That pain inside your heart; I know it all too well
You see it in me every day
The darkness of my soul; it looms over you
And I never wished it was this way
Deep inside my mind is a burning world of pain and fire
I live in it; burn in it; die in it
I never wanted any of this endless living hell
To play out before your eyes
I want you to know I never meant any of it
I wish it were true that anything could help
I want you to know you're innocent in this
The loving words you say mean the world to me
The pain I feel is not your fault
It's plagued me all my life
The blood I've spilt and hate I've felt
A symptom of the strife
My life is worth just a fraction
Of the love you give
It means the world to me just
To be there by your side
I wish I never had this hidden world beneath the skin
I wish you never had to see this horrid part of me
I wish we never fought like this; my heart shatters at the thought
I wish my soul wasn't tainted by this troubled sea
I want you to know I never meant any of it
I wish it were true that anything could help
I want you to know you're innocent in this
The loving words you say mean the world to me
If I ever see the light
I'll be there by your side
I want you to know I love you so much more
Than the demons inside want you to see
Apr 4, 2021
Apr 4, 2021 at 7:43 AM UTC
Flowing in a sea of aeons and landmines
Diving fathoms in lucid nightmares
One can only take so much torment
Before giving in
Isolated on an island of pain
Made to suffer at every turn
All existence is neither black nor white
Just blood red
Surrounded by eternity's omniscient torturer
Swallowed whole by her madness and fear
An eternal damnation most hellish
Yet divine
A soul lost to time; a life to the blade
No one to grieve for this loss
As there was nothing to lose
But indifference
Plunging through the inky depths of aeons
Sinking like a boulder tied 'round the neck
Dragged down into blackness
Neither grieved nor mourned
Just lost
Lost to eternity
Apr 3, 2021
Apr 3, 2021 at 5:25 AM UTC
Her voice; her touch;
The way her hands feel—
Coursing through my hair
All her love; her emotion;
The way she clings to me—
In her times of need, and mine
Sometimes I think she needs me more;
Sometimes I think she doesn't mean it—
Like her words cut my skin
Like a knife through butter—
I don't deserve her;
She cares more than anyone ever could—
I swear it couldn't be meant for me
But it is; all of it;
It's overwhelming at times—
I don't deserve it
I couldn't possibly deserve it;
Not a chance in hell—
But still she tries
Still she loves me; still—
Feb 22, 2021
Feb 22, 2021 at 5:01 AM UTC
Oh accursed one—
Bound to this vessel before us
Like us; You are us—
Lost to eternity and the weave of fates
Your will tethers us—
We do your bidding eternal
Unhindered; Unwavering—
Until we wither into aeon
We are the enigma—
The fragments of a whole
The shards; The Ariadne—
Balanced in harmonic resonance
Blind to the past—
Unwilling to see what is to come
Wayward; Headstrong—
Eternities be ******
Jan 22, 2021
Jan 22, 2021 at 9:01 AM UTC
All that I am—this hate reflected inward;
An echo of guilt wrapped in disdain
Lost to the inevitability of passing time
Yet still it lives
All that I know—this sadness you see;
I don't let you close though I should
A life gone in an instant leaving nothing behind
But this crumbling façade
All that I feel—this vestigial regret; no, fear;
Ties with which to bind me to this life;
To keep me tethered to this world
Yet still ethereally
All that we project—the unwarranted attacks;
The bridges I've burned, rebuilt, and burned again
All to feel something other than sorrow
Meant for no one
All that I see—the flames around me; burning;
This reflection of what's beyond this calm exterior
The love and hate; The love of hate; The hate of love;
The gyre beneath the surface
All of this turmoil—this undeserved turbulence;
The love I thought to give, but was mistaken
The hate I sought to hide, but was misappropriated
Is all I see
And all I see is failure on my part; of my control;
Of my desires hidden with lock and key;
And of searing anger unconstrained
Eternity in vain
Jan 19, 2021
Jan 19, 2021 at 6:50 PM UTC
Given time to think—
Time to breathe and to feel;
And to be; to see;
Time to know my place—
Not fear to face;
Nor fall from grace;
And without haste—
This life, I'll taste;
As I rise from the ashes
Of self-hate
Dec 30, 2020
Dec 30, 2020 at 6:23 AM UTC
The city never sleeps
Always busy; always something
Something to do
It shines like moonlight
A modern day nightlight
Dec 3, 2020
Dec 3, 2020 at 1:10 AM UTC
It haunts me sometimes
The distraught look in your eyes
Knowing that you can't get through
It's much worse on the other end
Seeing you so upset
Knowing you won't open up
Not even to me
It haunts me sometimes
Seeing you so unresponsive
Like I'm dead to you
I hate the feeling so much
Being on the outside
Desperate to be let in
I'm sorry I ever did it to you
Nov 24, 2020
Nov 24, 2020 at 7:45 AM UTC
If only you could see me now
Instead of this emotional wall
Solid grey stone upon chiseled stone
Imposing and oppressive
I see myself in this wall
I can see my mistakes
Written in stone and reflected
Like a mirror staring back at me
Anger and pain met with hatred
Resentment for what I was
What I am; who we are
All I have said and done
I see too much of me
Too much of the sadness and disdain
Melancholy and anger
I deserve no better
I built this wall to keep things out
But they still break through
Like a stone through glass
This glass fortress
It reflects my memories back at me
Painfully unforgettable moments
Visions of shattered emotions
Like a stained glass mural torn asunder
And all those glass fragments do
Is cut back at me, slicing deep
And the crumbling wall crushes me
Brick by brick by brick
Until I get what I deserved all along
Nov 22, 2020
Nov 22, 2020 at 4:58 AM UTC
Lost and found but never returned;
Mended and duct taped together--
Yet still riven deep within;
Sundered eternally; dust on no wind
Wind to bring the mightiest oaks to topple;
Zephyrs of times foretold--
Times of catharsis and of calm;
Catatonic like this still air
Air to breathe and to suffocate;
Drowning in an endless sky--
Rain, but to only turn grass to mud;
Prairie to swamp; earth to dust
Dust upon a picture frame;
Glass shattered but still whole--
An allegory for a light to shine bright;
Only to burn out in a cold eternal night
Night so frigid it cuts straight to the bone;
Brittle like a heart frozen over--
Arteries clogged with slush;
Slowing to a snail's pace; creeping
Creeping into my soul like the darkness;
Black as night and ichor; as a fractured mind--
One lost to time; fading as all does
Like petrichor on a steady wind
Wind gentle as a loving embrace;
Vicious like a stab in the back--
Or gruesome as one to the throat;
Cutting deep to spill the blood
Blood of life and of death;
Signalling the end of one's run--
The end of life and beginning of eternity;
Aeons to suffer through endlessly
Endlessly, eternally, cyclically;
Ebb and flow in the most macabre of senses--
Leaving nothing to chance;
For chance is an illusion of fate
Fate brings me here tonight;
Carries me through ups and downs--
Soaring heights, but still I fall;
Too close to the sun, perhaps
Perhaps this is not the end;
Almost certainly it won't be--
The cycle is not to be interrupted;
Though fate may not show its hand
Hand me a knife to cut these bonds;
Sever the sutures that hold this shattered soul--
Let it be a message to the gods;
I make my own path, I am my own fate--
Nov 16, 2020
Nov 16, 2020 at 5:44 AM UTC