“i’ll always choose him”
her voice rolled like thunder
the words struck me like lightning
the raindrops falling down my face
as i watch the wind carry my love away.
it becomes too much to bare
i become a storm cellar, attempting to lock my emotions away.
but the storm is too much,
my love for her consumes me like a surfer in the middle of a hurricane.
i don’t know how to control it.
like the waves my mind is slowly crashing
i’m scared, lost, and confused.
i’m in the middle of nowhere, yet i still scream for help.
somehow i see her and we lock eyes.
she becomes a tornado as she wraps me up,
only to leave me worse then when she found me.
for some reason i can’t convince myself to leave her.
i hold on to the fact that after every storm there’s still a rainbow.
i just wonder if it’ll be you.
Jun 8, 2020
Jun 8, 2020 at 4:29 PM UTC
she’s always with me, but yet still makes me feel lonely
she’s loyal, she’ll never leave
she knows my every flaw and still chooses to stay
she’s always with me especially on my bad days
she’s jealous, she makes sure she’s the only one in my life.
she’s been by my side and hasn’t left for about 11 months now
she makes sure i don’t smile too much
she knows all my insecurities and helps me make more
she loves to push other people away
she lists everything that’s wrong with me, it makes me go insane
sometimes it seems like she thinks of my life as a game
i once told her to leave, and she clung to neck like a noose
i have a friend.
her name is depression.
May 18, 2020
May 18, 2020 at 2:52 AM UTC
I want all of you
I want your messy morning hair
Your sleepy smiles
Your tired eyes
Your sloppy kisses
I want to wake up with your arms around me
I want to wake up warm from your body heat
I want all of you
I want your soft pajama pants
I want your smell on my linen sheets
Your hand in mine
Your soft touch
Your anxieties and tangled thoughts.
I want to get up with you
I want your toothpaste lips
I want to watch you while you pick out your clothes
I want to watch you as you get ready
I want all of you.
I want your scrambled eggs in my tummy
Your freshly squeezed orange juice on my table
Your hum in my kitchen while you cook
Your silly morning things
I want a whole bunch of magnetic poetry words on our fridge
I want to see the silly things you put together
I want to see all the lovey things you wrote
I want all of you
I want to curl up with you
I want to lay by the fire
I want to paint our minds on the walls
I want all of you
Your warm kisses
Your fingers
Your skin so smooth
I want your passion
Your skin running against mine
Your fingers roaming
Your lips tracing
Your mind yearning
Your heart racing
Your exaggerated breaths
I want to be with you
I want to do things and know your mine
I want you to tell me everyday how much you need me, in person
I want to lay with you and watch movies all day
I want to lay under warm blankets and drink cocoa
I want to feel you touch me
I want to feel our two souls becoming one, our hearts beating in rhythm
I want to go on adventures
I want all of you
Your curiosities
Your wonders
Your fascinations
Your skills
I want to discover every inch of you
I want to conquer amazing things with you.
I want to hold your hand every day while we drive
I want to kiss you in the rain while we stop to watch it fall
I want all of you
Your ways of making me smile
Your ways of comforting me
Your beautiful eyes and your beautiful words
I want to shop with you
Picking out our favorite foods
Dancing through the isles
I want all of you
The way you pick out soaps
The way you push the cart
The way you gently place sodas to keep them from fizzing
The way you hand the cashier money
The way you politely give her a smile and make small talk
I want to spend every second with you by my side.
I want all of you
I want the way you sing to music in the car
Your walks
Your jumps
Your skips
Your hops
I want to dance with you at random times
I want to know that you care about me
I want all of you
The way you stick up for me
The way you do what I want
The way you're always there.
I want to go home and catch you staring at me while I'm sitting in our chair reading
I want to feel you kiss me randomly
I want to feel you lean against me
I want to know that I'll never lose you.
I want all of you.
The way you look when your scared
Your nerves
Your happiness
Your shakes
Your ponders
I want to garden with you.
I want to rake and **** with you
I want to watch you work and wonder how you became mine
The way you tenderly water plants
The way you pull weeds right from the roots
I want all of you
Your ***** hands
Your sweaty pores
Your delicious produce
Your never ending breaths
Your sunburnt nose
I want all of you
I want to cook dinner with you
I want to sit outside listening to crickets while I watch you grill
I want to talk to you when you chop vegetables
I want to set the table for two
I want to light candles and turn on music
I want all of you
The way you tenderly mix foods
Your ways of buttering breads
The condensation on your water glass
Your fork clinking
Your way of making me laugh
The way you talk about your day even if I was there
I want to clean up with you
Washing dishes with your hands on my hips
I want to wipe the table and look at you
I want you to be my encouragement
I want to go for a drive to the beach
I want to hold your hand as we watch the sunset
I want all of you
Your glistening eyes in the sun
Your breath as you talk closely to me
Your giggles
Your frustrations
I want to put my feet in the water and feel you follow me
I want to wave goodbye to the sun, knowing it wouldn't matter if it came back or not, because I'd have you.
I want to listen to seagulls with you
I want you to tell me stories
I want all of you
Your creativity
Your needs
Your wants
Your pleasures
I want you to build a sand castle with me when the orangey glow of the sun is still around.
I want to go get ice cream with you
I want all of you
Your ice cream on your face
Your napkin hands
Your chilly tongue
I want to go home and do laundry with you
I want your way of separating darks from lights
Your clothes intermixed with mine
Your socks
Your detergent
Your breaths as you pick up socks
The way your fingers seem to dance as you fold clothes
I want to fall asleep with you
I want to crawl into the same bed as you
I want to lay on your chest
I want you to play with my hair and sing me sweet words
I want you, all of you
Your heart beating in my ear
Your closeness
Your hands tracing my bare skin
I want to kiss you before falling asleep.
I want to know you're right there with me
I want to trace hearts on your skin
I want to share cold feet and fluffy feather blankets
I want all of you
Your dreams
Your snores
Your beautiful eyelids
Your limp muscles
Your head soft on my pillow
I want all of you.
I don't just want you, I need you.
May 5, 2020
May 5, 2020 at 2:31 AM UTC
I wait.
I wait and it rains.
I wait and it rains but I feel no water.
I wait and it rains but I feel no water yet his fingers wrapped around my wrist burns an imprint, a brand into my veins, my bones.
I wait and it rains but I feel no water.
I wait and it rains.
I wait.
I can feel myself floating
I travel beside him as he drives for forever,
AsI lay my head to rest every night.
He knows I'm there,
But he never dares to look at me.
As if
He's afraid
Smiling in my general direction
Will make me real
Again.
And if
I am
Real
Again
He could
Lose me
Again.
Mar 30, 2020
Mar 30, 2020 at 8:26 PM UTC
why do we hate when we should love
why can’t we forgive and just make up
instead we get mad and hold up guns
we fall into society and now look who’s won
so who’s really winning? the world. or us.
we’re surrounded by people yet all alone
trapped in our minds, trapped in our phones
we say we’re “ok”
but you can tell by the tone
we’re fighting, we’re scared, we just want to feel at home
so who’s really winning? the world. or us.
the truth is we’re trapped in society
and scared to be us
so we conform, we change, we try to fit there ways
but the reality is we’ll never be enough
we have to choose happiness, choose love
choose forgiveness and choose to trust
we have to forget society and choose US
So Ask yourself
who will you let win? the world. or us.
Oct 18, 2019
Oct 18, 2019 at 4:19 PM UTC