tamurray
Though I haven't yet reached adulthood, I was given juuust enough luck to already fulfill most of my dreams. Being a published author, journalist, model, and founder of Operation Spread the Love(an organization that raises awareness for eating disorders) has taught me that you can NEVER stop dreaming. Minds always wondering as we are wandering :)
Bones crack, bruises appear
None of that matters to the voices you hear
Hair thins, muscles ache
But how many more bad days is it going to take?
Like running to the finish line and tripping on your lace
You won't be first now, but you still need to place
It isn't like you're good enough
It isn't like you're thin
But you try to toughen up
And hush the words within
Come now darling, let your flaws down
Let them flow to your shoulders and cover up your frown
So they aren't exactly pretty, they aren't quite right
But in all fairness lovely, they are why you fight
You don't punch perfection in the face and laugh
You punch your imperfections, kick them off the path
It won't work, it's an illusion can you truly not see?
Those little quirks, they come back because they're who you're meant to be
Jan 18, 2015
Jan 18, 2015 at 7:16 PM UTC
Three water bottles labeled
Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner
Drinking all those up are certain to make you thinner
You will not go above 500 calories
Because bones
bones
bones
Is all you want to see
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 11:24 PM UTC
To the girls who are secretly so broken
You WILL be alright
I know you have scars on your soul
Maybe your heart
Possibly your wrists
None of this is your fault
And even if you think it is
Let it go
Not that you can, that easily
But try
I know you are broken
I know you're not okay
Especially when people ask how you are and you answer "I'm fine"
When what you really mean is "I'm alive"
But what do you really care about your own survival anymore
Well I just want you to know
There is beauty in broken glass
And to me
There is immeasurable beauty
In broken girls
So don't you ever forget
You cannot be defined by pain
You're too beautiful for that
Stay strong, broken girl
Nothing is ever really broken
Jan 4, 2015
Jan 4, 2015 at 7:07 PM UTC
Love is not an easy thing to understand. It is complex and intricate in detail, yet human kind falls into it faster than the calculated speed of light. Love is a feeling that is rooted somewhere deep inside the soul beginning as a small seed and blossoming into the most vibrant of colors that have not yet been invented. Oh, and how Love grows. It grows in lust. It grows in trust and in time blooms precious petals of truth and understanding, acceptance and reassurance, and the most beautiful flower of all creation. Love is a faint flicker that shines in even the darkest of days. The flame only glows brighter the longer it stays lit by the compassion contained within the heart behind the ribbed cage of the chest. If this vital ***** were not locked up, such burning fire would prove too detrimental for human hands to handle. When one holds the key to another's heart, they are faced with a difficult decision. Do they keep the power locked away and continue to fall in Love? Or do they unlock the cage, release the power, and rise in it?
Jan 4, 2015
Jan 4, 2015 at 1:23 AM UTC
This is much worse than the Zombie Apocalypse
Girls giving duck faces with neon puckered lips
And flowing bronze locks and waves go on for days
I must have missed going through the pretty hair phase
Static Elecrta and Einstein combined could not compare
To the fuzzy wuzzy mad mess frizzing up called my hair
They say that eyes of course are windows to the soul
Yet they fail to mention the inner beauty of a mole
It has feelings too you know it can hear what you're saying
It doesn't want your blemish cream it's happy so it's staying
Acne nowadays with cover up is a thing of the past
But I'm cherishing my teenage years why not make them last
Appearance isn't everything there's more to life than that
Like when I am in gym class playing baseball up to bat
I close my eyes swinging just as hard as I can
I missed the **** thing and didn't know but still ran
First and second then third base finally gone
By then the teacher yells because I'm doing it wrong
Well I don't like these rules I refuse to conform
Sports aren't in my nature it's the way I was born
Now give me a notepad and a pencil I am set
Or a list of names to alphabetize and my goal will be met
Calculators have nothing in contrast to my brain
But put stairs in my path and I may go insane
Tripping over myself is what I do best such a mess
Sure I'm different, make mistakes, but that's why I'm flawless
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 12:57 AM UTC
Four small words
Can go a long distance
One small world
Can be a large witness
To let go
Is not an option
Just keep hold
And take precaution
Too much this
And not enough that
The controlling abyss
You're held captive at
Cannot contain
The power within
Your mind remains
And it can win
Do not wait
Your thoughts exchange
It's never too late
Your life can change
Those four words
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
Take flight with birds
Like weightless fate
Oct 28, 2014
Oct 28, 2014 at 10:01 PM UTC
You know of it's existence
That little twinge of doubt
You've witnessed it's persistence
And what it's all about
It starts as a flicker
That soon bursts into flames
To make it expand quicker
Us humans add self shame
As it burns we absent mindedly
Ponder on our fate
We choose to act so we won't see
What happens if we wait
To out run something so dark yet bright
Is not an easy thing to do
But along with doubt like day and night
Hope does exist too
The water threatens heated waves
Of lava orange and ashen
But nothing conquers hope itself save
Confidence and passion
Love yourself and others too
So that those flames burn out
And believe that hope will rescue you
From any shadow of doubt
Oct 15, 2014
Oct 15, 2014 at 11:20 PM UTC
There comes a time that you hit rock bottom
You don't have all the worries but it feels like you got em
You cry and you claw and you climb and you shout
But you know without question there's no way out
It's so dark you wave your hand in front of your face
Still all you see is a black empty space
And the marks on your features like wrinkles in the past
Hold tight to the pain that you thought wouldn't last
But here you are today in the darkness
Alone
Wondering where you went wrong...why you're not skin and bone
Sep 19, 2014
Sep 19, 2014 at 9:07 AM UTC
They say when life hands you lemons
Make lemonade
But they don't say what happens
While it's being made
You can't find the sweetener
And the faucet broke again
No ice in the freezer
Unplugged the fridge has been
How did this all occur
Things just got three times worse
Tumbling down in such a blur
Is this a blessing or a curse
The patience you do lack
But there will come a day
When you throw the lemon back
You never asked for it anyway
May 8, 2014
May 8, 2014 at 10:42 PM UTC
I feel alone.
I feel tired.
I feel ill and pained.
I feel as if there is nothing to look forward to in my life.
I feel like maybe dying at the age 20 isn't so bad after all.
I feel sick from the way that I've been allowing myself to consume food the past few days which is making me feel like a failure and since I feel alone there is not one soul that is here to assist me through my low times.
I feel like I can't talk to my family about going to see someone about my physical and mental health alike because I've tried and they seem to think I'm fine and I feel that the only way to fix it is to LOOK physically sick enough for them which has me feeling like an even BIGGER failure because I just ate a crap ton of food and there is no way to take it back.
I feel that my friends don't get that they are lucky to get even a single word out of me most days because every day is literally a giant struggle between my mind and my heart and my body and to even function like a semi normal human being takes more strength than I have nowadays.
I feel like everything is just crumbling to bits around me and the people meant to be here through the worst times are the ones setting fire to the pieces of my life as they plummet to the earth.
I feel like no jar of hearts or inspirational book or memoir or documentary or extensive research can bandage the wound that has been infecting me for over half of my life.
I feel as though crumbling to pieces myself and being set on fire thus wasting away to nothing before I even have the chance to hit earth like my life around me may just be the answer to my problems.
I feel stuck in a life that isn't mine and knowing that I deserve more but cannot get there because I'm not "enough". Not smart enough, not thin enough, not talented or skilled enough in any way to climb over the debris that continues to tumble and pile up tremendously high around me.
I feel cracked.
I feel broken.
May 4, 2014
May 4, 2014 at 10:42 PM UTC