Its weird to go from having so many friends
To sitting alone at lunch
Wondering why I even bother
Jun 4, 2015
Jun 4, 2015 at 12:44 AM UTC
I wrote how I felt
on a small slip of paper
and I threw it
into the ocean
to never been seen
again
Jun 4, 2015
Jun 4, 2015 at 12:34 AM UTC
you carry your past on your shoulders
and never understand why people ask
why you no longer smile like you used to
Jun 4, 2015
Jun 4, 2015 at 12:31 AM UTC
Pull me like a string,
watch as I disintegrate
under your touch
Try and put my pieces back together,
get angry when they
no longer fall where you want
Tell me you love me,
turn your back and leave
without a word
I can still feel the stitches of your touch,
serving as a constant reminder
that for you,
I could never be enough
May 22, 2015
May 22, 2015 at 12:23 AM UTC
He had reasons
But I had none
A lot of questions
He'd become
We had memories
So we aren't really strangers
But then he looks at me
Like I'm the only one who can remember
May 21, 2015
May 21, 2015 at 2:35 PM UTC
I saw you in my dreams again
the first time in months
I guess my dreams no longer know you like I do
They still crave your presence
and welcome your smile
Back when your arms never felt hollow
before our smiles faded
and promises became harder to follow
My dreams no longer acknowledge that world
they have chosen to forgive you
because I never could
All along I just needed to
forgive myself
So I no longer blame you
for the things that could not be changed
I'll bite my lip and never speak these words
and instead,
I will see you in my dreams.
May 21, 2015
May 21, 2015 at 2:30 PM UTC
Write me a book,
Call it:
"All the Ways I Was Unable to Love You."
List the reasons
why it was all my fault
Tell them about
the impossible pedestal
you placed me on
Describe the way my hands shook
trying to put your pieces
back together,
and how I no longer knew
whose hands were bleeding
I never wanted to change you,
I just wanted to be enough
to fill your emptiness
But the the void became to deafening,
and with your brokenness suffocating me,
I used my last breath to say
"Im sorry."
-I was always sorry for your mistakes
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015 at 3:29 PM UTC
and if you would have asked,
I would have gone anywhere with you
and if you would have let me,
I would have loved every inch of you
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015 at 3:10 PM UTC
It's 3 am and I'm going
100 on the highway
and I can't take my eyes off
the rear view mirror
and no amount of speed
can take me away fast enough
from all the lies you left behind
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015 at 3:05 PM UTC
i am -
i am homesick for a person who
left when i forced him to leave,
pushing him out the door,
arms shaking,
tears cracking in the back of my throat,
and i hope i don't ruin you
when i know you will ruin me
and now - now it is
too late at night and
i hope the moon is not my only friend
because he has forgotten me
for a girl with ginger hair and a scar above her lip
who is just like me,
except that she's thin and vegan and doesn't like harry potter
and i -
i am convincing myself not to send text messages
i should have sent
before my eyes turned ancient with the ache
of heartbreak and he
refused to look at them.
messages i should have sent
2:14 am, day one
i miss you
3:23 am, day two
i still miss you
3: 24 am, day two
**** why did i make you go
6: 25 pm, one week later
do you remember when i thought
you hated me and when you thought
i hated you? that was
all lies.
is it still a lie?
6:26 pm, one month later
can we
still be friends? it's so hard to see you
in the hallway without
bursting
into
tears
and
flames.
12:01 am, three months later
halloween doesn't
taste the same and
sugar is more sour and sweet and the
moonlight dancing across the haunted street
is not beautiful to me anymore
because you are not apart of this.
4:34 am, seven months later
it is
the day of love and we spoke
for the first time in person since the
school dance a few months ago and my
heart
hurts so badly
3:57 am, eight months later
i am trying to love new people, better
people, and he tells me i am the world
to him but i
don't want him to love me because
he's
not
you
2:31 am, nine months later
i put you first, i always ******* put you
first, and i never made you feel a ****
thing.
2:33 am, nine months later
i still ******* miss you.
******* it.
now
i am trying to convince myself
i don't love you anymore
but it's growing so difficult because
because
maybe i still do
and i don't want to, i don't want this, i don't want him.
i don't.
he ignores me without reason
and does not try to be
my friend
and does not
look me in the eye
and he is the tear in my heart.
so, hello again,
poetry.
will you be my lover now?
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015 at 2:46 PM UTC