i don't know how i felt this way,
i don't know why i feel this way,
but girl,
you're dull, somedays -
oh girl,
act out, somedays
waiting for something different, i pace up and down
temptation is so strong, somedays
these days,
only today
Feb 14, 2016
Feb 14, 2016 at 6:50 PM UTC
god,
i didn’t mean for it to be
so easy
i didn’t mean to die
quite like that
just wanna
cover you in
anything
just wanna
hold you in
darkness
just wanna
be the one
you know?
Feb 13, 2016
Feb 13, 2016 at 8:16 PM UTC
ah
god ****
she's working for me
got her on the couch now
her head between my thighs
i swear don't move
i just shake
and shake
for you
*******
i love my job
only somedays
days like this
Feb 7, 2016
Feb 7, 2016 at 5:53 PM UTC
every bottle
takes me nearer
every drink
helps me breathe
give me confidence tonight,
tomorrow could lead
anywhere
god - take me away
i want your silent revolutionary care
i want to be held
by you tonight
Feb 7, 2016
Feb 7, 2016 at 5:52 PM UTC
the more I tried to fix things;
the more they’d shatter
- i kept running from something
away from myself
to let go would be to fall into submission,
retribution
to admit what i feel
would be too much -
vulnerability left behind
i’m not like her
now it’s quiet -
no heartbreak, drama or fights
the worlds spins silently
now she’s been left behind.
Feb 1, 2016
Feb 1, 2016 at 5:24 PM UTC
a number of times the bell tolls for who we are and what we became -
you're the placid glimpse into my future
I hold onto like an ink-less pen.
tell me you need me, if you have the heart to.
still, i wait - i pace.
needing to know the right way to look,
the right way to think.
a backstreet stranger tells me you're gone but i don't listen,
a flickering streetlight tells me I'm lonely
and a patter of rain beckons me inside
- but the sign of the lighthouse,
tells me you still could be mine.
dashing down the coastline,
like a bitter dog in the flickering damp.
drinking all I fathom to stay in grace.
not a single word could revive you now.
I stay silent.
i let the waves embrace me with a withering sadness, as on my knees, i fall into the sea.
the damp sand caresses my feet as they sink into sanctuary - I cower, praying to the moonlight you would come home.
Feb 1, 2016
Feb 1, 2016 at 2:06 PM UTC
If I had to give a reason for why I had to make her leave me – it was easy. For a start, I couldn’t leave her. It was impossible for me – yet to push her over the edge was the easiest thing in the world, to force her to hate me so much she would never come back. Now, the reason I wanted her to leave me was obtuse, narcissistic and insane – I blamed her. It was her fault I hadn’t made a movie yet, written a book, travelled the world. It must’ve been her fault cos it sure as hell wasn’t mine.
After a drink, my savoir and solace – it spiralled into my lap that way, into ease. I didn’t even have to try, for in a way the intoxicated infected brain tried to teach me what was right – what I meant and what I could never let go. The darkest corners of oblivion took over me.
It happened so much more quickly than I could ever imagine. She cut me straight like a knife, like I never could. Like all the years, all the days, all the affection meant nothing. It could never have been so easy for me and the rejection that dawned was something I was untouched by – until this moment. And it hurt like a razor skimming your ankle. Like a cut to the throat.
Luckily, sadness fuels something else in me. A desire I was chasing, a desire to be everything I had ever wanted.
I spent so long trying to break free yet all I’m left with is sadness, isolation and regret.
I want you back like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
Dec 29, 2015
Dec 29, 2015 at 10:53 PM UTC
hey
i could've waited you know
could've gone with you
sometime
hey
did you really mean to let me
slip away
quite so easily
hey
you could call, you know?
you could drag me back
i would
hey
i'm still waiting
how much longer
now
Dec 9, 2015
Dec 9, 2015 at 7:18 PM UTC
girl
you just
walked right into the room
dazzled me again
didn't you
did you feel a thing
like i did
did you think the way
i thought
i'm going to travel to sadness soon
it's the only way to rid myself
of these thoughts
Dec 9, 2015
Dec 9, 2015 at 6:52 PM UTC
she's a dream
and i am the dreamgirl
all wrapped up in red
she moves so quietly
you couldn't tell
she's afraid
timid and tiny
obsolete wonder
in her eyes
floats to my staircase
in white
Dec 8, 2015
Dec 8, 2015 at 6:12 PM UTC