turning twenty once with grace
shoveling teen years out of space
tears slipping down my face
ive never been so unsure of my place
May 3, 2023
May 3, 2023 at 6:25 PM UTC
drunk and crying alone
family’s in home
did i make you cry
i’ll always wonder why
tho i told you to disown
you still pick up the phone
May 3, 2023
May 3, 2023 at 6:24 PM UTC
lights pass through windows lit by broken bulbs and held by failing foam
moving at miles per whoever knows trying to get home
underground where you can’t hear the rain know the sun shines even on a darkened train
come up from the tunnels where light only flashes in funnels
May 3, 2023
May 3, 2023 at 6:24 PM UTC
i can’t say i miss the heat
never really been one to sweat and forget
i just miss the beat
ac’s broke and life’s joke let the breeze in
swelter summer sun burn kisses into brown skin
May 3, 2023
May 3, 2023 at 6:23 PM UTC
on the way i say
oh see i spy with my little eye
a cure for what’s eating me
once more gone back
same billboard in tact you see
what is a cure for ptsd
May 3, 2023
May 3, 2023 at 6:22 PM UTC
oh what a beautiful time to be dead it is
to walk amongst the theatrics of absurdity
to deep inhale four counts for nothing
when none of your bloods still pumping.
oh, please!
start my stilled heart before my brain fa
lls apart.
i can’t help but think what a lovely night it is
to lay here inside a body just coffin-sized
to exhale eight beats before you’ve forgotten
what a beautiful time it is to be rotten.
so please
take my brain ap
art before they start my heart.
May 3, 2023
May 3, 2023 at 6:21 PM UTC
oh brother, holy mother
take my hand and bring it asunder
hold me after morning light
take in shoulders, make me smother
choke me deep into the night
May 3, 2023
May 3, 2023 at 6:21 PM UTC
i say you don’t know me
so you parrot back too many back and forths to count
you have this favorite and i have one different
you remember this one time and i remember another
you have these few problems and i’ve worked through them prior
but you don’t watch when my eyes are closed
or when i’m turned away in imagined solitude
you know things, moments, memories
about me but you don’t know me
you’ve never cared enough to know me
and i know this cause i know you
and i’ve been you and i love you and i want you dead
May 3, 2023
May 3, 2023 at 6:20 PM UTC
is a walking contradiction not a contradiction of himself
if i wake up in the morning more tired than before sleep did i rest or just close my eyes
if i’m having the time of my life whilst also the worst sense of what else is going wrong did i feel or just watch it float by
if i’m alive and numb am i really still breathing
i am this walking contradiction you cower from
close you eyes and face the sun
but watch as it rises and sets
May 3, 2023
May 3, 2023 at 6:19 PM UTC
i’m so happy i wave at myself in the mirror in wonder
i wonder when the bags underneath my eyes began to look so heavy they might rip
i wonder why my wrists and elbows look so fragile surrounded by my own fingertips
i wonder where all my sadness has gone to im so happy
im so happy my sadness has taken root in other parts of my body
my brain so overcome by happiness all other emotions take a back seat to it
but i can feel my own ailments crawling and climbing their way under my skin and through my veins
limbs grow heavier day by day as wrists grow smaller and smaller
while joints get stiffer second by second taunting my attempts to move
i’m so happy my sadness is practically stuck gum on the bottom of someone else’s shoe
so happy my sad becomes someone else’s problem
one i can always look back and check on and choose to forget
i’m so happy i’m sad
i remember songs of sweet sorrow and sob silently
when was the last time my sorrow ceased before tomorrow
May 3, 2023
May 3, 2023 at 6:18 PM UTC