You smile at me and I make you laugh
Then he remembers something I told him
And look me in the eye when I talk
My heart aches for nothing
Then the next time you're cold
A couple hours later we don't click
Only when we've had too much to drink do you care
My heart aches for nothing
Maybe I'm reading way too much into it
Depending too much on that feeling
Expecting more than what is possible
Now I'm stuck, too far in
I want you out of my head
Everything was so much easier when I didn't know you
I don't even know if you care
My heart aches for nothing
Oct 15, 2012
Oct 15, 2012 at 1:21 AM UTC
He wanted it and he wouldn't leave without it
I wouldn't give it and tried to push him away
He felt so good in my bed, against me, teasing me
I was given an opportunity and I really wanted it
My morals are as high as the wall around my soul
I have always reacted childish and now in University I chose differently
I'm proud of myself for leaving, for telling him no
Childish teenage boys who always want one thing will always be mad when they don't get it
And now because I stood up for myself I'm punished
Forced to see him everyday, now he chooses to hang out with my friends
Crossing paths is unavoidable
Shame and embarassment marr my face and wreck my heart
But why am I embarassed? Why am I shamed?
I can't answer that question
Would it have been worse if I just gave in?
Yes, I would feel better but my self respect and the respect that others give to me would be diminshed
I'd feel like a ***** a lousy one night stand
Not the way to give up my first
Instead, I sit here trying to convince myself I was strong
But all I feel is weak
I want people to like me and to think I'm a fun person
Is giving it up to every boy who wants it really necessary to do so?
I just want to be there for everyone, be their friends, be a nice person
So, that's what I will do with everyone including him
Everyone has their issues, as I'm most definitely sure he does
I won't let anything happen ever again between us
But I'll be there because I won't hold it against him
And I most certainly won't hold it against me
Oct 3, 2012
Oct 3, 2012 at 4:17 AM UTC
I wrote a poem
And now I can't find it
My thoughts have disappeared
Why is that so startling?
They are still there
In my heart and in my mind
The words I wrote are still true
And I still abide by them
Oct 3, 2012
Oct 3, 2012 at 4:12 AM UTC