I feel so ******* depraved.
I'm out of touch, with myself.
I don't know what drives me anymore,
perhaps it's the most basic goal to live my life
and find my way to my grave.
To rest easy within the Dirt.
I am convince that there is no higher power
that could create such a living Hell,
nothing to save you.
I feel like a histrionic madman.
The insomnia, the drinking, the abuse
is all bad for this physical frame,
but it fuels the creative engine.
It provides a push to keep the drive going.
Is this enough to call myself self aware?
Is it possible to be my own judge, jury, and executioner?
Sep 21, 2018
Sep 21, 2018 at 12:08 AM UTC
We don't seem to love the same way anymore.
We don't go on dates,
and we don't buy flowers.
It's hard to pry away from your phone.
There is no such thing as a pleasant silence.
We must always be distracted.
We can't be bothered to just go out together.
There have to be other people involved.
The concept of "having a moment" is construed.
Love is cynical.
My grandparents still love like the old folks.
They've been doing it for fifty-two years,
and they show no sign of stopping.
If only we took the time to look
at what they did in life.
To see what has kept them together
for all these years.
That love could fill an entire room,
chock full of memories.
I suppose the world is too fast for their archaic ways.
We're into speed dating these days.
We want to see other people, have breaks, and personal time.
There is no heart warming love left.
It's all about cheap thrills, getting off.
Sep 21, 2018
Sep 21, 2018 at 12:00 AM UTC
Like a dream,
You came and went from my life.
The only problem is
I still day dream about you.
I still look for your messages.
I know they won’t come.
At night when I can’t sleep,
I wish you were still beside me.
I get a little excited when I hear
A voice that sounds similar to yours.
It’s just life; I know.
It gets a little hard sometimes,
And I only wish that had more time with you.
More time to feel you,
Pressed against me when we hugged,
To smell you light flowery perfume,
To feel your lips caress mine.
It’s a dream that I wish I could have
Each and every night.
Sep 20, 2018
Sep 20, 2018 at 11:47 PM UTC
All I have ever wanted,
more so than anything else in this life,
is to be happy.
Each time
I start to feel like I'm getting toward my goal
something rips it away from me.
Usually it is me.
I take all of that hard work,
and I throw it so far away.
I don't know why
I do the things I do.
I guess,
I've been doing it so long
that it comes second nature to me.
Sep 11, 2018
Sep 11, 2018 at 12:56 PM UTC
Occasionally, there is something
That stirs within my soul.
It is when this stirring takes place that I am truly happy.
I feel genuine excitement to be taking in
Everything that goes on around me.
All is grandiose avant garde.
Carpe diem, memento mori.
Aug 31, 2018
Aug 31, 2018 at 1:11 AM UTC
When I loved,
it was in solitude;
it was in the wee hours,
too far gone to know myself,
that I loved.
I loved when
the rain poured down,
dark and gloomy,
and I gulped down another shot.
When I loved,
nobody seemed to care,
especially you.
I walked away
with nothing left,
but sadness.
Time has passed.
I love again,
but now someone cares.
Jul 16, 2018
Jul 16, 2018 at 11:33 PM UTC
The other day you told me you liked Him.
Yesterday you told me we were just friends now.
I still feel so much for you,
and its killing me everyday.
I miss making you smile.
That's His job now.
I always wanted to buy you a fancy dinner,
and get drunk off champagne.
I suppose I can reheat some left overs
and drink some whiskey while you and Him go out to eat.
There isn't much more for me to say,
other than that I love you and I miss you.
Jul 11, 2018
Jul 11, 2018 at 10:45 PM UTC
It rained the other day.
It’d been quite a while since the last rain.
I sat in my corner
watching the drops hit our pond,
and I thought to myself,
“My, it has been a while since I last played in the rain.
I should change that.”
So, I hopped into a pair of shorts and sandals.
I walked out the door.
I felt the instant chill
as the drops hammered against my skin.
My shoulders tensed up in the cold.
My face broke into a smile.
I ran and stomped and played
in the puddles, brown and cold.
I felt alive again.
It was a pleasant experience.
Jul 3, 2018
Jul 3, 2018 at 6:31 PM UTC
Despite the number of times the earth rotates on its axis
and spins around the sun,
I’m still here
sipping whiskey at 3 a.m,
and you’re still there
doing whatever it is you do
without me.
Jul 3, 2018
Jul 3, 2018 at 6:27 PM UTC
For every step I took
she took a thousand,
because she was a comet
and I a man.
What chance did I have of catching her?
None.
Nevertheless, I still tried.
Jul 3, 2018
Jul 3, 2018 at 6:22 PM UTC