Thoughts of death are coming back.
I cut my hand open on purpose.
I don't want to move.
I don't want to live.
Woo.
Apr 12, 2016
Apr 12, 2016 at 7:40 PM UTC
Its interesting to see,
that this thing happens so constantly.
I'm here.
I exist.
I'm seen.
I'm acknowledged.
I'm a part of something.
But like all good things.
They go away in time.
Within time,
i fade.
I'm ignored.
I'm forgotten.
Like an old memory,
that doesn't need to be remembered.
I'm an afterthought.
Dec 14, 2015
Dec 14, 2015 at 4:08 AM UTC
The more i think,
the more i know.
I know i am a failure.
I know i am unwanted.
I don't ever want to leave this room.
I don't want to leave this bed.
It will be my final resting place.
Like a body bag.
Because there is no glory in a bag.
Just like there isn't any in this bed.
Im lethargic,
Im dying.
Dec 4, 2015
Dec 4, 2015 at 3:41 AM UTC
I've been so curious as to what I am.
What I am to other people.
What I mean to other people.
And I have found out what it is.
I am nothing.
I am the unwanted friend and son.
I am the mistake made at a party.
I am the regret you feel when you realized you could've done better.
I am the thing people don't want.
Why am I this way.
Why am I thrown away after I give everybody my all.
Why am I getting hurt.
For doing my best.
I'm sorry.
If I went away you wouldn't notice.
You wouldn't feel or see the difference.
But as soon as I say this.
I exist again.
I "matter".
It's just because you don't want to have to deal with death.
Deal with putting up the front of sadness.
I know I wouldn't be missed.
But that doesn't matter.
Because I don't matter.
Dec 3, 2015
Dec 3, 2015 at 3:44 AM UTC
I've been asked why I picked this name.
Timothy lee.
"What's the connection?"
"What's the importance"
"What does it mean"
Timothy Richard Lee.
Now.
Lee is nothing.
A common name.
But.
Those two names are who I wish to be.
Who I want to be.
I want to be like them.
A hero.
Like a bird.
Soaring in the sky.
To save you.
I know I can't be him.
I can't be the robin.
I can't save because all I do is destroy.
I wish I wouldn't destroy,
Or steal.
That was never my intention.
I just want happiness in your lives.
I'll never be the robin.
Just the cards in the deck that aren't used.
-Mr.J (T.L.)
Jun 25, 2015
Jun 25, 2015 at 3:16 AM UTC
It's 4 a.m.
I can't sleep.
I can't think.
I just stare at this ceiling and think,
What if.
What if I did it.
What would be different?
Who would be happier?
Would she be happier?
Would they be happier?
Would I?
I don't know the answer.
I ponder.
I question.
For days and days I think.
But yet no clue of what would've happened.
So I guess we will never know.
I have a message to the parallel earth where it did happen.
Congratulations.
I hope I'm not missed.
Jun 19, 2015
Jun 19, 2015 at 7:03 AM UTC
Calm,
Collected,
Smiling,
This is what you see on the outside.
Safe,
Calm,
Happy...
But it's a mask,
A suit,
Body armor.
Cause on the inside,
Decay,
Death,
Depression.
Screaming so loud it would wake a def man.
Each day is pain.
I scream louder and louder yet i never make a sound.
All you hear is silence,
And all you see is a smile.
But on the inside,
Is darkness,
Torture,
Blackness...
Jun 17, 2015
Jun 17, 2015 at 9:59 PM UTC
It comes in a bottle.
All shapes, all sizes.
It comes in all flavors,
All colors.
It's made many different ways.
But no matter what.
It does the same thing.
It's poison.
It fogs the mind.
It's poison.
It's toxin.
It's ruined my life.
Time and time again.
And I though it would be over.
I thought I wouldn't have to deal with it.
But it still comes back.
Every time.
I thought I would be enough,
To make it stop.
To show you that the taste of poison isn't worth it.
Because all it brings,
Is pain,
Suffering,
Sadness,
And death.
So please.
All I ask.
Is put down that bottle.
I'm sorry I've caused you to put that poison to your lips.
I just wish I was the reason you wanted to never touch it again.
Jun 14, 2015
Jun 14, 2015 at 2:41 AM UTC
I'm sorry.
I wish I had done it
I wish I had said something.
But now it's too late.
I will always regret it.
But now it's too late.
I'm going to go mad.
Because now the distance between the doctor and I will be too great.
I'm sorry.
I can only hope for the future.
I'm sorry Harley.
I'll miss you.
Jun 7, 2015
Jun 7, 2015 at 11:51 PM UTC
Everybody I love is dying.
The people closest to me are dying.
And it's my fault.
I've caused the depression.
I've caused the accidents.
I've caused the cancer.
It's all my fault.
I'm poison.
I'm toxic waste.
If I go.
Everything will get better.
For everyone.
No more depression.
No more accidents.
No more cancer.
No more sadness.
I'm sorry I've caused all this death.
I'm sorry.
Jun 2, 2015
Jun 2, 2015 at 1:16 AM UTC