As time marches on
And the pain subsides
It is not replaced with happiness
All the joy in my life remains
Nothing changes
Except
Instead of lying awake
Longing for the past
Regretting the last 2 years
Praying I won't wake up
I lie awake
And feel nothing
I'm just there
Waiting
Jan 10, 2014
Jan 10, 2014 at 6:16 AM UTC
WrappingPaper
If you look past my words
Read it as a metaphor
Read my expressions
Note my defenses
Follow me when I run
You'll see what an emotional wreck I am
The littlest comment
The tiniest miscommunication
The slightest insult
I break
I'm insecure about everything
Why won't it just end.
I'm tired of this ***
I'm tired of the gut
I'm tired of this face
The skin
The feet
The hair
There's a reason I wear a hat
There's a reason I wear four layers
I only like texting
I hate the way my voice sounds
I hate my smile
I wish I could wear shades all the time
I play it all off as a joke
Until you leave
Then I go and do things like this
Or better
I'm the only thing stopping me from being happy
Everyone loves me
I have money
I had a girl
I have a bear
I had scars
I had a drug problem
Solution perhaps
I haz a chezburger
I have nice things
I have my eyes on one thing
A mirror
I look inward to find possible problems
Tell myself I'm gonna take care of it
I never do
Everything nice I do is for myself
For my own self gratification
Like I'm trying to become a god
So they will worship me
No one will be able to speak of my flaws
My obvious flaws
I try to help people but inside I can't see them happy
I have no empathy
Why should they be happy when I am not
I don't do drugs so I'm better
I'm smarter so I'm better
I'm in BETTER shape
I'm faster
I'm taller
I know more in the subject
I'm _____er than you
I know you better than you do
But you know nothing of me
Cuz I don't let you in
I convince myself I'm someone I'm not so you won't possibly see the real me
Cuz I cut
And I'm depressed
Because I am
But I love learning
But hate living
But love eating
But hate weight
But can't throw up cuz I don't care that much
I don't work out much cuz I don't care that much
I don't do homework cuz I don't care that much
Cuz I'm chiller than you
I don't care about anything
Except my self image
About looking like someone who doesn't care while not letting myself go
So I dream of you
I cling to you
Who knows what we'd do
Probably nothing
You'd get bored
They all do
Cuz I can't look like I try to love you
I can't show any signs
So you can't read me
Cuz I'm in a different language
That not even I can read
I'm a dog chasing a car
Or a dog with a bone
You'd be buried away
Just for me
It's not a good life for the bone
Never seeing anyone else and slowly getting eaten away
I can't quite end it
Something needs to complete me
That's your call never to make
Save me without giving in
Don't fill my emptiness
I'll spill it everywhere
Why do I try
To know me
To show you
I get it
You can't leave cuz you don't know how
You need to see me
The real me
And **** me so I finally can
Oct 29, 2013
Oct 29, 2013 at 3:34 AM UTC
The fire within my soul that burns for you is slowly diminishing to nothing but embers. Every night I watch as the radiant light glows dimmer and dimmer. Eventually it will be consumed by the void within my being. Then perhaps I will finally be free.
Aug 9, 2013
Aug 9, 2013 at 6:34 AM UTC
I fell in love with her
All my eggs in one basket
She took it all with her
All that's left was a casket
Apr 28, 2013
Apr 28, 2013 at 7:42 AM UTC
Staring at the ceiling
For far too long
Stumbling over the thought
Of what went wrong
I'm out of options
I can only pray
For an end to this nightmare
Of waking up each new day
Apr 11, 2013
Apr 11, 2013 at 3:26 AM UTC
Your eyes showed light
From a clear starry night
As you stared into mine
I took it as a sign
As the clouds rolled in
Water hit your face
And fell off your chin
So you found a place
Next to my heart
Where you'd stay warm
Until the clouds would part
And take away this storm
But neither could resist
To relieve all the pain
So we had our first kiss
Standing in the rain.
Apr 9, 2013
Apr 9, 2013 at 2:16 AM UTC
The drugs and the music
Do little to hide
That when you look in my eyes
You see nothing inside
Cuz when she left
She left me to die
So all you see are scars
From the times that I tried
Apr 1, 2013
Apr 1, 2013 at 6:32 AM UTC
I let her move in
Knowing where she'd been
It didn't scare me
So I gave her a key
It was going great
We made a wedding date
I just couldn't believe
She said it didn't feel right
So she decided to leave
And locked it up tight
Now no one will see
That its empty inside
Cuz she took all her things
And everything else died
So I try and I try
To fill this black hole
That is consuming my mind
My heart and my soul
Apr 1, 2013
Apr 1, 2013 at 6:21 AM UTC
My mind is still racing
She has already won
My heart has yet to shoot
The starting gun
Mar 29, 2013
Mar 29, 2013 at 3:58 AM UTC
My tears run down like razorblades.
Acoustic guitars ringing in my ears.
Its just so hard for me to accept the fact,
I can't make you smile like she can.
i know your not the one at fault.
is it her or is it me?
when the words we can't say come out to play
i swear i'll take all of the blame.
please dont be ashamed, after all it was just a pretend kiss.
i "accidentaly" lost my mind in the
illusion of role play.
i'm falling down asking why.
you pull me up,
shes breaks me down.
theres no sense in playing games,
you've used up all your magic
and now its just me alone tonight.
but soon it will be okay, soon this will all blow over.
we both know this isn't worth the fight.
i just want to crawl in bed
and forget the life i led with you.
so maybe you would forget it too.
don't say this wont last forever,
it's just a temporary state.
i wont let this die,
it's inside me tearing me apart.
the mistakes i made
there over to her.
there over to you.
water under the brigde.
i can't wait to be just a memory.
maybe one day you'll think of me.
why didn't i just wait and see
what you and me could be?
i'll climb The Wall and ill be gone.
could anyone help old humpty dumpty up again?
my words lead to misconceptions.
assumptions were made,
i just needed a helping hand
and pick me up if you will.
good bye my friend,
well meet again
where the polar bear greets you with a devilish grin.
Dec 12, 2011
Dec 12, 2011 at 10:56 PM UTC