I guess I still care
I guess you can call me a liar.
Because that's what I do, I lie.
I lie to you. I lie to him. But most importantly, I lie to me.
Taylor swift once told me that when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them.
She said my first kiss will make my head spin round. That I'll do greater things than dating the guy on the football team.
But dear Taylor, I didn't date the guy on my high-school football team.
I dated the older guy from work.
for six months.
fighting with myself to justify what I was doing.
Asking myself if I even wanted this.
Asking him if he regretted me because in all reality I just wasn't her.
I should have gave up Taylor.
But I didn't.
I pushed myself to trust him. To make myself older in so many ways.
I should have gave up Taylor.
I should have dated the guy on my high- school football team.
Jun 29, 2016
Jun 29, 2016 at 10:49 PM UTC
Do you ever feel like life's not fair
that what goes up will never come down because there's no more air
You're afraid of what you don't know because of what you do know
and You hate the way you look in a mirror yet you wonder three times a day;
about the shape of your hair
the dimple on your side cheek
how many layers today?
You wonder.
Maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day
maybe you'll find a lucky penny or scribble your pain away.
How many times do you have to fall before the last ledge?
What's the number between 2 and 20
Could you be 18 when you're 8.
How about 8 when you're 18?
It's a possibility that growing up will be harder than dying.
There's a yellow spot on my elbow
red dots on my pillow
my world is getting quite colorful.
I suppose that's why it's harder for my body to keep on running.
Time is inevitable;
which makes infinity a lie.
and Hope breeds eternal misery
because expectation is the root of all heartache
you can't justify every reason
|but Don't give up on what you don't understand;
Jan 29, 2015
Jan 29, 2015 at 1:39 PM UTC
I love the way you talk out of the side of your mouth, like you could somehow reel the words you say back in,
throw out a line, before it's too late.
I wrap my arms around you before you can react and it's just my way of saying that
I love the syllables, the speech that softens your expression,
the fox-light in your eyes
and your curved lips on mine.
Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 10:36 PM UTC
I never loved you
I never even really liked you that much
You were just a boy that was there, that was nice
That’s all just a boy
I just wanted to be a girl
I wanted us to be like leeches, like parasites
We get what we wanted and then fall off
And that’s what I did but you
You refused to leave, you grew attached
you said it’s over you said I’m done
But you were the one that wasn’t leaving
And when I did you followed me
You aren’t a very good leech
Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 10:34 PM UTC
I love you
And that's the problem
I will eventually hurt you
I will disappoint you
I will make you cry
It's not that I mean to
It's truly an accident
Love causes pain
That's why I wanted to tell you
I'm Sorry
Even if I haven't hurt you yet
I eventually will
Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 10:33 PM UTC
I planned it all out
Carefully manipulated
Every tiny detail
As if I thought
For those few seconds
That I could script life
I was going to tell you
I had it all figured out
But when life happens It never happens the way you wish.
Your laughter seemed off
Your smiles struggled
As if you were clinging
To a past happiness
Or trying for us or you
To act like everything
Was fine
And so I knew that my seemingly
Unimportant piece of news
Would knock you from
Your carefully placed
Pedestals, and that I could
Not bear to see
So since I couldn't
Find the courage.
To tell you in person
I wrote it in a poem
I had a relapse, it was only two days
But I felt so hollow, so empty
And everything seemed to hit me
Like a train that had been delayed
I realized how far apart we really are
We said that it wouldn't change us
But I know that isn't true
We will always be friends but things are different now. And just the other day. In the hall I met his eyes and all I wanted to do was turn to you and cry
But then I realized I have gone so far, that no longer can I turn to you and hug you, unless it's from afar. So I had a two day relapse, it's run its corse and gone, and even though it's over now, if you know what I mean, the long sleeves are on.
Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 10:27 PM UTC
just take a moment and think about this
what if all that icy rock didn't miss
and gave our planet a passionate kiss
like a disgruntled lover out of the abyss
what if today, our planet earth did not avoid
the two-thousand and four b l eighty-six asteroid
could you imagine if we were all destroyed
leaving our spot in the galaxy now devoid
what if today was earth's final dance
and all of known life just ended by chance
mother earth's battered in another romance
does the universe even know of our significance
Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 10:19 PM UTC
Today, I pick up my pen to write my feelings again.
I swear they've changed, but here we are, same feeling different day.
With this art, I leave my body and into my mind we depart.
Here, I become the one and lonely soldier.
Where I am on the brink of something.
A barricading boulder blocking what I need.
So I trot off into belief on my trusty steed.
This is where I am who I want.
All obstacles are merely an antagonizing taunt,
That vanish at my will.
But will I take this mentality back with me?
I swear I could and I would want the world to see..
That I can be anything I want to be~
And I believe that I will, but is that really the key?
Or will I end up where I am, day dreaming beneath the birch tree?
*"So ****** What is it that I need?"*,
I say as I slap my hand to me knee.
What IS stopping me?
From getting from here to the end of the horizon that I see?
Could it be? A simple left and right of my feet?
I stumble upward, gather my balance.
Whistle for my friend, the stallion.
No sign of him..
I look below the rocks and around the bend..
I remember that I've felt this before
And it's silent again..
Today, I pick up my pen to write my feelings again.
WAIT! There must be something different today.
The trees are blooming and the skies are no longer grey!
The birds are singing and children are at play!
Something is indeed different today.
Is it that my disbelief has been cast astray?
Or was it that I jumped out of bed and did something good with no delay?
Either way...
I've noticed what it takes!!
I BELIEVE this is going to be a good day!
Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 10:19 PM UTC
What if feelings were really all just science?
That everything we feel is actually genetic
That would mean
Every awful feeling was meant to be
All that we do, all that we see
We were meant to be
Exactly where we are
That would mean our mistakes
Aren't mistakes at all
We were made to be exactly
What we are
Happy, scared, stressed, and sad
Genetics would make it seem less bad
What if science was really all we had?
All the heartache and pain
All the decisions that we've made
Everything we are would make sense
But this is merely a myth
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 11:35 PM UTC