You just don't understand me.
I feel like I'm talking to a ******* wall.
And to be honest.
I'm done.
And tired.
I'm tired of having this fake smile plastered on my face.
Everything isn't all fine and dandy.
I'm. .. Lost.
I'm outcasted.
And no matter how much I say I accept it...
It doesn't make me feel like I belong anywhere.
I belong no where.
I don't belong here.
Im sorry.
But this girl has forever stopped smiling.
And no this isn't my suicide note.
Believe me,I wish it was...
This is a piece of paper... with a bunch of truth written on it.
And these truths are my feelings deep down.
The feelings that created these scars.
The feelings I try so desperately to hid.
Yeah. There's nothing for me here. Is what I think. I'm just wasted space.
I don't belong in this world of...perfects.
Im just a girl who doesnt feel that im good enough.
On the outside I smile like everythings fine.
But on the inside I break and crumble wishing these days would finally be over.
I try to think happy. But all I get in return is rejection?
No matter how much I sing beautiful day by U2 or Bad Day...
My life just doesn't turn around.
I don't have one friend that I can talk to.
And I can't talk...because...
My problems. I just can't I convey.
Dec 29, 2013
Dec 29, 2013 at 1:44 AM UTC
He doesn't know what he does to me.
That fucking smile.
The way he looks at me.
I'm getting chills.
He doesn't even know how he can make my heart melt.
Holy **** stew.
Babe.
My heart is in your hands.
My smile is in your laugh.
You have no Idea.
It really *****
I long to tell you
But i can't.
Because you like her.
You always talk about her.
I know you always think of her too.
But she doesn't like you back.
If only she realized how lucky she is
To Own your heart, just like you own Mine.
If only yourealized how lucky you are that you own mine...
If only our hearts will stop wanting what we both just can't have.
Dec 29, 2013
Dec 29, 2013 at 1:41 AM UTC
i sit in my room every night
in the dark,hiding from the light.
wishing and praying for something,
just one thing,to go right.
i cry at the fact
that i know in my heart...
in my soul,nothing is going to change.
all i can do is act...
and this girl that you see
she isn't the real me.
what would you do,
what would you say
if only you knew
i wasn't who i seem to be.
if i showed you
the sad soul i really am...
and put the happy one to rest,
how would you react to that?
if only you knew
how beautiful i could paint.
what wonderful roses i could create with my lovely thick red paint.
if only you knew just exactly how twisted my mind is...
and how i think.
oh,if only you knew...
maybe you could of helped me.
Dec 19, 2013
Dec 19, 2013 at 1:06 AM UTC
Dear God,
i can't seem to escape this fear.
no matter how much i fake this smile,
doubt is near.
Dec 17, 2013
Dec 17, 2013 at 7:32 PM UTC
Im here,
Crying and crying once again.
This is not what i want.
not who i want to be...
I don't want to be that broken girl.
i don't want to be me.
But here we are.
A sliver blessing in one hand...
a healed canvas on the other.
I am in this dark corner.
Alone forever.
A broken girl has been left to untangle
The lies...and the horrid truths of reality...
this is me.
And once again i start to bleed.
Dec 15, 2013
Dec 15, 2013 at 3:03 AM UTC
I have amazing friends,
I have a loving family,
i have good grades...
Everything is "PERFECT".
Yet i fight through each day...
Battle after battle,
defeat after defeat.
On the outside i may look happy.
act like the things you say don't phase me.
But inside im hurting
and dying for someone to save me.
I really just don't know anymore...i don't think i ever did.
But now its just finally hit me that im no longer a little kid.
I can't whine and cry,
without having a good reason why.
So…
when i breakdown like this,
I have to do it in private.
And this is why you've never seen me sad.
Because these tears are cause by things…
No one will ever understand.
Dec 2, 2013
Dec 2, 2013 at 11:25 PM UTC
Life is full of HATE...
Broken pieces
And
Horrid things.
Nightmares at every turn.
Dangers at every light.
BUT...
Life is also full of hope...
Dreams in every heart.
Faith in every soul.
Life is tough at times,
That is most definitely true.
But every so often there is a surprise...
A gift of magic that gives you enough strength to carry on.
That gift comes in many ways.
And sometimes that gift,
Is the little things that make you smile
And
Helps keep you sane.
Nov 27, 2013
Nov 27, 2013 at 12:35 PM UTC
I know it was ages ago.
It was awkward ,
we were clueless.
Didn't know what to do.
You thought we were over...
and i did too.
But little did you know,
After all those years
the horrid truth is...
im still thinking of you.
Yup,i swear i do.
when i walk by that tree where we first held hands...
Or at Disneyland where we shared our first kiss.
...IM STUCK IN THE PAST...
Then i come back to reality,
Every happy memory is burnt away by the scene of our fallout.
the yelling,the tears,the throwing of brushes and bottles.
Our history haunts me.
&
I just can't get away.
Nov 26, 2013
Nov 26, 2013 at 9:27 PM UTC
I really just want to cry,
Just let it all out.
I don't know why
I feel this filled with doubt.
I'm kind of done
And I no longer see the fun
In prolonging this pain.
There's nothing I could do..
I just can't keep sane.
And
As I look around,
I see smiles,
Hear laughs
which makes me wonder...
How these people can live without breaking a sweat.
It's pretty inspiring they can stay
This strong ...
I used to be strong,
But then I grew weak
And ended up doing the wrong
That shan't be speaked.
Since then I have started to pray
Every single day for his help
To get me through this horrid phase.
But...I guess I don't pray hard enough
Or
Have a big enough faith.
So...
The reality,I assume,is
I'm forever lost in this place.
Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 1:38 AM UTC
Im mentally done.
Im sick of this crap.
Nothing i do will ever be perfect.
so just get over it!
Nov 19, 2013
Nov 19, 2013 at 1:09 AM UTC