I'm glad I got the chance to know you
You were always there for us
In the good times and bad times
You always knew just what to say and do.
Comforting us whenever we needed you,
we could talk about anything.
No matter how good or how bad things were,
I knew we could count on you
When we got married you were there
when I wrote my book, you were proud of me.
When I got sick or if I got hurt,
you were there and made me feel better.
You always had a great sense of humor,
even when you were at your worst.
I'll always cherish the great times we had,
at the farm and at holiday time.
I'll remember all the homemade dinners,
that you cooked for us
Whenever we were there, on the farm,
and the good and bad things you shared with us.
Thank you for letting me in,
and thank you for being you.
No matter how anyone looks at it,
You will always be my second mom.
Thank you for all of your love and support,
you were the best second mom I could ever have.
I love you with all my heart,
and I will always miss you!!!
Denise Seymour
March 26th, 2015
Mar 29, 2015
Mar 29, 2015 at 8:44 PM UTC
I wonder if there are any
cures out there to help us with
a lot of our disabilities.
As far as I know there are not.
But I hope that one day
there will be a cure for mental illnesses.
When we wonder about these things
our brains tell us to do one thing and
our hearts tell us to do another.
Some of us have gone to the extreme
of attempting suicide or actually killing ourselves.
When we do these things for some reason
our minds are going in all different directions.
That is when we need to get help.
When I was in the hospital, I did not know which
way was up or which way was down.
I shut my body and my mind down for six days.
I did not eat, I did not talk, or anything else.
All I did was sleep.
When I was discharged, I had to be watched constantly,
Because nobody knew what I would do next.
After two years I still struggle everyday.
My moods go up and down.
Then I learned a new way of trying to deal
with my mind.
Dec 6, 2014
Dec 6, 2014 at 7:57 PM UTC
How many of you out there
Can remember your dreams?
I cannot remember too many of mine.
The dreams that I usually remember
Are the scary dreams.
I once had a dream that I had a puppy.
The puppy was a mutt but he was in
My dreams.
I did not know at the time but I was talking in my sleep
about him.
His name was Brutus.
In the dream I was screaming out,
"Get rid of him, Get rid of him."
I had another dream where I was
Being chased by people from
The future of the apocalypse.
I believe that dream meant
That Jesus was chasing me, and that He
was coming back to take us with Him
To heaven,
So that we could have a chance to be saved.
I believe that I was saved when I
Walked out of an abusive situation.
I had to walk thirty miles with my two
Children for seven hours, until I
Found somewhere for me and my
Children to stay at until I
Could get back on my feet.
This story seems like a dream
But it is reality.
Most people do not know what it
Is like to be me, because they do not
usually see what is really going on
Inside my head.
They have not walked in my shoes.
If I had the chance to change anything
It would be that I would never have
Dealt with anyone that would hurt me
Or my two children.
Dreams come and go but reality
Always steps in with the good and
the bad.
You need to take the good with the
Bad in order to survive.
You need to believe in God in
Order to go to heaven when you die.
It is God who can only save our souls.
I believe that I am going to heaven,
Because I am one of his chosen ones.
This is the only way to go to heaven.
Dec 4, 2014
Dec 4, 2014 at 8:13 PM UTC
Dear reader,
It won't be long before they electrocute the trees with candy colored Christmas lights. Soon everything will be gone: memories, glances, the year. Every thing will dissolve into nostalgia and our lives will become more patchwork and less hopeful. Soul-crushingly sweet our smiles will be, as we watch that disguised meteorite crash into our existence.
Her name was Reno. Her dad joked he named her so because she was the result of a gamble gone wrong.
I could see the stitching around her eyes start to falter, as tears slipped out like a young nineteen year-old girl, running out of the back of a double-wide. Away. Away from it all. Leaving her father, the mechanic who could only fix things with his hands. Running through a field as shimmering as her nails, touching the tall grass with her short fingers.
"I'm not trailer trash," she said, "I've just had it rough."
Reno could see things others couldn't see. Frequently she painted wrecked cars, and I asked why, to which she explained, "Some accidents are allowed to be beautiful."
I fell for her the way her jaw drops after one of my inappropriate jokes: quickly and with such joy.
She had the same answer to when I asked if she liked movies and if she missed her mom.
"Of course I do, Josh," she looked at me and smiled, "Hey buck, have you ever seen True Romance?"
A woman after my own heart.
We watched Christian Slater shoot Drexl, and, like a bullet to the chest, she placed her hand over my heart.
"My, oh my, are you sure that rib cage is big enough for that thing, Mr. Haines?"
She looked a little like Patricia Arquette, but identical to Michelle Williams.
"Are you aware that you look like Michelle Williams?"
