emotions come into my brain
working at steering me to feel insane
my brain always tries to kick them out
but they always like to lock it out
as they battle and i stare
i long to find the key in despair
to help my brain get back its ruling chair
take the script in both hands and gave it a mighty tear
somehow emotions always seem to reign and overflow
turning me into an immaculate freak show
tears are pouring out all over the floor
shaking and tormenting my very core
why do i have to feel so intensely
why is my life packed so densely
14/05/2020
May 14, 2020
May 14, 2020 at 3:56 PM UTC
your eyes
your smile
the gentle way you kiss my lips
and touch my face with your fingertips
make me want to bury myself in your soul
make me want to let go of my need to control
15/09/2018
May 14, 2020
May 14, 2020 at 2:53 PM UTC
“You have to be strong”
“You are not trying hard enough”
You ************
Do you think I want to drown myself in self-destructive thoughts?
Do you think I want to spend every night wide awake trembling with fear?
I am literally doing everything I can.
Even when every fibre of my being wants to give up and just die.
Thank you for adding more guilt and making me feel even more worthless.
You ignorant and judgemental piece of ****
27/03/2019
Mar 27, 2019
Mar 27, 2019 at 9:52 AM UTC
The floor beneath me is melting like a painting left in the rain
The more I try to claw my way back to consciousness
The more I drift away from reality
The deeper I sink into the place of distorted horror
Where static shapes are able to twist and turn
Ears are able to see and smell
Brains are scrambled and tangled
Words are formed but cannot be spoken
Thoughts are burgeoned but cannot be controlled
The venomous voices have all the power
Dare not to feed them with positivity
In darkness they are determined to rule
27/03/2019
Mar 27, 2019
Mar 27, 2019 at 9:13 AM UTC
Late at night or in the middle of the day,
voices sneak inside this ****** up brain.
They yell and scream till my mind is tore,
making me think, there, is, no, more.
26/03/2019
Mar 27, 2019
Mar 27, 2019 at 8:25 AM UTC
i feel completely exhausted
i lost the ability to relax
my jaw is always clenched
my muscles are always tense
my mind is always infested
nightmares are haunting my sleep
flashbacks of repressed memories are darkening my waking life
i jump at the drop of a hat
the slightest sudden unexpected sound makes me flinch
anxiety is plaguing my existance
06/03/2019
Mar 6, 2019
Mar 6, 2019 at 6:19 AM UTC
You have every right to desire it
You are selfish for accepting it
Let them take care of you
They should not be bothered
It's okay to be vulnerable
Dependence is for the weak
Life did not go easy on you
Stop fussing over everything
You are doing the best you can
You are nothing but a failure
Be kind to yourself
**** it up loser
09/01/2019
Jan 9, 2019
Jan 9, 2019 at 11:56 AM UTC
i love her
i love her so much
she's everything
i don’t understand it
the feelings that overcome my body
the thoughts that occupy my mind
nothing i have ever experienced
wholeheartedly foreign
whitman said
“we feel the long pulsation, ebb and flow of endless motion”
i never understood it
until she gave it meaning
she entered my life without permission
and intertwined with my story in an instant
nothing else matters
she’s the only thing i can see
all can fall into ruin
i don't care
she's my only pinch of bliss
in this incessant cyclone of turbulence
she transforms the mundane into compelling
hopelessness into safety
darkness into light
all i want is her to be next to me
to hold my hand
and love me
the desire to share everything with her
makes me want to live
makes me not want to die
she's the love of my life
all i ever wanted and dreamt of
i adore every inch of her body and soul
i refuse to be without her
we shall never be apart
i will love her until my dying day
i just hope
she feels the same way
02/01/2019
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 10:09 AM UTC
Ma
Inħobbok
Mhux dejjem naraw għajn b’għajn
Imma nħobbok
Naf li dejjem pruvajt mill-aħjar li stajt
Biex tagħtini dak li int qatt ma ngħatajt
Imma sfortunatament mhux dejjem irnexxilek
Il-Mulej mhux dejjem provdilek
Jien qatt m’għidtlek meta nqasstni
Meta bin-nuqqas tiegħek warrabtni
Qatt ma ridt niksirlek qalbek
U ngħidlek li ħadd mhu qed jisma talbek
Imma iva Ma,
Weġġgħajt
Għaddejt minn ħafna u int ma taf b’ xejn
Alla ħares tkun taf kif u x’ fatta u fejn
Bħalek Ma,
Għaddejt minn dak li m’ għandu jgħaddi ħadd
Ġarrabt id-dlam
U bkejt fis-solitudni
Imma issa Ma
Sa fl-ahhar...
Inħoss li sibt il-kuntentizza
Inħoss li qbadt it-trejqa li qed nibni jien
Ma rridx nibqa naħbilek iktar
Għajjejt nigdeb u nħaref
Allura għidtlek
Ma flaħtx inżomm iktar
U għidtlek
Kienet diffiċli għax kont beżgħana
Imma ridt naqsam din l-aħbar ferħana
Stennejt li ser tifhimni
Stennejt li xorta waħda ser tibqa tħobbni
Imma
Ir-reazzjoni tiegħek ma kienetx dik li stennejt
Ma kienetx dik li f’ moħħi pinġejt
Għalfejn Ma?
Għalfejn ma tridnix?
Għalfejn mhux taċċettani?
Għidli Ma
Lil min inħobb ma għandux jaffettwa kemm inti tħobb lili
Lil min inħobb ma għandux inessik li jien xorta waħda bintek
Mara offritli dak li dejjem fittixt
Mara għallmitni nagħraf x’inhi l-imħabba
Mara urietni kif jidher id-dawl fost id-dlam
Mara qed tgħini nsir inħobb lili nnifsi
Iva Ma
Inħobb mara
U mhux raġel
Għalfejn qed tħares lejja b’ dak il-mod Ma?
B’ ħarsa ta’ diżappunt
B’ ħarsa ta’ diżgust
Bintek għadni Ma
L-istess **** li kont tgħannaq miegħek
Meta kont tħoss li d-dinja qed tikrolla
L-istess **** li kont tiftaħar tgħid li hi tiegħek
Lil kull min taf meta tilmaħni fost il-folla
Ħobbni Ma
Nitolbok
L-istess għadni
Biss, ħrigt mill-moħba
15/10/2018
Dec 9, 2018
Dec 9, 2018 at 6:35 AM UTC
i hate my life
i hate myself
i’m not good enough
i’m not strong enough
i don’t see a point in living
i don’t see a future for myself
i’m a waste of space
i’m just a breathing vegetable
i don’t want to do that anymore
i don’t want help
i can’t get better
i’ve seen too much
i’ve felt too much
i can’t take it anymore
i can’t keep pretending
i’m not ok
i’m so not ok
i’m weak
and tired
i was a mistake
i was never meant to be here
i refuse to stay and watch my life get worse
i will never be happy
i want to end it
06/12/2018
Dec 9, 2018
Dec 9, 2018 at 3:22 AM UTC