i still see her dead in the grave i dug
in a forest i wasn't allowed to find
made to kneel for men of strength
made to kneel for men like you
and i am told that when i smile
i give hope to other people
so why can't i find a way
to give it to myself
why is it,
when left here all alone
i do my best
to push the good out for the bad
to make room for all the pain
like i am back there all again
like i wasn't made for healing
but the truth is that i'm ripping sutures out
just to keep myself here, bleeding
making sorrow for myself
how selfish have i been
to say that this was more than i can take
when i have already moved away
when i am free from all the pain
that kept making me this way
how selfish i have been
to say that i would've rather traded places
like the creature in my brain
that he placed there for his reign
is somehow worse than the grave
i found comfort in my suffering
like it somehow defined me
or refined me
like there was happiness in death
or there were freedom in its grip
and not the endless night
Jun 29, 2020
Jun 29, 2020 at 2:51 PM UTC
i tell myself i do not miss you.
i have to tell myself something,
otherwise you're telling it to me from the corners of my mind.
and maybe its a lie
not maybe, i know it is
one day i'd like to know whose words are coming from my mouth
the endless question
are they my words
or yours
still haunts me every single night
and in a way
i'm afraid
that if your words don't come out
i'll have lost my last connection to you
and then who am i?
Jun 29, 2020
Jun 29, 2020 at 2:24 PM UTC
I always knew
We’d be fine
When we’d scream
And we’d fight
And if that’s the case
What am I doing out here
Sailing as far away as I can
From you?
Aug 10, 2016
Aug 10, 2016 at 1:41 PM UTC
I always knew
What a star
You’d eventually
Turn into.
With a face like
Aphrodite’s
And thoughts
Like the moon.
Aug 10, 2016
Aug 10, 2016 at 1:33 PM UTC
I always knew
I was wrong
Before you knew
That you were right
Can’t you see
You never loved me
Not like you thought
That you did?
Aug 10, 2016
Aug 10, 2016 at 1:33 PM UTC
I always knew
I’d never amount
To half of what you
Thought that I was
Or perhaps
What you thought
That I could be.
Aug 10, 2016
Aug 10, 2016 at 1:32 PM UTC
And the glass in the window frame
Starts to shake
Violently
Letting the sound of the storm
That was forming in the darkened sky
Be known
All but silently.
I tried to leave
But by then it was too late.
Your beauty: The lightning,
Your gaze: The thunder that follows.
I fell in love with a storm.
And it tore me apart.
Aug 8, 2016
Aug 8, 2016 at 6:48 AM UTC
Children, forgive me
I did not mean to take away
The man you grew up calling father.
I know what it’s like to lose a Captain.
But don’t you know,
This man killed your father
Years ago.
I was just returning the favor.
Aug 8, 2016
Aug 8, 2016 at 6:48 AM UTC
I replay that moment
Every night in my head
Try and find out
Where it all went wrong
But why?
I remember you staring off the balcony
Looking out at the ocean
And I’d tell you
Someday we’d sail the seven seas together
I remember each morning
We’d share that cup of coffee
And I’d roll tobacco
And tell another joke
And you would smile
And tell me you loved me
In your own little way.
In a way that no one else had done
And you had me fooled.
I believed you actually meant it.
You may have meant it then,
But you didn’t always mean it.
And I held you close.
Asked you if you loved me or him.
And you said me.
And you fooled me again.
I told you I loved you.
I meant it then,
And I will always mean it.
Remember that,
The next time you see me.
Aug 8, 2016
Aug 8, 2016 at 6:43 AM UTC
I slammed my fist
Through the cheap, hollow door.
You’ve left me broken,
I hope your children know
That you killed a man,
So that you wouldn’t feel bad
About breaking a home.
When you saw her,
Did you look at her hand?
Realize what you’ve done.
Did it mean nothing, the gold band?
You swore you’d always be here.
You swore you’d always be mine
I’m trying to survive.
You swore.
But You lied.
Aug 8, 2016
Aug 8, 2016 at 6:43 AM UTC