stiniebeanie - Hello Poetry

I sit with my head in my palm, Tears dripping leaving eyes feeling like sand. I shouldn't care so much I should be so immune But it cuts the scar and always creates A brand new wound within its place. I fake a smile, and pop a pill To take away the anxiety and fake thrill Of being rejected again It hurts so bad Like I want it to happen But I stare at you Wondering why I'll never be good enough in your eyes. Then I'll fall in love With someone new But it wont matter Because I'm ******* stuck with you And I know you still resent me And I know you look right through The very pieces I so desperately Want to share with you I wish Goodbye was easy, But it never is, Especially when it involves Lots of dogs and kids How do you say goodbye To a life so comfortable and seemingly nice To plunge in a world unknown Never to pretend that my heart is full of lies. I hate the way I love you I love the way I hate you It's like a painful game And the loser is the only winner In this ****** up game. I want to say goodbye I want to say hello To the person in this world Who wants to cherish my soul.

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Jul 5, 2021

Jul 5, 2021 at 6:33 PM UTC

How Do You Say Goodbye?

I sit with my head in my palm, Tears dripping leaving eyes feeling like sand. I shouldn't care so much I should be so immune But it cuts the scar and always creates A brand new wound within its place. I fake a smile, and pop a pill To take away the anxiety and fake thrill Of being rejected again It hurts so bad Like I want it to happen But I stare at you Wondering why I'll never be good enough in your eyes. Then I'll fall in love With someone new But it wont matter Because I'm ******* stuck with you And I know you still resent me And I know you look right through The very pieces I so desperately Want to share with you I wish Goodbye was easy, But it never is, Especially when it involves Lots of dogs and kids How do you say goodbye To a life so comfortable and seemingly nice To plunge in a world unknown Never to pretend that my heart is full of lies. I hate the way I love you I love the way I hate you It's like a painful game And the loser is the only winner In this ****** up game. I want to say goodbye I want to say hello To the person in this world Who wants to cherish my soul.

39

Let me introduce myself while we're here, Names aren't important, I'd rather make the message clear. I'm the one who comes out of the dark, To make things bright. Euphoria overcomes me, I'm invincible, ain't that right? Just kidding, Let's be fair. Real life can't exist, When I'm feeling like this, I'll still be there to play, Once I get out of this place. In my head something isn't quite right, Everyone wants to pity me, And I guess that's just fine. I exist in my mind, Sorry darling, Can't be fixed, I'm the broken toy nobody wants to play with. So feel sorry for me, While I swing around free, Not a care in the world, At least for the time being. Maybe this time I'll be fine, Or I'll simply ruin my life. I'm not sick, I'm not crazy, I'm all alone, Isn't that amazing? Standing here in front of you, That don't make no sense, I don't care if my grammar is atrocious, Judge me if you dare. So keep on staring with tears in your eyes, It's funny how you only care when I'm falling apart inside. You don't get my disorder, You can't understand how I tick, Is it funny how I'm dying inside, I'll laugh just because this all seems so **** insane. I already told you, I can't be saved. Haven't you heard? I can't ******* be saved!

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Mar 12, 2021

Mar 12, 2021 at 12:17 PM UTC

My Disorder

Let me introduce myself while we're here, Names aren't important, I'd rather make the message clear. I'm the one who comes out of the dark, To make things bright. Euphoria overcomes me, I'm invincible, ain't that right? Just kidding, Let's be fair. Real life can't exist, When I'm feeling like this, I'll still be there to play, Once I get out of this place. In my head something isn't quite right, Everyone wants to pity me, And I guess that's just fine. I exist in my mind, Sorry darling, Can't be fixed, I'm the broken toy nobody wants to play with. So feel sorry for me, While I swing around free, Not a care in the world, At least for the time being. Maybe this time I'll be fine, Or I'll simply ruin my life. I'm not sick, I'm not crazy, I'm all alone, Isn't that amazing? Standing here in front of you, That don't make no sense, I don't care if my grammar is atrocious, Judge me if you dare. So keep on staring with tears in your eyes, It's funny how you only care when I'm falling apart inside. You don't get my disorder, You can't understand how I tick, Is it funny how I'm dying inside, I'll laugh just because this all seems so **** insane. I already told you, I can't be saved. Haven't you heard? I can't ******* be saved!

