I can’t help but feel these four walls closing in
Once my sanctuary
Now only my prison
I can’t help but feel this air growing thick
Chocking on the tension that has hold a death grip
I was born restless
Always looking for ways out
With age, I’ve grown impatient
Being fed only by doubts
If I could hit the road now
I think sanity would be saved
But since I’m far from release
I’m preparing to finally cave
My best regards
To you and yours
I’ll be back someday
Carrying a newly lit torch
You can forget me if you need
When I at last return
I won’t be the same man you see
I've tried to be strong
I've played far too long
Don't be offended if I no longer give a **** when you think I am wrong
I've been looking for your encouragement
But it has been all too clear
Your selfishness is more important
I have to soldier on
I have to keep chin up
When the day is to come
Don't dare ever ask why I left
Let's see how loud I can be silent
If your eardrums aren't already busted
Let's see how bright I can vanish
Before you proclaim I'm acting out
Good riddance and goodnight
This is long overdue
Years from now I might wonder what has become of you
And smile
Feb 24, 2015
Feb 24, 2015 at 4:32 PM UTC
I’ve let my window open
So you could crawl inside
But I’ve been waiting too long
I’m cold
And you know why
Too much I’ve tried to trust
Too little I have gained
If it’s not too much to ask
Could you please explain?
The smile that I have harbored
The “yes dears” and “you’re right”
Have derailed my own reflection
And pushed me from the light
It seems that The Quiet One
This role I’ve tried to play
Is something I won’t do
I can’t live my life that way
I’m stronger than you think
Much stronger than I’ve shown
You never even noticed
The seeds that have been sewn
But spring is finally here now
And growth is in full bloom
The flowers I am growing
Some thanks is owed to you
My window is still open
But no longer for you
The air still brings chills
But it’s something I’m used to
Feb 20, 2015
Feb 20, 2015 at 9:33 PM UTC
How great it must be
To take your heart off your sleeve
And place it in someones hands
And how great it must feel with lips pressed to yours
In passion that seems so unreal
But these cards aren't in my fold
And I am getting too old
To be wishing my life away
I'm sure that the sound of your name
From the tongue and mouth
Of your lover sounds so sweet
The feel of the warm embrace
Pulling you close to make love must
Be such bliss
But these cards aren't in my fold
And I am getting too old
To be wishing my life away
All of the nights Ive cried
With no one by my side
Tired of the game I lose
How gentle the sound of the words you have found
Whispered into your ear
Guarantees and promises
Trust and commitments
And I love you too's
Talks of families
And years worth of memories
Names of babies
These cards just aren't in my fold
And I am getting too old
To be wishing my life away
All of the nights I've cried
With no one by my side
Tired of the game I lose
Broken and scarred, as well
Betrayed and mad as hell
A song stuck on repeat
It must be such a relief
Every night to go to sleep
Knowing you belong to someone
Starting your day
Knowing that they will stay with you
Through the good and the bad
But these cards aren't in my fold
And I am getting too old
To be wishing my life away
Feb 17, 2015
Feb 17, 2015 at 11:53 AM UTC
Your cheek turned
My head turned down
That's how it goes
I call(ed) you a friend
You have my back
Never, these days
Your life is more important than mine
Always, it seems
Things get rough for me
You sail on through
Things get rough for you
You drag me down too
Failed attempts at communication leave me the small child tugging on his father's shirt
Asking to be lifted on his shoulders
Soon turned angry child kicking and shoving other kids
Because he was ignored
Countless years
Countless nights
Never to be achieved again
I'm a hoarder
An emotional hoarder
A hoarder of past emotions
I want to forget them
I beg to forget them
But my head/heart says
No
It's a real condition, you see
HSP
I've yet to reach the "helpful" part of it
I'm only able to continually look through all of the dusty files in the offices of my head
Oh wait, this IS one of those "helpful" parts
I guess I should give you some credit
Maybe if you knew that my head works differently, then you'd understand why you affect me
Still.
I wish you wouldn't
I wish I could tell myself I don't need you
"Friend"
But I can't let go of how it was
But it hurts too much, how it is
You might read this
Anger
Defense
Denial
Always
We've been there so many times before
I press my back against the wall
Swing my fists
Then open my big mouth
It's a front
Surprise.
You think I'm irrational and immature
Though you used to tell me I was too nice
One extreme to the other
I think you're narcissistic and insensitive
And beautiful and funny
Curious and bold
I won't tug at your shirt anymore
I won't ask to be held up by you
I'll want to
But I'll fight it with all I have
I have to
I'm being selfish
For me
But if you ever tug at my shirt
I'll lift you on my shoulders in a heartbeat
Feb 14, 2015
Feb 14, 2015 at 9:34 PM UTC
There is an open road
Just outside my door
Outside my comfort zone
Offering so much more
There is an old suitcase
Sitting on my floor
Filled with memories of better times
And such promising lies
I think I'll wait until the late night
Maybe then this car will take flight
Take me somewhere new
Take me somewhere far away from you
If not by the blanket of the night
Maybe I'll leave by morning light
A new start on a new day
Let the sun burn the Blue away
Bright skies and winding roads
Tell me which way to go, Scarecrow
Point me to somewhere new
Point me far away from you
Oh how those days can be so long
With all those people and all those happy songs
Maybe I'll wait till the sun's hanging low
And all the pretty stars start to show
When the light whispers to the dark
Some say it's a romantic spark
I'll speed away and leave all these romantics behind
The words are too hollow and a waste of time
I'll fill up on gas and coffee, maybe cigarettes
All players, lay down your bets
A wild card is blowing in the wind
One you may never see again
Blowing away to somewhere new
Blowing far away from you
It seems to me this game is stacked
It always seems I'm coming back
My car sits still, my suitcase on the floor
What the hell am I stalling for?
That road seems so long and hard
The unknown destination so far
Until I find somewhere new
I guess I'll just stay here with you
Feb 14, 2015
Feb 14, 2015 at 3:08 PM UTC