Reno ran her hands up my legs, across my torso, and held her hands at my jaw,"Are you aware of how good of a person you are, John Mayer?"
"Ah, yeah. I've gotten that since high school."
She smiled, looked down and up at me,"No, the part about you being a good person? ...You're the drawing on my wall."
I didn't know what that meant.
"I had this drawing-so terrible-it was of the sunset on our hill in Welling Valley," she looked into me and down, while smiling,"Anyway, the sun would kiss the grass every evening, and one day I thought I'd draw it and keep it in my room. When every thing got ugly with my daddy's drinking, and when he beat me something awful, I wanted something to remind me that the light sometimes goes away but will always be back another day. You're my light, Josh. You're the next day after nineteen years of cussing and drinking."
We made love on my bed, as, through the window, the sun bathed our bodies. Her body was a sculpture and her voice was as soft as her lips. I was terrified.
Pulling her hair back, she stood at the foot of my bed, naked,"Are you scared of little ole' me? You look as white as a ghost."
"No, I've never felt so alive... You're so ******* beautiful."
Reno and I lain in bed while Parks and Rec played on the television. Her index and middle finger walked across my chest and stopped as she asked, "Josh, have you ever been in love?"
I touched my fingers on hers, studying them with my eyes, and then I looked at her, "Yes, once."
"What was it like?"
I thought I'd feel pain but instead I smiled, "Fantastic, fleeting, and always a little out of reach."
She cooed, "I can't wait until I think I love you like nobody else."
"Me too."
Sincerely,
Joshua Haines
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 18, 2014 at 7:08 PM UTC
If you have ever felt numb inside, I understand.
It is like an empty chocolate Easter Bunny with nothing inside.
I sometimes feel just like that inside my body.
Sometimes it feels as if there is no reality.
I feel as if I am in a dream.
Sometimes it is hard to care about anything.
Sometimes I feel as if I am ugly on the inside.
I feel like sometimes I have no heart.
I feel like I am not alive.
People look at me as if mental illness
does not mean that I cannot feel anything.
I realize that beauty is only skin deep.
But the truth of the matter is that
everybody has feelings on the inside, too.
It is just like the chocolate hollow Easter Bunny.
I am not just chocolate in a shell.
Only God can fill that hollow feeling
to make us feel solid inside.
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 18, 2014 at 6:13 PM UTC
Depression, self-hatred
It seems everyone is affected by it
Whether personally
Or if it is a family member
Or friend
Sometimes people don't even know
They are affected by it
Why is their brother so drawn away?
Why does their mommy not want to get out of bed?
Depression cannot always be prevented
But it can be beaten
With love
If you show people you care
They realize
No matter how one it takes
That they make a difference in someone's life
And that can be enough
To save them from taking their own
So please
Show people you love them
And care about them
Try not to be cold to people
Because you don't know what they are dealing with
And that sneer you give them
Could be the last straw
The one that breaks the camel's back
And all their strength and willpower
Comes crashing down
Smile
Give people something to hold on to
Until they can find Hope
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 18, 2014 at 3:41 PM UTC
When I feel lonely, I feel as if
I am in a world all by myself.
Everything I do is always a failure.
But when I accomplish things sometimes
I feel a lot better, because it is me
Doing the work and nobody else.
I have good days, and I have bad days.
But when the bad days out weigh
The good days, I feel that I cannot go on.
When the good days out weigh the
Bad days, I will be able to hold
My chin up high and say,
"I have not failed."
I am in this world, too.
I have a voice in this world.
I will be able to go a lot
Further than what people give
me credit for.
I really do not have any hopes or dreams.
I am just going with the flow of what is
About to happen next.
I want to feel that people care
And that I can to anything.
Even when I have a tough time,
I feel stuck, because I think
It is part of my illness and
part of the economy.
I want to be set free.
I want to be able to make
Enough money so that I will not
Be a prisoner of my own mind.
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 6:11 PM UTC
I am considerate and outgoing.
I wonder if there is a real me
hidden underneath all my disabilities.
I hear the angels singing.
I see the angels flying around the lights.
I want to play with all the little children.
I am considerate and outgoing.
I pretend that I am normal.
I feel like I can touch the clouds
and the stars in the sky.
I touch other people's hearts when
they hear my interesting stories.
I worry about every little thing.
I feel like I am invisible sometimes.
I cry when I see or hear children being hurt.
I am considerate and outgoing.
I understand that beauty is only skin deep.
I say, "You can do anything you want to
do if you put your mind to it."
I dream of one day being a writer.
I try to do the best I can in everything I do.
I hope that other people like me
can see the good things in life like I do.
I am considerate and outgoing.
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 6:00 PM UTC