I’m consumed with the thought of the future.
It’s eating me up inside like a poison.
A poison i consume.
Like a flower that can’t bloom.
Where has my sunshine been?
Its like I’m trying,
But i just can’t swim.
Im drowning in the thought of what was,
what will, and can be.
The me i once knew has left me stranded.
I know i am stronger than this.
The demons fighting against my inner being
i must try to resist.
Numb is what i want to feel.
Because i forgot what its like
to be real.
moving forward, making the change.
the priorities i carry
i must rearrange.
I know happiness is out there.
I seek it with every deep prayer.
The love and devotion i seek
is somewhere out there.
Nov 23, 2015
Nov 23, 2015 at 3:04 AM UTC
i'm still numb to everything that happened between us
whether those 5 years were love or lust
i know that i love you and that will never fade away
from every tomorrow to our every yesterday
we have invested so much of ourselves into what we have now
we split apart
and we are now lost somehow
where did you go
i am alone and in a daze
every day i face is a complete and saddened haze
but move forward i must
and move on i shall
who knows maybe in my future you will be
looking at me like you used to
eyes full of love
a heart for the future
but little did we know it wouldn't be
that there was an end to you and me
but enough reminiscing and il wipe my tears.
i love you always and forever, for all the following years.
Dec 9, 2014
Dec 9, 2014 at 4:21 AM UTC
i open up my mind so my feelings can unwind
im caught up in the bind of our lives so intertwined
we flow like the nile, steady for a while
then we rage like the pacific with no problems in specific
you light me up like the rays from the sun
you break me down like a tidal wave and earthquake in one
once more we remember what we are in this for
trust like the promise of a tomorrow
strength like unbreakable metal
we are immensibly perfect
imperfectly worth it
we grow from eachothers depths in our souls
you know
we show our colors, as they shine luminescent glows of perfection
we know our worth, working on our work
working on our worth
you for me
me for you
a bond that can never undue.
Nov 5, 2014
Nov 5, 2014 at 4:32 AM UTC
I feel my heartbeat echoing in the distance
It's you leaving me slowly
As the full moon rises, you ache with uncontrollable pain
it hurts to see you this way
i remember the once youth you carried
now you wither away
only we can see the pain
but you hide it away
we know its time to let you go soon
and the time drags like an hourglass of a thousand years
you were everything to me
my muse
my ear
my song
my sphere
whom will i confide in now
you were the only one i opened up too
somehow
i will find my way to open to others
but losing you will only close me off
temporarily
i will be strong for you
i will be a new me
a me you would be proud to see
even though you didnt show it
i know you loved us all
i felt it in your eyes
a tender kiss from your glance
i was always there for you
maybe not as much as i should have been
i know i will see you again
with the strength i recall
i love you forever my babe
may your achy heart beat into eternity
and out of this pain
Oct 7, 2014
Oct 7, 2014 at 1:52 AM UTC
i have my dreams painted before me
i have my life set on fast forward
always looking forward
to the new
the me
the you
always on mute
because i can't communicate
the desires that inquire
and require our communication
frustration eating me alive
not knowing where to go to survive
so i thrive on the daily
work, eat, sleep
and repeat
it seems I'm weak
in the mind and soul
losing all control
but I'm pushing forward with no choice
my voice is silent
thats why i put myself on mute
until i can communicate
the need for desire
i put on my work attire and go
back and repeat it again
with no end in sight
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 9:51 PM UTC
It's 4:20 a.m
and I'm wide awake
my thoughts consume me
a little bit of ***** does me no good
my feelings are still circling
i think of you
all of you
within the world of everyone else
i wonder how we became to be
is it a blessing or a curse
or something that will grow with time?
the most we can do is trust ourselves
and know what WE want as individuals
I know what i want
do you know what you live for?
your feelings are captivated within the world of substance
every buzz you can get
i worry
for you
i long for the MAN i once knew
the strong, hardworking, goal-seeking man
i know you are there
you just need to trust in the essence of patience and timing
the world is boring at times
and with that you need understand
that the good times come in spurts
enjoy the love, silence, and slow moments that flow
in the evanescence of peace
we are here to hold each other
but one cannot hold the other up for life
i need you to carry the work too
its me and you
not me
and you alone
we need each other
now I'm rambling
you know what i mean
Jul 1, 2014
Jul 1, 2014 at 5:32 AM UTC
We are facades melting in the shame of this world
we are swallowed by the cliche numbness
that embodies our hope in our common being
we are becoming numb to the idea of individuality
we claim thats it's we long for
but we are searching for justice
we want peace
in the noise of our love
in the chaos of our passion
in the surrender of our addictions
that are afflictions that chase us
in every step
and bite us to our core
we are consumed
consumed by this world that expects us to be
to be an image of attentive beating
a beat that can keep going until overused
til it is dead
tired
worked
used
abused
amused
with money
money chases
us
down
it
is
us
Jun 11, 2014
Jun 11, 2014 at 4:32 AM UTC
Emotion wells up
like a blade piercing flesh
She has way to much emotion
and drunken in her thoughts she can't mesh
all her thoughts together
they all plummet apart
like her heart
falling to pieces as she picks them up
but they fall away again
she combats to hold them in her fragile hands
she's feeble and he knows that
she is anxious with doubt
to keep on with her life?
to mesh her life with his?
the journey is unyielding
but erratic upon arrival
which way to turn?
Jun 9, 2014
Jun 9, 2014 at 2:55 AM UTC
I know that like a breath you consume me with every fiber of being
a need within me you fulfill
i stagger to keep up with you
the fragmented pieces of choices we have to make
our life before our hearts
our hearts lying upon the alter
our hands up in the air saying we surrender
we surrender to the life that is judging our motives
we just want bliss in the in-betweens of our love spells
our hazy kisses and our deep hugs
tug on heartstrings
while our fists collide
with a fight that meets at the corner
of compromise and patience
our love is patience
our life is in need of patience
and compromise
only words can conquer
communication in the least is the most
and it brings us closer
May 23, 2014
May 23, 2014 at 3:42 AM UTC
Maybe im not as healed as i thought i was
anger wells up inside of me
as i ease through my memories that i have so longingly tried to erase
denial and shame have driven me away
"they loved me, so they wouldn't hurt me"
is what i used to so innocently feel
but now i dig for meaning of my past
and i see what is real
the brokeness was all around me
those who hurt me were hurting too
only a band-aid could cover the pain temporarily
but then its ripped off with every scorn or reality that is spit at me
"how am i supposed too help others if i cant help myself"
is what i think now
am i pitying myself
am i being sensitive like i have always been
i feel that nobody understands
neither do i
i cant escape the pain, anger, and shame
i hold inside
Apr 16, 2014
Apr 16, 2014 at 9:34 PM UTC