44

I don't know why I think about, The dirtiest word I know, My eyes start to swell up, It starts to eat at my soul. Why does it come across me Why do I feel this way Why was I born different Why couldn't I just be the same The dirtiest word I know Is one that was almost met With a bottle of pills That I cant say I regret A little girl back then Not nearly the same Wasn't able to admit This would be a lifelong fear Or a threat- I guess that's right It taunts and haunts Sometimes wont leave me alone This ***** ***** word Is really starting to take hold It happens when I'm happy It happens when I'm sad I guess the words are manic, anxious and depressed It sounds much better simply said Then the real words they represent I skipped my medication I skipped my only step I could blame it on some other thing But I'm the one at fault I lose control of everything Of the world that I try to control Will there ever be a cure for the way that I feel Or will suicide finally take hold It gets worse the older I get I fear it will only grow I hate how this feels I hate who this makes me I just want to feel normal again

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Aug 17, 2018

Aug 17, 2018 at 10:06 PM UTC

***** Word

I don't know why I think about, The dirtiest word I know, My eyes start to swell up, It starts to eat at my soul. Why does it come across me Why do I feel this way Why was I born different Why couldn't I just be the same The dirtiest word I know Is one that was almost met With a bottle of pills That I cant say I regret A little girl back then Not nearly the same Wasn't able to admit This would be a lifelong fear Or a threat- I guess that's right It taunts and haunts Sometimes wont leave me alone This ***** ***** word Is really starting to take hold It happens when I'm happy It happens when I'm sad I guess the words are manic, anxious and depressed It sounds much better simply said Then the real words they represent I skipped my medication I skipped my only step I could blame it on some other thing But I'm the one at fault I lose control of everything Of the world that I try to control Will there ever be a cure for the way that I feel Or will suicide finally take hold It gets worse the older I get I fear it will only grow I hate how this feels I hate who this makes me I just want to feel normal again

41

**** it hurts. Falling out of love. You wouldn't think it would. My everything. My heart. My future. So I thought. So they say, It's okay. Still falling out of love, it stings and burns. My stomach is a pit of snakes, Tied in impossible knots, The guilt that's filled inside of me, Is enough to eat me raw. Falling in love is easy, It's lovely, wouldn't you say? It's not wondering what went wrong, Or how we became some tragedy, We were the one's that were going to make it, We thought we knew everything. **** it still hurts Someday I'll be happy, A piece of who I used to be, But a broken heart needs time to heal Time to be okay.

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Aug 17, 2018

Aug 17, 2018 at 9:19 PM UTC

Falling Out of Love

**** it hurts. Falling out of love. You wouldn't think it would. My everything. My heart. My future. So I thought. So they say, It's okay. Still falling out of love, it stings and burns. My stomach is a pit of snakes, Tied in impossible knots, The guilt that's filled inside of me, Is enough to eat me raw. Falling in love is easy, It's lovely, wouldn't you say? It's not wondering what went wrong, Or how we became some tragedy, We were the one's that were going to make it, We thought we knew everything. **** it still hurts Someday I'll be happy, A piece of who I used to be, But a broken heart needs time to heal Time to be okay.

26

I've fallen. I've fallen for someone I'll never meet. Someone I'll never know. He exists as a fantasy. Possessing the most imaginative depths of my mind As Sylvia said, I've likely made you up as a figment in my head. I'll never know his smell Or taste His voice, whispers brushing against my ear The shivers are the only part that is real. The lust I have could grow to love If I ever had the chance If we ever had a chance It likely wouldn't last That is if he were here As if he existed at all Lonely, Lost souls found themselves connect Like long lost friends that couldn't resist Who ever thought it would turn out like this Friends who care turned to friends who ignore Friends who never were friends Just passing by to pass the time Maybe we would have been lovers Irresistible to each others touch I guess I scared him to much That is if he even existed at all I miss him though Ignored and all Timing was wrong Life paths couldn't cross Forbidden but stalled I wish I would have never responded at all.

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Aug 14, 2018

Aug 14, 2018 at 9:07 PM UTC

Fallen

I've fallen. I've fallen for someone I'll never meet. Someone I'll never know. He exists as a fantasy. Possessing the most imaginative depths of my mind As Sylvia said, I've likely made you up as a figment in my head. I'll never know his smell Or taste His voice, whispers brushing against my ear The shivers are the only part that is real. The lust I have could grow to love If I ever had the chance If we ever had a chance It likely wouldn't last That is if he were here As if he existed at all Lonely, Lost souls found themselves connect Like long lost friends that couldn't resist Who ever thought it would turn out like this Friends who care turned to friends who ignore Friends who never were friends Just passing by to pass the time Maybe we would have been lovers Irresistible to each others touch I guess I scared him to much That is if he even existed at all I miss him though Ignored and all Timing was wrong Life paths couldn't cross Forbidden but stalled I wish I would have never responded at all.

33

Occupy my head, Is what my heart has said, And as we all know, So the story goes, My heart- it tends to win. Reason says I'm stupid, A gambling fool, I used to be the one to play by society's rules. Now I'm nothing more than a hypocrite, Dont believe me? It's the truth. I dont know why I'm chasing, When I should run fast and far away, But the silence aches for something I could only dream that I have had. Yet I carry on, settling for nothing but a sign, Hoping at the very least I get a real goodbye. I feel so ******* desperate. Attachment isn't really my thing, Except the connection is strong, Even though it's so wrong, Why did you go without a single word? I suppose you're my shortest breath of inspiration, The ghosted object of my affection. The joke came true, I guess we both knew, You'd eventually become my muse. Gone before you came, Your infatuation must have finally faded. No matter then. I guess we weren't friends. So please! I beg... Stop occupying my head.

