it was never meant to last
then confusion isn’t weakness, it’s curiosity refusing to die.
the idea of loving someone is a bold one
the idea of living without someone to hold is a bolder one
i do not wish to be alone
i must
who gets to tell me when to let go of something
i wish to cling to him
i wish to save myself the heartache and only give the love that i have
i will be hurt
again and again this way
fearing the heartache as a way of life
did you lie when you told me you would never forget me,
when you said you would always tell me,
when you said you wanted more of me.
are you lying when you tell me you can’t feel anything,
when you say you can’t be with me,
when you say nothing.
Mar 22
Mar 22, 2026 at 5:52 PM UTC
Unfortunately, i am falling for him
Gloriously, i am felled for most
Hopelessly, i am enthralled, and i wish for more
Deliciously, i want to know him, better than he knows himself
Amazingly, i will not hold myself together this time.
Jan 21
Jan 21, 2026 at 4:48 PM UTC
i will not prey over meaningless times spent
grasping at empty air over what used to be the best day of our lives.
it’s not good for me.
but in all honesty, what is.
was someone supposed to tell me the difference between worthwhile and frivolous? a seminar i missed maybe?
does it matter? because time spent without worry of its worth is well spent.
time spent around those you love is well spent.
time spent laughing, crying, creating has to be well spent.
time spent exploring cities and wildernesses you will never see again is well spent,
with someone you’ll never see again is well spent.
it’s a decision to enjoy it and to live those meaningless times without the regret that it wasn’t productive or useful to you. that makes it well spent.
why am i here if not to waste time in the morning making a coffee i’ll forget to drink later.
only because the ritual wakes me up.
Jan 7
Jan 7, 2026 at 10:33 AM UTC
spreading kindness is the worst
it’s not met with kindness reciprocated
it’s not a divine improvement
it does not make you feel good
i am living in an unchecked system
positive feedback loop with no threshold to knock it back to where its supposed to be
i am hopeless at the aim of my life
without my kindness i am nothing
and with it i have nothing
May 16, 2025
May 16, 2025 at 10:15 PM UTC
i am craving someone to see
see me and care about the things that i care about and to love the things that i write and to tell me that i am worthy of something more than what i am
i want to be dissected
i dont want to ask for it every time
i dont want to cry about it anymore
do you think my letter will fix the problem? that words could mean anything more than something read and forgotten?
does it matter anymore than it did before
do you even care?
do you even know my name?
i am cursed to be this way
to want more than im given
to require love in the most beautiful way
to see the world in its smallest of beings
to observe and think more than someone should ever be able to
you are my muse
but you are the biggest part of my hurt
i keep telling myself
how long do i let someone hit me before i grab their hand and tell them i deserve better
because what if better is not there?
what if i only get this chance to let someone into my head
what if i deserve this?
i am disgusting and no one is telling me
May 5, 2025
May 5, 2025 at 11:46 PM UTC
Do you know what it’s doing to me?
Do you know what i think?
Are you listening?
That which I am successful at
I cannot do
Unknown to those naked eyes
see me outperforming last years body.
god its unsustainable.
How can you tell me
You love me, care for me
When you don’t care to see the inside of me
you don’t wish to explore that by which I live
I want to be dissected
My brain is an active volcano
Throwing lava bombs nearby with the friendliest flowers to be destroyed
The pressure pushes my magma around and I fall
In too deep
you’ll only watch
thank god you’ll watch
At least you’re there
Mar 29, 2025
Mar 29, 2025 at 5:48 PM UTC
i am imploding
my cup was full and now i am spilling over on every side
i microwaved an orange so much it blew up
like they gave me too much salsa in my burrito and it’s all over my hands when i try to eat it
no one else matters anymore
i see only you
i desire nothing more than you
nothing less
i want to braid our bones together
Mar 26, 2025
Mar 26, 2025 at 10:09 PM UTC
straining my eyes
sitting on the suitcase that is my brain trying to zip it up
pain medication
micro naps when i blink for too long
persistence
hatred
boredom
overload
Mar 25, 2025
Mar 25, 2025 at 10:45 PM UTC
its my new favorite thing
so smooth, stimulating color
like butter across my paper
scratching like mice making cave drawings
thats me
mouse trying to be remembered
that's all i want
Mar 18, 2025
Mar 18, 2025 at 3:48 PM UTC
There's nothing better than an emotional band.
when they knock themselves over with the words they wrote for the people they love or hate.
what drives that?
who do we think we are? writing the same things over and over until our hands bleed.
The new year is too cold for me
and if i'm honest I don't know if i'll last the winter.
I feel like i'm lost in the woods,
not a figurative feeling, but I am drudging through the snow
on my way somewhere I don't know how to get to.
In more recent news, I have lasted the winter
and i'm doing great. so ill include something a wrote the last time we made it out if winter, because sometimes it helps.
Theres Like an Actual Euphoria
Comes with finding it again
Like taking off pounds of weight
Diving into a cold pool
Or a hot one
Reaching the top of a tree
Finishing a book
Jumping off a high rock
Letting go of your air
Giving the reins to someone else
The relief is indescribable
I long for it
It’s all going to be ok
Mar 18, 2025
Mar 18, 2025 at 3:44 PM UTC