everything
everything is ordinary
the way the sun shines like it does every morning
the way the curtain folds like every night
the was 8 lie in my bed and the way i get up
nothing is out of the ordinary
the way my cupboard squeaks and the way my door rattles
nothing has changed
and i doubt it ever will change
everything has become once again so ordinary
i wish for something different
but it wont happen
it cant happen
and i wish it could
4h ago
Jun 3, 2026 at 4:18 PM UTC
the room we met
the office we studied in
the hall you asked me out
outside our first kiss
the room you held me close when i broke down
the room we danced in
the room we shared secrets
the trees we climbed
the roof we scaled
the mall you pulled me closer
the resturant you made me laugh
the rain we danced in
the room we cuddled
the sky we watched
the blanket we fell asleep on on the grass
the times we cried laughed spoke all night didnt speak at all just sat in each others presence
just enough
always enough
but that room no longer exists
only in my memories
my dreams
and now...
all nightmares
1d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 9:58 AM UTC
there is nothing
anger?
hurt?
sadness?
the bitter taste of bile from the sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach?
sarcasm?
fear?
anxiety?
frustration?
pity?
happiness?
joy?
gladness?
nothing...
the hollow sound if my heating heart
the whispers of my grasping for air
the wonder
the bewilderment
the pain
nothing
empty
hollow
numb
again
im here again
Heath i hoped id never get here again
the blankness
the black hollow stare
the tunnel is too long
maybe its not a tunnel at all
maybe its home
its cold
its dark
its ok
or maybe not
we will never know
2d ago
Jun 1, 2026 at 4:34 PM UTC
Did you mean anything about what you said
anything at all
were the last few months just a joke
ig I'll never know
you say trust is 2 ways but you never give me a choice
you throw in my face everything ive done wrong
like a checklist of how i hurt you
and what you still. need to do to get back
i wish you could realise that i am still here
i wish you could understand why
i wish you could give me time
i wish you didnt walk away
i hate that i pushed you away
i hate that this is my fault
i hate that i hurt you
i hate that i tore you apart
im mad im not angry
you deserve better than me anyways
if she makes you happy im glad.
if she treats you right im glad
yea im sad
its all real now
but im glad you can find peace and im glad you can find hope
ill never stop loving you. i promised you that on day one
whether you believe me or not that up to you
but now i will love you differently
i hope i dont lose you
i already lost my partner... dont let me lose a friend...
i love you
and maybe you shouldnt have read this
2d ago
Jun 1, 2026 at 4:12 PM UTC
the morning after you take your life your mom will yell for you to get up, your dad will rush past and shout a goodbye not knowing you never heard his words, not knowing you will never hear his words again, and your sister will barge through your door and scream something about steeling her clothes, and she will get frustrated because you are ignoring her again, she will play with your lights trying to get you to budge but you never move. she turns you over and screams her lungs out, your mom comes running in, and finally the world begins to shatter. your dad leaves work in a rush getting a call from the hospital, they tried and tried and tried to revive you but you were too long gone, and your sister is silent now, she has n o words, the family start to filter through in and out, your room is left as always, it will stay like that for years, your phone sits on the counter, 700 whatsapps and 50 odd calls, but finally someone reaches out, tells your friends what has happened, slowly but surely the world your world hears the news, everyone takes a hit but no one says a word, those closest to you wonder what they missed, wonder what they did wrong, wonder how they could have changed it.
your note, it sits there unread, fear of answers clouds those around you's minds, but eventually its openned, eventually its read, and more tears start to flow, and even though you dont blame them they blame themselves they always will, your pros and cons list sits at the back but no one understands, no one ever will
th morning after you take your life nothing will change and everything will change but no one will be the same
2d ago
Jun 1, 2026 at 3:57 AM UTC
the memories
you
pushing through
asking permission
i never fold
you force through
the nightmare unfolds
my heart rate spikes
my vision blurs
my head pounds
my hands are shaking
and i fight
i fight to get yu out
i fight to forget
but its so hard
its so hard
and i cant give in
i cant let you in
i cant let you win again and again and again
i cant do this
your memories arent memories
its terrors
i wanna scream
scream till my lungs burn
because you break me
again and again and again and again...
2d ago
Jun 1, 2026 at 3:44 AM UTC
I wish you held on longer
i wish you didnt take the easy route out
i wish you could have seen that there really is light at the end of the tunnel
i hated you every single day
i hated what you did to me
you didnt just leave
the trauma i still live with today
the blood, the smell, the heat fading away from your body
why
you didnt have to go
you could have chosen another way
but its too late for what ifs
im just angry
because you didnt have to take me with you... and still leave me breathing...
5d ago
May 29, 2026 at 4:03 AM UTC
i hate this
the slow eching at my heart
the drop of the pin so slowly
its never reaching the ground
the aching wait
for the almost silent sound
that makes me realise im still alive
i hate this
the whisper
of the voices
the screams
of the voices
the laughter
of those same voices
taumenting me...
pounding into my skull
the pain is more than i can bare
my ears are ringing
my vision is blurring
my heart is racing
im shaking so violently i hurt
and your whisper
breaks through the chaos
and i spiral completely
all control
all i held on to
is now gone
i float
i drift
in and out
in and out
idk where i am
its cold
its quiet
im numb
im empty
its deadly
no one sees this
no one needs to see this
im losing my mind
im losing my mind
im losing my mind
do you even understand
DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND
****
i hate i hate i hate
im done
i am so full of rage
i cant control
i want to cut
i want to punch
i want to scream
i want to bleed
i want to feel pain
i dont want to be like this anymore
i hate you
its jot your fault.
it never was
it never will be
i dont even know why i hate you
im so ******* insane
i dont know
i dont know
i dont know
i hate me
i hate that i walked away
i hate that you see me like this
i hate that you see me the way i see mys lf
i hate that you hate me
i hate that i couldn't be better
couldnt do better
i hate that its my fault
i hate that i can blame you
i hate that i never do
i am so tired
i am so tired
i want to sleep
go away
my head is to chaotic
i see you
over
and
over
and
over
and
over
again
nothing else
your voice
replays my worst fears
and im scared
you dont eat
you dont sleep
are you going to live tomorrow
are you?
i feel like a failure
maybe i am
its true
im not enough
never have been
probably never will be
oo well
and it laughs at me
in my face
i wish i could strangle it
maybe i just embrace it
vision going
episodes returning
full blast
no change
a little laugh
evil grin
falling
falling
falling
falling
its time
maybe to go
i never want to reutn
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
i cant breathe
its cold...
there is nothing left
just a shell
and tonight i bleed
6d ago
May 28, 2026 at 4:32 PM UTC
you never grew up
you never had your matric
never had your dance
never got your jacket
never went to study
never broke the rules
never laighed again
you will never see my smile
you will never see me grow
you will never find your place in this world
you left before it was ready to let you go
you never have ti walk these roads again
you never have to be scared
you never have to fake a smile
you never have ti be good and not not ok
you never have to pretend
maybe what you have its better...
6d ago
May 28, 2026 at 4:11 PM UTC
i cant hear you
i cant hear the gentle crisp of the whisper in my ear
i cant hear the laughter that echos from your mouth
i cant hear the joy or the sadness
the lump in your throat
i hate that i cant hear
i wish i could have remembered it for years
i wish it never went away
slowly fading from my mind like the slow drip of a closed tap
i cant hear you anymore
and it breaks my heart
i cant hear you anymore
although i wish for one more word
one more whisper
one more laugh
maybe its fine
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 8:19 AM UTC