I miss the cold laughs and the playful stares
The ease in knowing you were there
How did it become a sharp ache
Heavy enough to keep me awake
Most of the time I feel like I’m dreaming
Like you just tucked me in and told me to go to sleep
Because its late
And you were going to sleep too
I don’t see you in your room anymore
I don’t hear you in the kitchen
I pace around the corners of my mind
And sit by the one that protects me
The memories flood vivid
They’re loud
Waiting to be seen
Images visiting without an invitation
Kind ones leave me craving more
Longing for a miracle
Dark ones remind me of what it means
To feel helpless
Patiently waiting the day
Where I would have to do this without you
Your hand in mine
Was the greatest gift you left to me
Love disguised as security
An ending reassuring a beginning
I watched you take your last breath
And wiped the tears you had the strength to find
One last time
They told me that you loved me
Porcelain skin
Sunken cheeks
Your stained sweater
Slow breaths
Mirrored slow rises in your chest
I kissed your forehead and told you to go
I told you it was okay
Because you always did the same for me
My body vibrated with pure bliss
At the thought of you going somewhere
Where you would feel no pain
Where you could finally leave your body
And look down at it in awe
For all that you went through
Leaving behind that every passing second
Was more painful than the last
I could not wait for you to be free
So you could kiss the stars on your way
Until a heavy silence filled the room
And I knew I would never feel the same
I don’t know how I let you go
How I felt the first person I shared love with
Become completely still
A broken and bruised body
Now an extension of the silence
Frozen beside my pleading attempts
For you to come back after hearing my cries
I was sure for a moment
That this was not what it seemed
I knew you could not leave if you heard
That I was desperately searching for your life
You could not leave if you knew
What my mind body and soul felt
The pain that shocked then swallowed me
I could not control it
It painted my reality with merciless dread
It cut through anything that made sense
And stayed with me for hours
I can’t fully revisit this moment today
Because it’s now a part of myself
One that I do not want to call mine
I would do anything to give it back
To say I was only playing pretend
So you could look at me
And play pretend too
By acting as if you weren't amused by me
Just to make me laugh and say "this girl"
But instead you couldn’t come back
So I had to let you go
And trust that your love would always soften
The unfamiliar heaviness and nostalgia
That come along with missing you
To the brightest light in my life
Mommy,
My heart lost its shape
When yours lost its beat
May 10, 2020
May 10, 2020 at 5:44 PM UTC
The way the music made her head sway-
effortless beauty
Each melody met her movements,
magnetically greeting each other,
as if this time and place,
this way and reason,
had been looking for her, her whole life.
The walls moved farther away from her,
everyone in the room stealing glimpses for themselves.
An aura protected by the frequencies of love,
her hands followed the curves of her own body.
Hands that gently tugged on her hair to connect with the intensity,
forbidden sensuality of the eyes, mind, and body.
Beware of the girl who creates a story out of a moment,
she holds the power to turn raindrops to hurricanes,
and a kiss to a lifetime.
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 11:17 AM UTC
We used to measure the strings of hope that bounded our hearts together
Side by side among one another
The open roads more promising than the edges we would paint over
Time was forgiving, slow like honey
Whirlwinds of smoke devoured by the wind
Fire escapes to rest our bodies on
My head protected by your hand, melting into your lap
Exploring through a blinded trance
Dancing past drops of condensation trickling from cooling units
Emergency exits blinked loud with way and reason
Each warning sign ignored with sweet temptation
Aug 1, 2019
Aug 1, 2019 at 11:40 AM UTC
The many things that keep me grounded have no way or reason,
one, two, three seconds focus directs the lens elsewhere
It's like a bigger picture keeps trying to show itself,
except I won't let it
Wishing my mind would promise me a way to compromise with my soul,
and my body to follow
I skipped a page to get here,
I wonder if i'll go back
Although it seems all this extra wonder-
it's what got me here
Distraction could be the token to curiosity
and curiosity the vessel to imagination
Maybe the bigger picture lies within the world created,
the one that will surely vow
to listen to fleeting thoughts
all the while promising
to keep you here distracted
Jul 22, 2019
Jul 22, 2019 at 2:10 PM UTC
Staring at the water
watching the ripple of waves
moonlight to protect me
I realize I was looking all this time
for someone to notice
what I only needed to notice
in myself
May 18, 2019
May 18, 2019 at 10:56 AM UTC
Dandelions made of snow
blown to form sand castles made of memories,
One push to knock down a kingdom of emotions.
Inhaling the aroma of cinnamon,
exhaling cascades of sweetness.
Beyond my dreams and past my collections,
do not measure the time
the space or the distance
between here and there.
I made a deal with a cardinal,
for the power to fly and sing melodies for company.
Upside down- it's different now,
the clouds guide me,
it is what it seems.
Forget me, I'm free
May 17, 2019
May 17, 2019 at 10:33 AM UTC
Intrinsically introverted,
inherently coping with the pressure to understand- distraught or in
thought?
Multiple factors racing
call them thoughts,
become one, but which one?
One will grow symphonies to hurry sunshine under moonlight,
the other grow vivid distortions of a reality visible only to dreams
Buy low, sell high
observe potential and sign off on its rights
Sound choices bounded by the stigma placed on creativity,
choose the other- create the destructive blossoming of blue flowers
deviant and bold
Fallacies are the true illusions,
keep on with the mind you feed
May 13, 2019
May 13, 2019 at 7:02 PM UTC
Where does the creativity go?
When you've learned to protect it,
learned to shelter it from the demons
that spilled ink onto your pages.
Pages splattered with tears that folded pages,
Glued so tightly with promises
to never let them in again.
The seal is becoming weak,
Tugging at the pages kissing each others backs
Words that were bolded now struggling to find a way to breathe.
Look back at the edges, bend over to listen
Define the taste of the invitation sent by your creativity
You left your creations here,
Follow it within and find it knocking at your chest
Your mind
Your heart body soul- awakening connections
Your creations, they're yours
Water the thorns and the roses too
Watch them mingle
Lead the next trip, the seal is broken
New pages are ready,
guided by your print.
May 4, 2019
May 4, 2019 at 12:43 PM UTC
What if it’s the sounds
of your fingers meeting the keys
that intensifies your pulse
while you are vulnerably typing
that are familiar to the smell
that are familiar to the sound
of pancakes sizzling in the morning
A collection of moments
that define a space in time
your time
to illustrate home
your home
where your mess is allowed
feelings loud and able
Shades of coffee vary
though steam will always softly linger
to remind you here is safe
because here is an extension
of the world
the one inside you
Jan 5, 2019
Jan 5, 2019 at 10:42 PM UTC
Her freedom had been taken from her
All her life,
her freedom had been taken from her
The stillness of the forest
The steady run of the stream
The aroma of the red flower-
Remarkable because they are free.
Sensations that cannot be replicated,
they have become their own peace
A forest does not stir
As a stream does not slow
As a red flower does not hide-
for any distraction
Remarkable because they are free.
Should memories continue to brush
past her like wind striking through a
hurricane,
she won't chase them any longer
Freedom rests its energy beside courage,
she finds courage within.
Jan 4, 2019
Jan 4, 2019 at 11:45 PM UTC