THANK YOU for...
the lessons
the heart break
the faith I had in you that became disappointment and loss
the waiting I did to receive one text
the happiness you gave me in the moment then briskly took it away
for days
the hope you gave me for the future that you knew would never
happen... but I thought it would
teaching me to be not so naive
because now I am beginning to love again and it would not be the same if you hadn't hurt me.
Thank you, sincerely,
the one who could have been yours truly.
Jan 3, 2019
Jan 3, 2019 at 12:10 AM UTC
A breath of crisp spring air:
It was refreshing.
It was like letting go of all of your fears in a split second.
It was like feeling every pleasurable sensation imaginable.
Freeing.
Yes, I had that once.
No matter what happens, you always knew it would be okay.
...
But, now you're gone...
But, now there is the static noise in the background wherever I go...
But, now I breath the same air and I am just not the same.
...
I'd like to hope that there will be a time that I Love Again.
Nov 12, 2018
Nov 12, 2018 at 2:35 AM UTC
I don't know what I need.
I don't know what I want.
I have to just feel something.
It feels amazing to be with you.
Is it just me?
...
I feel the corner of the bed sharply bruise into my leg,
I feel the heat from the iron burn my grasp,
I feel the corner of the paper slice my finger,
I feel the laughter with my mother,
I feel the loss of a friend,
I feel the attraction between us,
but none of it means anything.
...
Maybe I am just afraid when I do feel something
(even knowing when it is two ways)
And maybe I want to feel something
all at the same time.
Nov 3, 2018
Nov 3, 2018 at 4:04 PM UTC
...from February to May 2018.
Lost, a blur, but unforgotten.
Aug 24, 2018
Aug 24, 2018 at 10:31 PM UTC
I gradually adjust to being with him instead of the other...
The other in which I embrace the memories of the feeling
of belonging,
of forever,
of "I am happy.",
of "This is it".
The other in which I embrace the memories of believing that
he will be the only one who ever loves me,
I will be nothing without him,
I'll never be okay if I leave him,
I don't deserve anything more.
The other in which for the past five years I looked at the reflection of US instead of the reflection of ME.
Aug 24, 2018
Aug 24, 2018 at 9:43 PM UTC
"Can someone stop time for me real quick?
Let me just catch up with what's going on.
Please."
We don't know when we really started talking.
Was it two or three months ago?
Either way,
He left a toothbrush at my apartment.
He hates lettuce on his burger,
I replace the bun on my burger with lettuce.
I cannot make decisions,
He aids me to.
He listens,
I listen.
He talks,
I talk.
I smile,
He smiles.
We drive where our hearts lead each other,
Winding up on a hill providing an introduction to every tree around;
it was something that neither of us have ever known.
So, we explore,
He finds the smallest of beauty: a white flower,
adding it to my hair,
I feel this deepness in my chest,
but decided to embarce it.
We moved a tree just to enjoy the view a little more
... to get one more little taste.
Will it ever last?
Will we ever be together?
Will anything ever truly last?
Jun 15, 2018
Jun 15, 2018 at 2:07 AM UTC
The air brushes through her soft, dark hair.
Smiling, she gazes at the wild, blooming trees.
I had not felt this happiness in a long time.
Longing not only for the man who was the spring breeze in my hair,
but the love that he would bring me.
Apr 2, 2018
Apr 2, 2018 at 3:46 PM UTC
"You're gonna get sick and weak if you don't eat."
But what if I already am?
These emotions have consumed my heart entirely.
I cannot tame this feeling,
but I can control everything else.
Being skinny...
bones are considered beautiful,
food is the enemy,
muscles are weakness,
so the fruit in my water is not to be consumed,
but only to be tasted.
I have begun to become so numb that it has spread to my physical
self.
Unlocking my front door this morning...
I could see it unlock and open,
but I did not feel it.
Apr 2, 2018
Apr 2, 2018 at 3:11 PM UTC
How does love work?
Is it chemistry like so many people say?
Or it is just the human brain manipulating itself?
It doesn’t matter what causes it because it’ll happen anyways.
Prince Charming.
No other man like him:
Sweet, Romantic, Manly,
Loving, Courageous, Caring,
Selfless.
The man I would dream of on the darkest days of my childhood.
But there is you:
Hard headed and *****
Exactly what I need, right?
Tearing every inch of me apart and sewing me back together.
Then cutting me,
but soothing my pain with a bandaid followed by your gentle touch.
Cutting me again, this time deeper,
Then looking into my eyes with a sweet sorrow and using your magic to numb me again.
It continues.
Until my leg disappears.
I am not fine with it,
but you convince me that I am okay.
That I am happy.
That I am happy.
That I still need you.
There's no logic in it... all feeling.
Mar 20, 2018
Mar 20, 2018 at 12:24 PM UTC
He was able to make love to me even though I had no make up on.
He was able to look into my eyes as he pleasured both of us.
He was able to kiss me deeply even after we had *** when we were saying goodbye.
But still said, "I don't know about next year."
But he meant, "we'll see if I can suppress my feelings this summer, so next semester we can try to only be friends. Just friends. Not more. Nothing more."
But I don't understand how we could do that. Maybe he just isn't thinking about me. Maybe he's thinking about himself feeling better and assuming that I'll end up adapting to being friends again. I have to. Don't I? Is there any other choice?
Does he even know that I fell in love?
Even if he did, he wouldn't want to believe it.
He wouldn't want to believe that he is about to attempt to inflict so much pain upon me.
He wants to believe he is a better person than that, but is he really doing anything for either of us by doing so?
You say the only time you have been mad at me is when you saw the bleeding flesh on my left upper thigh, but little do you know that I needed you.
I needed you to care.
I didn't care if it made you mad, but I needed to feel something again.
I began to become numb to the feelings that I had once thought were too potent, too toxic.
You didn't ask if I was ever mad at you, but I was... maybe I still am.
I am mad for making me fall in love with you.
I am mad at myself for being blind to the simple fact that I was falling in love with you.
But none of this matters, does it?
I've learned that no matter what I say or do, you can block it out.
It may touch your heart, but the second it does you run twenty miles in the other direction.
You're untouchable.
I could send this to you.
I want to send this to you,
But honestly, this comes from the purest part of my soul and this piece of writing does not deserve your lack of care and attention.
So, next time just don't fall in love with a man that's afraid of love.
Mar 20, 2018
Mar 20, 2018 at 10:21 AM UTC