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Aug 14, 2018

Aug 14, 2018 at 6:22 PM UTC

Stop Occuyping My Head

Occupy my head, Is what my heart has said, And as we all know, So the story goes, My heart- it tends to win. Reason says I'm stupid, A gambling fool, I used to be the one to play by society's rules. Now I'm nothing more than a hypocrite, Dont believe me? It's the truth. I dont know why I'm chasing, When I should run fast and far away, But the silence aches for something I could only dream that I have had. Yet I carry on, settling for nothing but a sign, Hoping at the very least I get a real goodbye. I feel so ******* desperate. Attachment isn't really my thing, Except the connection is strong, Even though it's so wrong, Why did you go without a single word? I suppose you're my shortest breath of inspiration, The ghosted object of my affection. The joke came true, I guess we both knew, You'd eventually become my muse. Gone before you came, Your infatuation must have finally faded. No matter then. I guess we weren't friends. So please! I beg... Stop occupying my head.

31

If love decided to be perfect, Humanity may become humane. Brokenness could deteriorate, Jealousy a forgotten game. If love decided to be perfect, Peace may have a chance. Honesty would blossom in acceptance, We could achieve our unfathomable dreams. If love decided to be perfect, A wholeness within could be filled. The negativity that tomorrow always finds, could finally close its eyes and die. Alas, love shall never be perfect, Hate- its true desire. Good fortune always shines above waiting, To turn into a most painful destruction.

0

Jul 28, 2015

Jul 28, 2015 at 11:27 PM UTC

If Love Decided To Be Perfect

If love decided to be perfect, Humanity may become humane. Brokenness could deteriorate, Jealousy a forgotten game. If love decided to be perfect, Peace may have a chance. Honesty would blossom in acceptance, We could achieve our unfathomable dreams. If love decided to be perfect, A wholeness within could be filled. The negativity that tomorrow always finds, could finally close its eyes and die. Alas, love shall never be perfect, Hate- its true desire. Good fortune always shines above waiting, To turn into a most painful destruction.

16

If I could light the sky In the darkest hours only To make you smile I'd pluck a match and throw it high Black consumed by orange for the world to see No one else can divert my affection I only see the flames dance across your deep ocean eyes Love is too weak of a word to describe The beauty of it all Releases the ache in your soul Equilibrium has been accomplished within the cleanse of our burnt existence

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May 28, 2015

May 28, 2015 at 3:25 PM UTC

Fire

If I could light the sky In the darkest hours only To make you smile I'd pluck a match and throw it high Black consumed by orange for the world to see No one else can divert my affection I only see the flames dance across your deep ocean eyes Love is too weak of a word to describe The beauty of it all Releases the ache in your soul Equilibrium has been accomplished within the cleanse of our burnt existence

12

Spectacular is the image of self defeat When everything around me shines so brightly The only thing I can see is darkness seeping out of every beam I want to scream at the top of my lungs But how can I make a sound when I can't even breathe? There's no conclusion to the bottomless pit of this scene The only thing I can see is my vulnerability being used against me When everything around me has been built upon lies and secrecy Spectacular is the image of self defeat.

0

May 8, 2015

May 8, 2015 at 12:54 PM UTC

Self Defeat

Spectacular is the image of self defeat When everything around me shines so brightly The only thing I can see is darkness seeping out of every beam I want to scream at the top of my lungs But how can I make a sound when I can't even breathe? There's no conclusion to the bottomless pit of this scene The only thing I can see is my vulnerability being used against me When everything around me has been built upon lies and secrecy Spectacular is the image of self defeat.

9

It eats me alive Ripping through like a twister Unpredictable I never know when it will hit and when it will die I think it's a lie I'd rather feel numb than pain The coward's honor may not be to desire Then again the grass is always greener The source seems unreachable The hypersensitivity gets so unbearable Breathing alone is a chore I am no longer human Then the sun comes back out Suddenly I can see It feels so great until I wonder How long do I get to be me?

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Apr 23, 2015

Apr 23, 2015 at 8:07 PM UTC

It Eats Me Alive

It eats me alive Ripping through like a twister Unpredictable I never know when it will hit and when it will die I think it's a lie I'd rather feel numb than pain The coward's honor may not be to desire Then again the grass is always greener The source seems unreachable The hypersensitivity gets so unbearable Breathing alone is a chore I am no longer human Then the sun comes back out Suddenly I can see It feels so great until I wonder How long do I get to be me?

16