the pain of my never healing wounds,
Still you were the only one I asked for in my "Prayers"
Jul 29, 2018
Jul 29, 2018 at 2:23 PM UTC
I was so sure to find you with me when I will need someone
I was so sure that you will understand without explaining
I was so sure you will know everything by looking into my eyes
I was so sure you will know the hidden pain behind my smile
But you didn't !
You didn't understood my words
You didn't understood even after explaining
You left me when I was explaining things to you
Do you know what Hurts more ?
A stranger knew everything which was hidden in my words
A Stranger understood everything which was for you
Stranger did what you didn't !
Jul 26, 2018
Jul 26, 2018 at 12:36 PM UTC
I have so many apologies to the little girl hidden inside me
I hurt you a lot
I expected you to tolerate always
I brought more burden than you deserve
I made you cry when you wanted to laugh
I dragged you in depression when you wanted to smile
I forced you to stay strong even when you were getting weak
I was silencing your voice
You were tired and I still wanted you to do little more
I ruined you, I ruined the little girl hidden inside me
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 5:30 PM UTC
She told her to compromise in hard times,
She told her to zip her mouth and never argue
She told her to do what he ordered
She told her to stay quite when he misbehaved
She told her not to shed tears when he raises his hand on you
She told her never complaint about anything
She told her to stay strong no matter what happens
She told her to make home comfortable for him
She did everything !
Still he raised his hand,
still he misbehaved still he abused her
Who was responsible for her life ?
Who was responsible for the blue marks on her face ?
The monster ? Or her Mother ?
Jul 22, 2018
Jul 22, 2018 at 6:13 PM UTC
Yesterday when I was sleeping, it Start raining. I went to open my window where i saw a girl standing under the rain and playing. I went out to give her umbrella. I took step in rain her voice of laughing was so beautiful and it was reminding me of my laugh as her voice was resembling with mine. I was behind her, i asked her " what are you doing here? " she replied "you don't recognise me now ? " and she turned back i was shocked to see her. I took steps to backward because it was me ! My lost soul ! It was me when I was happy, when I use to laugh on my own silly jokes, when rain was symbol of joy for me, when depression and anxiety were not in my dictionary, when little happy moments make me smile, when watching stars gives me peace, when night doesn't haunts me, when darkness doesn't scare me, when winters were my favourite season and snow fall was my favourite game, when there was no heart breaks when there was no burden of expectations, when there was no fake me, it was me pure me and my soul. I just fell down on my knees in rain, crying and crawling to touch my soul but it despaired, it was me and I couldn't bring it back. I couldn't bring myself back !!
Jul 22, 2018
Jul 22, 2018 at 6:11 PM UTC
In the month of October
When everything covers itself with white blanket
She was Wearing white beautiful dress
She was looking so beautiful
That I couldn't take my eyes of her
That red lips , And shinny eyelashes
Were spreading a beautiful color around
Her heart was beating like a melody
That pretty face with a rose on her chest
I was shevring from cold
I took step to go near her
Every step was making me feel more cold
Every step and that mealody was fading
I was standing beside her
I hold her hands
They were freezed
Her voice was faded
Her heart Stopped singing that beautiful melody
I hold her I shaked her but she didn't answered me
I tired to make her warm the way she use to do
But she was already gone
I shouted not to stop that beautiful melody
but she was already gone...
Jul 16, 2018
Jul 16, 2018 at 3:17 PM UTC
Dont come here again
When you come here ,Holding you became a beautiful dream
Don't come with these flowers again
You leave a smell here which holds me to wait for you
Don't touch the mud it's not dry yet
When you touch, you leave your prints here too I still have your prints on my soul
Don't touch the mud it's not dry yet
I feel your cold hands and holding them making them warm became a wish
Don't touch the mud its not dry yet
your hands are cold go home, sorry I can't make them warm this time I'm caged down here
Don't come here to shead your tears
It hurts me down here and my heart starts bleed again
Don't come here to talk to me again
I hear all your words you utter
My heart isn't iced yet
My feelings aren't numb yet
Don't come here again
I still feel you when you come here
I wish I could ask you to remove this blanket of mud for once
I just want to hold you for last one time
I want to hug you for last one time
So that after my last wish my soul can leave this place
So that after my last wish I can stop feeling you when you come here
Please don't come here again ...
Jul 16, 2018
Jul 16, 2018 at 12:26 PM UTC
I will shed tears tonight
This will be the last night I will cry
Someday I know I will stop crying
I will shape all my wounds to new hopes
All broken parts will be hairline frecture
All of my thoughts will arobit around me
And i will rise with the sunshine
This time I will rise beautifully
I will be strong
I will love My self
And then one day I will become a beautiful picture
That You will save on your cell phone
You will see daily like I did
May be you will cry or scream but this time I won't listen
You will type me text even after knowing that you won't get reply
I will be quite
Because you know
After every sunrise there's sunset
I will be gone with the sunset for forever
Jul 10, 2018
Jul 10, 2018 at 4:36 PM UTC