I always thought an addiction had to be
something you could physically touch,
but here I am
chasing this feeling I can’t even put into words,
I broke my knuckle open trying to
choke up what was left in me,
I saw blood, I should’ve been scared,
I should’ve wished for help, I should’ve
wished for a do-over, swore to God
"if you grant me this one wish I swear
I’ll never **** up again”
but I just wished for more.
- S.G.
Feb 26, 2014
Feb 26, 2014 at 5:21 PM UTC
I can’t smell menthol cigarettes
or cheap beer without smelling you,
I can’t hear “you eighteen yet?”
without wanting to tear out my insides,
you ruined so many simple things and
you think you can just show up again,
acting like we’re friends
you did more than touch me
you tainted every moment of
intimacy I’ve had since,
you made me sick and broken
and clouded my judgement so
much that I didn’t know the danger
I was in until you were gone,
I felt sick in your presence,
sick hearing your name, I was
told it was butterflies, I was told
it was love,
now my friends tell me they were
scared for me,
I wish they would have kicked the
chair out from under me and the noose
you tied so tightly around my neck.
- S.G.
Dec 15, 2013
Dec 15, 2013 at 4:18 AM UTC
I can do whatever I want,
I can do whatever I please,
dress myself in dirt and lingerie,
wear my filth on my sleeve,
a ***** a ******
I've just got a fixation
for the darkness that
draws you in,
I hope my eyes are
empty, I hope my pulse
is weak, I get high off
my hearts palpitations,
I'm the yeast in your mouth,
the E. Coli in your bowels,
I'm the **** underneath your nails,
wipe the snot off my lips
and rub it in my cuts,
I'm a walking talking
bacterial infection,
a living breathing cesspool,
human garbage.
- S.G.
Dec 9, 2013
Dec 9, 2013 at 3:04 AM UTC
The first time I kissed a girl her tongue was coated in morphine and I’ve been chasing that high ever since. I tried to replace it by soaking my brain with prescriptions: codeine, dextromethorphan, etc.
A chemical storm raging in my brain; a storm that’s aftermath is present to this day. I still feel the bugs under my skin at night, sometimes the room spins and I remember the revelations I had.
the one most prominent being that this is Hell, that there is no place better or worse than earth, we are in an actual living Hell and that comforts me just as much as it kills me.
Dec 5, 2013
Dec 5, 2013 at 1:19 AM UTC
I can no longer tell the difference between kissing you and wrapping my lips around a bottle of whiskey,
is that your hands on my waist or are the warm sensations of alcohol caressing me again?
I get the spins, can’t think straight, my heart palpitating like I just did a line of blow off your fingertip,
I want you to take me in and sober me up
only to knock me off my feet again when our eyes meet,
I’m a sloppy drunk but I don’t care,
I’ll stumble my way home to you every night if you’ll let me.
- S.G.
Nov 28, 2013
Nov 28, 2013 at 3:37 AM UTC
I don’t know where to begin,
I cut holes in my skin again
I press down my fingers to break open
the scabs when I see you smile
so I don’t get ahead of myself in thinking
I could feel good someday too
there’s red stains on all my favourite clothes
my period thrills me to no end,
dear mother nature, I wish I could
bleed every day of the month,
I’m a good ****
I’m a tease,
I’m a corpse walking
I’m rotting flesh hanging off a meat hook,
and nothing turns me on more than these
fantasies of the barrel of a gun massaging
the back of my throat like **** in my mouth,
blood spray on the walls, dripping down my
neck and pooling on the floor like ***
I want to lay in the wet spot and let my
eyes roll back into my skull, face-fucked
one final time by a revolver
- S.G.
Nov 20, 2013
Nov 20, 2013 at 4:44 AM UTC
Walking down an alley with you
We talked about China’s one child law
and the flaws of procreation
I admitted I had intrusive thoughts
and nightmares about hurting children
and how it scares me
we both got quiet
I couldn’t breathe so we sat down,
I don’t know why I said that, I’m just
tired of living alone in my fear,
My hands used to create life
And beautiful things, now
they just shake and destroy
like they’re wired all wrong,
my brain misfires and
shatters everything I love,
I should be quarantined,
put away forever,
I should be dead.
- S.G.
Nov 13, 2013
Nov 13, 2013 at 6:05 PM UTC
Everything, every move I make is
part of a war between my body
and myself, a war against Time,
really I don’t know which side
I want to win
But it’s out of my hands now,
Or has it always been?
In therapy they tell you
that you’re always in control,
The voices only have the power
to suggest you take that blade
to your skin, or shove your
fingers down your throat,
But you, you’ve got the power to decide what your next move is,
I don’t believe that,
I don’t believe my body
is a kingdom under my rule
I believe that my body is
a vessel in which dark things
inhabit, control, destroy
my body is a
vacant motel that welcomes
strange men smelling of whiskey
to hole up in for the night and not
look at the wreckage they’ve left
behind in the morning,
because I’m not empty,
I’m just full of all the wrong things,
I’m just full of things that won’t stay
long enough to call me home.
- S.G.
Nov 1, 2013
Nov 1, 2013 at 5:17 AM UTC
Today I read an article proving not only that the story
of his resurrection was a lie, but that Jesus never lived.
He was not half-man half-god, he was less than that,
much less; a fabrication of Caesar’s imagination
created as a Matrix for the Roman Empire,
today I read an article that could’ve shattered me
if I still believed in anything at all.
- S.G.
Oct 23, 2013
Oct 23, 2013 at 3:34 AM UTC
there is no such thing as unconditional love, only Stockholm Syndrome.
Oct 23, 2013
Oct 23, 2013 at 3:20 AM UTC