you're not in control,
by your mind doesn't wander.
for a few hours everything is frozen,
still.
all emotions disappear,
like a soul in a corpse.
concentration is impossible.
but it ends with relief.
you're no longer a zombie,
but they return.
the fear, and the thoughts,
and they're angry.
you tried to suppress them,
but it made them stronger.
you yearn for the high,
from the drugs meant to help.
it's desperation against control.
allow a pill to control your mind,
not a disorder
the end is beckoning
Jan 6, 2014
Jan 6, 2014 at 1:14 PM UTC
I hate speaking of my razors
and my scars
but it would be nice if someone would
distract me from the thoughts
of reusing them
and making new permanent lines
that will stay with me forever
I cannot think of anything else lately
Nov 12, 2013
Nov 12, 2013 at 12:07 AM UTC
when I think of you I am manic
with joy
but then I think of how you think of me
and I become anxious and can no longer breathe
so please be kind
Nov 11, 2013
Nov 11, 2013 at 10:10 AM UTC
Twenty-two days without it
and I just ******* relapsed
Oct 14, 2013
Oct 14, 2013 at 8:59 PM UTC
*Three weeks ago
I could think straight
I hated the metal
I could distract myself from the sadness*
**Today
I'm more insane than before
I crave the metal more than air
I am more depressed than ever**
Oct 13, 2013
Oct 13, 2013 at 11:34 PM UTC
speak to me
I need that much
there has to be more than this
this world
this sadness
this razor
it's not like I enjoy this
I hate it
I hate them
I hate you
I hate me
maybe one day I'll fly
with the ravens
with the clouds
with the sun
but first I must stay here
in hell
my hell
everywhere is ******* hell
and the flames hurt
they burn as they slice me open
they do it
not me
I can't be blamed for these scars
they're everyone's fault
in sick of it
of the stares
of the exclusion
of the pressure
the pressure to fit in
to be perfect
is what presses on that razor
it's not me
it's them
Oct 10, 2013
Oct 10, 2013 at 11:44 AM UTC
Can you bury me alive,
beside I'm already dead inside?
Oct 9, 2013
Oct 9, 2013 at 7:27 PM UTC
go away
you've done enough
damage
and I'm tired
of smiling
of lying to myself
I'm fine
*with being alone*
I never should have gotten my hopes up
because you were enough
but I am not
*I will never be enough*
I'm sorry for trying
goodbye
Oct 9, 2013
Oct 9, 2013 at 11:51 AM UTC
burn me with your touch
I can feel your soul
Oct 9, 2013
Oct 9, 2013 at 11:35 AM UTC
She's waiting for him to answer her
He is out having fun
She's wondering what she did wrong
He's talking to other girls
She sheds tear for a boy who never loved her
He has never thought about her before he sleeps
She tells herself she's not good enough for him or anyone
He doesn't even remember her name
But I thought what we had was special
You are nothing to me
Oct 8, 2013
Oct 8, 2013 at 10:00 PM UTC