It's a good thing I deleted your number
Or I'd be calling you tonight.
Crying about how much I love you even though I never really liked you
Crying about how you kind of completed who I am
But not ever in a good way
It doesn't matter though all those things I know..
Because I love you and I can't stop.
May 2, 2014
May 2, 2014 at 5:58 AM UTC
We would have tried,
Would we have failed?
Is it to naive to believe we'd have had a happy ending?
What's so hard to grasp about the fairy tail stories?
We would have laughed we could have laughed
but the happy endings aren't for us
Our story keeps dragging on and on
Life keeps scratching at our toes, never letting us rest
sleep is a part of the dream world we can't have
insomnia comes, shared by two people in separate rooms
we were always too naive
but I'll keep believing in a happier ending
Sep 23, 2013
Sep 23, 2013 at 3:13 PM UTC
The things you find when you leave your husband, are not the things you think you'll find.
A missing earring, a couple of quarters, a dime, a nickel and three pennies all stuck behind the makeup.
Those are the things you're happy to see. Those are the safe things. The things that make you think, "oh, well it's a good thing I'm finally cleaning out this cupboard." But then, then you stop. Because you aren't just cleaning up. It's not spring, this isn't a cleaning rampage. This is packing.
This is leaving.
This is the hardest thing you've ever had to do and no one is there for you.
This isn't anyone else's battle to fight.
It's a long time coming, 6 years of tears. 6 years of laughing.
it's the laughing that made you stay.
All the conversations about being so unhappy. All the friends who have said
"Well, if he really makes you that unhappy why don't you leave?"
As if the difference between happy and unhappy is as easy as I want it to be.
Like hopscotch.
Because what if it's all true?
What if the reason you're unhappy is because you are
"An embarrassment as a wife?
Who can't cook.
Who can't clean.
Who dropped out of school.
Who barely has a job.
You're embarrassed 'cause I'm yelling? How do you think I feel?"
If all that is true then leaving won't make you happy.
Leaving isn't going to change anything but your address, marital status and financial situation.
Leaving won't solve the problem, staying will.
Staying, there's no way in hell you're staying. You might have a snowballs chance out there but in here you're already dead.
Slowly every time you remember it isn't true.
I can cook, pasta, casserole, chocolate chip cookies and stir fry.
I make bacon and eggs, pancakes and waffles, coffee and cigarettes.
I can clean, vacuum the house, throw all the q-tips away that are left on the counter, pick up dishes that are not mine all over the house, but if not wanting to be a maid means failure I'll take it.
I'm going back to school, I'm not a good student, college is scary but I'm tackling those demons.
I have a job, I'm a nanny, I'm helping raise someone else's kid because I think that's worth while.
I am not embarrassed by myself. I like who I am.
YOU cannot take that away from me.
So I'm going to leave, for fear of more scars and just because the scars don't show doesn't mean they aren't there.
Because the things you find when you leave aren't found in the make-up cupboard.
Sep 6, 2013
Sep 6, 2013 at 9:32 AM UTC
I'm so good at ignoring my problems
that when I start drowning
I pretend I don't need to breathe
.
Aug 28, 2013
Aug 28, 2013 at 6:13 PM UTC
No. I won't remember your face.
No. You won't remember my name.
No. It wasn't fate that brought us together.
But in that one moment we jump and survived.
And it's all worth remembering.
Aug 8, 2013
Aug 8, 2013 at 12:13 AM UTC
Just another look, it won't hurt
Just another taste, it won't **** you
Just one more time.
But it hurts
And it poisons my soul
An it turns into twenty more times.
Just don't look, it'll be a dull ache before long
Just don't eat it, you're not a glutton for punishment.
Just forget...
Until the next time.
Jun 29, 2013
Jun 29, 2013 at 7:44 PM UTC
I feel it come upon me
The tightening of my chest
How it ceases to rise and fall
As I slowly remember thing that needs to be forgotten
But your memory clings tight to my spine
Chilling me to the bone
My skin reacting to the ghost of your fingers indent
The feeling of your lips on my neck, my ears, my lips
Worst of all your body calling out to mine to be closer
And then slowly again I can breath
It takes awhile but I shove the memories back down where they can suffer again in the dark
Jun 9, 2013
Jun 9, 2013 at 12:40 PM UTC
The wonderful thing about humans
is that humans are wonderful things
we hobble about and constantly fall down
but we do our best to stand on our legs
May 29, 2013
May 29, 2013 at 6:40 PM UTC
Holding smoke in your lungs will **** you
At least that's what They say
But my grandma smoked for 60 years an she's still alive today
They say laughter cures everything but it doesn't hurt any less when you laugh at my faults and mistakes, tearing me down crushing my soul day after day
So what are their words good for?
They say love is a many splendored thing
But when I gave you my love you told me I was spoiled and wasn't good for any thing
They say that big girls don't cry
Then why is my heart crying out through my eyes that our love is just a bunch of lies?
and They say that you've got to work for the things you want
but what if the working isn't making you hold on to what we had
So I SAY that today is the day I start being happy
and THEY can go shove thier words where the sun don't shine because they say it's all my fault
and I'm a bad example
and I'm what's wrong with the world today
but if they started saying I maybe the world would stop judging so hard maybe we could all share a slice of what they call humble pie and start keeping our noses to ourselves and eat together in peace not pieces.
May 14, 2013
May 14, 2013 at 6:50 PM UTC
The wind whispers through the trees, disturbing it
The leaves shudder and shake, scattering it into the air
Falling down gently like summer snow
You can see it floating on the air drifting as only things feather light can do
Through the trees it rides getting in your hair, nose and eyes
Quietly softly it collides
May 13, 2013
May 13, 2013 at 8:03 PM UTC