There once was a girl who walked the Earth
She had lots of fun
Playing and dancing
As she grew up, she became uncomfortable
Something about her wasn’t right
There suddenly was this pain in her head
Nagging at her all day and all night
She needed something to relieve the pain
But no medicine or remedy would help her
Growing into a woman, the pain persisted
As she put on her makeup and did her hair
Something was trapped deep inside of her
But no one knew the right solution
She finally gave up
Desperate to know what’s been plaguing her for years
She went to the kitchen and pulled out a knife
Cutting carefully in the top of her head
And sticking her hand in to see what’s inside
She pulled out a creature, tiny and smiling
Not a boy or a girl
Barely a human
She smiled widely as she finally realized
This tiny part of her could be released
"It was you who was in my brain all along!
I knew something was trapped, but I didn't know what
Now I can finally set you free"
She kissed the creature and held it tight
"It's time for my body to leave
And time for you to explore
Thank you"
She placed the creature tenderly on the ground
Before her body melted into the earth
To truly free herself of this pain
She had to let go of the shell
And let her soul
Let the creature
Walk and explore
In its truth
Feb 5, 2019
Feb 5, 2019 at 5:29 PM UTC
There once was a creature who lived in a shell
It was tiny
Not a boy or a girl
Barely a human
The shell was big and stayed perched on something
The creature couldn't tell much else
It sat in the shell waiting to grow and move out
Twiddling its thumbs
Not having much fun
Years and years and years and years
Growing steadily in that big shell
Well, the shell got smaller as the creature grew
Less space for the creature to run around
Finally, one day,
There was a crack in the top of the shell
The crack widened and the sunlight came in
A huge smile came to the face of the creature
"Is this the day?
Am I finally getting out?"
A delicate hand with long, painted fingernails
Picked up the creature and dangled it upward
Out of the shell it lived in for so long
The creature's eyes were massive
Taking in all the new sights around it
The creature finally saw the outside of the shell
A beautiful head attached to a beautiful woman
She had long, flowing hair and ruby lips
She smiled at the creature she held in her hand
"It was you who was in my brain all along!
I knew something was trapped, but I didn't know what
Now I can finally set you free"
She kissed the creature and held it tight
"It's time for my body to leave
And time for you to explore
Thank you"
She placed the creature tenderly on the ground
Before her body melted into the earth
As the woman shrank, the creature grew
Finally fully becoming the human
Able to walk and explore
In its truth
Feb 5, 2019
Feb 5, 2019 at 5:28 PM UTC
I try to chip away
At this massive glass wall in front of me
Trying not to let the pain and loneliness overtake me
Suddenly I realize
I can turn around
I turn around to see so many others with me
Those trapped behind walls of their own
And those that have broken out
They wave and smile and blow me kisses
They know what it’s like
To have the world shut out in a way they don’t understand
We’re in our own world here
Our breaths are shared and our stories are passed
Through the most unlikely connections
We have our own family behind this glass
Something people may scoff at
But they just don’t get it
The relief of finding someone else
The true representation of joy from hardship
Finding a community
In this shared space
Behind the glass
Jan 6, 2019
Jan 6, 2019 at 10:50 PM UTC
another unfamiliar holiday
broken pieces repeatedly jammed together
trying to become whole again
the silence is deafening
between each cutting remark
tears are shed
and I don’t feel like I belong
these people are close by proximity
but not close by heart
I wish I could escape
though the december air is hot in florida
the people around me are what make it feel so cold
Dec 25, 2018
Dec 25, 2018 at 10:53 AM UTC
family gathered around the table
every year for something special
hearty laughter fills the air
and I feel at peace
telling stories
cracking jokes
sharing memories
i’m reminded of my blessings
though the family is small
the bond is stronger
as we grow close and feel our love
though the december air is hot in florida
the people around me are what make winter warm
Dec 24, 2018
Dec 24, 2018 at 9:55 PM UTC
I look back on the year behind me
filled with a continuous loop of mountains and valleys
the photos and scraps representing vivid memories
convention badges and hospital bracelets
bottles of nail polish and vials of blood
bonding over a restaurant meal with friends
and choking down a frozen dinner in a bout of fatigue
the moments of joy and devastation
sometimes i’m told i’m lucky
other times i’m told i’m strong
i’ve kept on moving either way
each minute is transformative
chipping away at the rock to create a new sculpture
a year is a lesson
an adventure
a journey
Dec 13, 2018
Dec 13, 2018 at 4:33 PM UTC
The boulder stands strong
The boulder weathers the fiercest storm
Its rocky exterior protecting the life of what’s inside
When the surroundings can cave
The boulder cannot crack
Or else the strength fades
And the boulder dissolves
Into pebbles
Into sand
Though sometimes
The boulder grows weary by being firm
By being unaffected by outside circumstances
Sometimes
The boulder needs to soften
Needs to breathe
Needs to crumble
Oct 9, 2018
Oct 9, 2018 at 12:15 AM UTC
the vast spectrum that is the sky above
in the light of day
your warmth radiates like a thousand suns
in the dark of night
your eyes twinkle like a thousand stars
let me stretch my arms open wide
and take in every ounce of you
until my heart fills to the brim
pull me close
whisper my name
my heart will shout in response
the kind of love that fills you up
and makes you dance
underneath the sky
a painted sunset
white cotton clouds
beauty beyond compare
I’m mesmerized by the moon
smitten by the stars
you are the sky
and every perfect thing in it
Oct 6, 2018
Oct 6, 2018 at 11:30 PM UTC
wake up
swallow pills
try to stomach something
stare at myself in the mirror
until i don’t recognize that face
getting those messages daily
people envying my life
wishing they could be me
if only they knew
the exhaustion i feel
hiding behind a mask
to keep myself safe and comfortable
many are at arm’s reach
but very few are pulled in closer
fine
i’m fine
really
i promise
no negative emotions here
no real sadness or anger
just an eerie feeling of numbness
pushing my emotions farther and farther away
without anything to replace them
don’t understand?
just step into my world
constant poking and prodding from people clad in scrubs and lab coats
faint whispers of people picking apart how i dress and act and love
the future is dizzying
with my obstacle course of an existence
life is a game
of comparison and competition
just let me sit on the sidelines for awhile
please
i need to rest
but for now
slap on a smile
meme myself into a good spot
throw in my earbuds and forget
take some more pills
flop into bed
but no matter how much i sleep
i’ll still be tired
Sep 26, 2018
Sep 26, 2018 at 10:33 PM UTC
There was that calm before the storm
Before this part of my world was rocked
The seismic shakes of anxiety ripped through me
My jaw clattering
My limbs vibrating
As the night went on
The dust of betrayal and self-hatred began to settle
Who was the catalyst of all of this?
If only I could really tell
Recovery from a disaster takes time
As I gather my thoughts
And clear the dust
I think of where to go from here
After the earthquake
Sep 13, 2018
Sep 13, 2018 at 2:37 PM UTC