Floating threw the universe now
painfully passing threw the destruction of the world
the only thing i'm tied to now is him
Aug 13, 2020
Aug 13, 2020 at 7:18 PM UTC
Some say I'm not the same
maybe I have changed
I used to be able to tell
used to be able to know
what's wrong with me...?
Is it my face? Or my hair,
maybe my eyes do not glow
it's cause my frown doesn't show
I'm not good at my grades
but I am at the stage
I know how to act every day
I may not be beautiful
i may not be smart,
but I love them
I love you
why isn't that enough?
You say it's on me
if I explode
from the lies that I've said
to spare my sickness from your head,
and it is said it's my fault
if I end up dead
what is wrong with me!?
why do I think these thoughts
what is wrong with me?
why am I so distraught
i know I'm not special
i know I'm not alone
then why do I feel so cold?
It's on me,
they don't understand
it's my fault,
that they want me to frown
it's my fault,
less guilt on their crowns
that they want me to be happy
when they are happy
to lighten
to be ok
why are they
so two faced
But still.. it's not all of them
they are loving
they are kind
they could understand,
but I only wish
that they could see
that the pain that's in me
isn't for them
to feel
And i get it all
i've understood it all
overthought it all
every moment
every motion
all the pain
that I cannot share
there is to much I know
for me to show
You may think not
you'll pass this without a care
but just so you know
I will keep on smiling
i'll keep hiding
till you are merry
and if not
I still don't know
What's wrong with me...
Aug 6, 2019
Aug 6, 2019 at 6:40 PM UTC
Close your eyes,
pretend to fly
But, somehow, your not
pretending anymore
once the darkness glazed over,
it becomes real,
you swim in the
clouds and glowing yellow sky
the cool, cold, but warm air
fills and surrounds your soul
replacing the emptiness,
inside
And now you realize,
this is reality
this is your dream
your capable of smashing all
things your expected to be,
because this is your fairy tale dream
The beautiful sky
that your free to fly,
fades,
now it's water,
you float upon it's calm surface
just above the darkness that
intends to swallow you
but it doesn't.
it's so calm the water reflects
the stars above, my friends,
this is the calm before every storm,
the quiet voice before the trailed, de-railed, echo
and despite the seas promise not to pull you into darkness, it does,
This is my home, the sea keeps me captive in it's darkness, my only light is my night sky
but this, is even worse
the monsters that lurk here
mock me, for being here and not even in reach of my light, my illuminant, Night Sky
I'm trapped here, but this is a dream isn't it? Yes... No
but I'm not really here, so yes, I've been told I go around as a hypocrite, by people whom I try to help, people who figure out why I'm so good with other people's seas of darkness and lurking, mocking, monsters, is because I hide my own. I dream my own.
This is no cry for help,
I'm not some ticking time bomb
ready to start the next world war,
no.. I do what others cant,
what psychologists and beruocrats cant stand to hear,
Is I put others dark ocean of emotion, before my own
I'm capable of understanding
and standing under others judgemental tries, because I'm more, your more, then reality
If you truly are more
then this world full
of people who believe
that others pain
is some sort of joke,
You know,
You already have an
Understanding
of the full picture
you have a understanding
that not only do I bottle my
pain so I am capable
of mending others happy endings
But because I can't open up
because it's to much
and I'd rather it inside me then others
Because I love so many others
I can't,
and this may seem like some rant,
Some poorly organized throw up
of emotion on a digital page
but this is my ocean
this is my sea
this is my illuminant sea life
reminding me how I can't have
Real stars
So I become others
Fairy Tale Fixture
Jul 17, 2019
Jul 17, 2019 at 8:26 PM UTC
Consume me within you
As I walk through the dark
Through the gate of another world
Consume me within you
Wrap me in your pain
And consume me within your rage
You are my companion
And my worst fear
You whisper to me the lies people tell
Then turn around and whisper your own
You whisper to me the hate in peoples hearts
Then turn around and consume me within your own
Sometimes I wish for you to let me go
But without you
I feel as if I'm no one
Nonexistent
Like the smallest whisper carried by the wind
Could wisp my will away
So no
Don't go
Wrap me in the dark
And pull me into the darkest corners of reality
As you consume me
Within you
Jul 8, 2019
Jul 8, 2019 at 11:15 PM UTC
Titles are meaning
deeper, the title
brighter, the title,
GREATER, the title
the more views one gets
the more likes or attention
ones creation gets
most of the time
I'd love for someone to notice these
someone to hear their pleas
Like I do
my creations
my words
And my understanding
doesn't just come from my heart,
it comes from theirs to...
I feel it all
and some may just say I'm edgy
the darkness may seem sketchy
but one would only believe that
if they haven't experienced pain
From another
And those others
the others...
are becoming opinionated
and offended
And are starting to say
'NOBODY WILL UNDERSTAND'
like I did, on the sixth year, and bad day
But when did I...?
Become nobody
Jul 8, 2019
Jul 8, 2019 at 5:48 PM UTC
Guess i'm back
i am sorry
i really lacked
from insanity
thinking 'Why?'
for quite some time
i should've listened
but at least i'm better
better understanding
better at looking
better at surviving
better me
I may be overthought
maybe over thinking
overthinking constantly
gave me understanding
but the slight anxiety
and apathy
i didn't care
they didn't
In multiple reality's
It may take time
to revive
what once followed
but does it matter?
As long as the thoughts flood
and the tears fall
across my soul
i will live
in multiple reality's
May 17, 2019
May 17, 2019 at 3:39 PM UTC
I always bother you
though I never try.
I hate the tears
but I cant keep from the cry.
you are everywhere I can never find
everywhere
but by my side
and its pathetic,
I _know_ it is
and yet...
I cant keep the panic at bay
and still....
anxiety steals my words before i can say
i m i s s y o u
i l o v e y o u
w i l l y o u s t i l l r e t u r n
w i l l i e v e r l e a r n
w i l l y o u l o v e m e i f i d o
w i l l y o u l o v e m e i f i d o n o t
Nov 5, 2018
Nov 5, 2018 at 11:15 AM UTC
I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.
Now read from bottom to top.
Nov 5, 2018
Nov 5, 2018 at 11:02 AM UTC
Its not good mentally
i was never good,
but too fail so much
it explains why i lack,
i keep it in
because i know how much words can hurt
knowing that
i know how much emotions hurt.
the words fine
and ok
good
and 'yeah.. just tired,'
can hide so much,
And why do i play this game,
it doesn't count as lieing
it is hiding,
not out of cowardice but out of
perspective.
How one is hurting from an arrow in their back
as another walks up too them and asks,
'Are you ok?'
because they care
because they realize everyone has pain.
but nobody realizes
that the person who asked,
'Are you ok?'
Has a multitude of arrows in their back
But it doesn't matter
for women and men,
we each have the same sized ladder to climb
but the people in between
that can see past the stereotypical remarks,
and bullying of all kinds
past their pain,
to make others laugh,
..and smile...
It doesn't matter,
who you are
why you do things
what you look like.
we all have pain
but some will keep it locked up
bottle it up in a jar
that will never break,
so they can mend the wandering
broken hearts of this world.
But sometimes they can be misunderstood,
because they smile in a world filled with frowns
but their only misunderstood,
Because of their untold words
that lye with the pain
and sadness
that lye's
in their mason jar, heart
Nov 2, 2018
Nov 2, 2018 at 2:51 PM UTC