He molested me
But taught me about the Romans
As if to give me the tools to survive it
Father, I am a rock
Made of stone
Cold and unfeeling
I finch from affection
Is this the direction?
Is this how you prepared me for the world .
Pulling my pig tails too tight you remind me that the world wouldn't be this nice .
I expect the worst at every turn.
Ice blue eyes haunt my nightmares and offer false promise
He molested me but
He taught me about the Romans
Accepting death
Accepting pain as an after thought of being human standing as a solider
Standing tall and brave
Accepting everything as a lesson
You only can control how you react: How I retract
Reject
Reject
Reject
Loving everyone more than I love myself.
Give
Give
Give
If my capacity for love were a pie
Id have given every slice to someone else
Meeting my gaze in the mirror
Eyes glazing over
Nothing left for self.
Jun 10, 2023
Jun 10, 2023 at 10:27 PM UTC
I long for affection from my peers
But this fortress I've built prevents me from getting close
because of this I'm the loneliest person i know
melancholy still envelops me every second
parts of me fight to step out of my fortress
but the pain of the ones I've loved the most
holds me instead
Id like to say I'm over it
Its nothing but a distant memory but id be lying
I think about it everyday
it replays like a broken projector I'm forced to watch
Strapped down to these theatre seats
My tears staining my face forever
I ache for their touch to be held close
to feel that warmness only another body can provide
Neurotic might as well be my first name
You can tell just by looking at me
I'm crawling in my skin
I will not let you in ever again
maybe that's the saddest part
I cant forgive you
not any of you.
I might have created this façade that I am whole again but
I'm the best actress in this tragedy
its almost comical how I've attempted to sweep everything under the rug
Part of me demands justice
the other just wants silence to all of these repetitive thoughts
Anguish devours me constantly but
disassociation is my game
I'm not sure how long i can play
My patients is wearing thin
no longer wanting to deal with this because there is NO solution but to forget
to forget is impossible
So I remain incredibly alone.
Oct 15, 2020
Oct 15, 2020 at 1:35 PM UTC
Lately i've been reminiscing of the past
how it went by so fast
i'm reminded nothing lasts
Everything is in constant change
yet we are constantly wanting to turn the page
Lately i've been thinking
on how im always alone
days
weeks
years
a l o n e
I don't even really notice
I couldn't tell you on what i focused on to pass the time
How i"ve wasted my seconds
Now actually trying to feel my existence is
horrifically overwhelming
feeling my soul crack beneath the waves of melancholy
everything's
b l u e
Jun 26, 2020
Jun 26, 2020 at 9:52 PM UTC
I quit my job because the pay made me fell
worthless.
You just got back into town and
im already so hi in the beautiful sky
you couldn't find me even if you tired.
your baby is almost due and i feel like your
brand new
a defined woman who would chose rather to not let my
toxicity ruin your dream of family maybe im cutting myself off too soon
because i know its for the best and
i love you so much my dearest friend.
Nov 10, 2018
Nov 10, 2018 at 12:42 AM UTC
wanting to write
but tired of singing the same
desolate
tune.
Im always experiencing impending doom
It gathers in , spills in the room
until all i can feel is panic
the Iceland of my chest is becoming
to thick each breath I take is labored
and im just so tired all
the
time.
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 12:09 AM UTC
Looking for the correct path to take.
back and forth my head swivels.
Dizzy with possibility.
I'm capable of building myself up
I'm also quite talented at self destruction
The art of mutilation
tired from over working myself
fatigue has
become me.
or
most of me at least.
constantly shaking and quivering form lack of nutrition
Lack of sleep
to many cigarettes
Too much poison.
I guess.
Nov 2, 2018
Nov 2, 2018 at 3:45 AM UTC
361
What I can do—I will—
Though it be little as a Daffodil—
That I cannot—must be
Unknown to possibility—
Oct 18, 2018
Oct 18, 2018 at 7:35 PM UTC
1233
Had I not seen the Sun
I could have borne the shade
But Light a newer Wilderness
My Wilderness has made—
Oct 18, 2018
Oct 18, 2018 at 7:26 PM UTC
The absence of my peers
has conditioned my mind to dissociation.
Reality comes back starving for what little sanity I possess.
It laughs and scoffs in my face as I continuously trip and bruise my
Knees.
And at the end of the day I crawl to the deep cave where i dwell
Licking my wounds choking on the taste of copper
this isn't what I was destined to become
I'm still your daughter.
Here I found myself in the slaughter house where you've decided i belong.
I make friends with shadows and the night has become my confidant
Sorrow spills from my lips in manic chatter.
my cigarettes are always almost gone.
I've fallen behind and i'm out of breath I need
Rest.
my feet keep walking and my eyes keep searching for safety
wearily and discouraged , telling my self , keep going , keep going , keep going , keep going.
Oct 6, 2018
Oct 6, 2018 at 5:37 AM UTC
losing you has been
difficult.
Your now on your way to become ash
Then into a bottle Ill keep on my
shelf along with the others i've lost.
The others we both loved.
If there is a heaven I sure hope your there, and i
hope all your pain is gone and you enjoy the sunshine on your skin.
I hope your helping all of us out that need help.
Like me.
I'm retracing my same o'l steps, I don't mind the detour this time.
i
Oct 6, 2018
Oct 6, 2018 at 5:25 AM UTC