how did it go"
"fine"
"are you
sure"
"yes"
"you need to
do this
and that
and that
other thing too"
"oh
okay"
said sadly
looking away
tears begin
and drip down
the nose like a
waterfall tumbling down
a cliff
"did he
hurt you"
"no
no
its fine"
the tears keep
falling
falling
falling
and the heart
shatters
falling to the
ground in
pieces
scattered
"it doesnt look
fine"
"it is i
promise you"
"im sorry he
hurt you i didnt
want this to happen
he did this to
me too"
wanting to run
away
"its
fine
ill be
fine
dont worry about me
please"
singing childhood songs
the first remembered
and then the nightmare song
heard in the dark
"you can be
anybody you want
to be"
curling into a small ball of
self-ness
self-defense
hiding behind the
curtain
of hair
that is the
only
defense
"i
i
i
always feel so
broken when he
talks to
me"
"i can get you
out
of there if you
need
me to"
"no
no
its fine
all fine
dont worry
please"
"i love you"
"i know"
and sometimes
i wish you
didnt because
it hurts
Dec 10, 2015
Dec 10, 2015 at 6:30 PM UTC
How do you break up
When he loves you more
But you can't decide
Where your heart really lies
(In both senses of the word)
Why should you decide
When it's HIM who ******* up
But not you
You hope he does the deed
But you want to, too
How can you choose
The answer eludes
And your head spins as you ponder
The terrible question
Him?
Or me?
Sep 20, 2015
Sep 20, 2015 at 5:25 PM UTC
You think you
LOVE ME
you say
but
you can't be sure
i can't be sure
who do you really
LOVE? ME
or the facade I show you?
How
do I know?
who can say
what you meant to say
but you?
Sep 20, 2015
Sep 20, 2015 at 5:24 PM UTC
I'm scared
of what, you ask?
My father.
He's taught me
to be as perfect as possible
but
I can't.
Can anyone?
Is it fair
to terrify your kid
into believing that
they're worthless?
Sep 20, 2015
Sep 20, 2015 at 5:23 PM UTC
Where did you go?
I swear you were fine two days ago...
Apparently I missed something.
You've gotten distant.
Is it me? He says it is.
Pay more attention to her (him? It's confusing.)
Talk to me. Please.
Tell me what I'm doing wrong.
I'm not abandoning you! I promise!
Believe me.
I care. I really do. So please, help me understand.
Sep 20, 2015
Sep 20, 2015 at 3:59 PM UTC
You started as a girl
With wavy blonde hair, worn long (for religion)
And sea green eyes.
You always wore a skirt (also the religion)
And hated it, railed against it every day.
That girl didn't last long,
The quiet girl who wanted out.
You were still a girl after
With short blond hair and green eyes,
But now the skirts were gone
And so was the quiet.
You began to rebel,
But only in small ways.
Hair
And skirts
And secrets never told, except to me.
This girl became a leader,
Strong and proud, MY leader.
Next you were dangerous.
Hiding yourself with
Cuts and the cuts with
Long sleeves and harsh words.
I tried to help, hide, anything at all
But it was hard,
With parents snooping,
Checking my email,
They discovered
The cutting and
Everything else.
I was ordered to talk to you and
In doing so,
Smashed your trust in me.
You never forgave me for that,
The dangerous girl I knew.
Next you were hard and sharp
With dyed hair and
A slash for a smile,
And new-minted bisexuality.
I tried so hard to balance
On the edge of your affection
And my confusion,
To find a way to be "normal".
But why try?
Normal doesn't exist.
I couldn't do it, so I
Gave up and
Flirted back
At, you, the girl I loved.
Now you're a boy
And I worry for you.
Your mother won't speak to you
And your father ignores you
And I had to move
And there are too many things I worry about.
You can take care of yourself.
I know that much to be true.
After all, you cared for me
When I was younger,
And for that I thank you,
The boy you've now become.
Sep 20, 2015
Sep 20, 2015 at 3:58 PM UTC
Why can't love be easy? Everyone hates me! I'll never get a date!
(whoamikiddingimtotallyunlikeablethatsdefinitelythereason)
Who says love is difficult?
I find it quite easy, myself.
(notreallybuticanttellYOUthat)
But, do you have real love?
True love like in a movie?
(iwishididitwouldbesomucheasierthanstayingalone)
Well, no, but-
But what?
It's not love if it's a game!
(theresbeentoomanygamesformetoomanyproblemshelpme)
It's not a game,
I love you!
(finallythetruthisoutILOVEYOUwaitwhatididntjustsaythatimeanshecantknow)
...What?
(idontuderstandithoughtwewerefriendsbut)
Nothing. It's nothing.
I didn't say anything.
(coverquickshecantknow)
Yes, you did!
(repeatitpleaseidontunderstandhelpme)
No! I swear, it's nothing!
(ignoremepleasepleasepleaseimpanickingohgodnowhydidisaythatshesstraightiknowthatohhelpme)
Fine....
(stilldontbelieveyoubutilldropitiguess)
Okay...? Bye, I guess. Talk to you later.
(thankgodshedoesntcareandilltalkaboutitlaterandmaybeitwillworkoutihopeso)
Bye! Talk to you later!
(greatshedoesntsuspectthatimscaredandconfuseddoiloveherohgodidontknowthisissohard)
Sep 20, 2015
Sep 20, 2015 at 3:56 PM UTC
He sat behind me
At dinner
Unobtrusively
So quietly I didn't
Couldn't
Notice
He was there
Until
The music started
A melody
I hadn't heard
In months,
Days,
Years
My favorite
So I turned away from
The conversation
And listened
Intently
To the Broadway magic
That brought me
Back
To times gone by
I missed
This
The music of my childhood
It is a type of magic
Like any song
I suppose, but
Special
At least to me
That violinist
Behind me at dinner
Continued to play my
Memories
For me
And returned me to
Happiness
Sep 20, 2015
Sep 20, 2015 at 3:46 PM UTC
My head
Is spinning
As I try to
Understand
The messages
Swirling around the room
Honestly,
Who thought it was a
"Good Idea"
To put one hundred
One hundred
Teenagers in a small room
And let them talk?
Does anyone think anymore?
These conversations
Are full of inanities,
Mundanities
There is nothing of
Consequence,
Just iPhones,
Snapchat,
Instagram.
Who decided
That ANY of this
Was in ANY WAY
A "Good Idea"?
Sep 20, 2015
Sep 20, 2015 at 3:46 PM UTC
You've been like
The sun
My parent
To me
All these years
So what will I
The weak green
Plant
Or the small helpless
Child
Do, now that you're
Gone.
Do you worry like I do?
That our friendship will fade
Into infrequent
Texts?
And more infrequent visits?
That's what I worry
Will happen next year
When I'm far away
And you're left alone
With no one to
Listen
Or know
When you need
Someone.
Sep 20, 2015
Sep 20, 2015 at 3:44 PM UTC