it's been a year of firsts
my first time moving out
my first time with a guy
my first time being in control
but sadly
I can't say I've experienced
my first time moving on
it's been over a year
and still you appear in my thoughts
daily, mostly in fear
I gave you my mind
my heart, my soul, my love
but it wasn't enough for you
you bent and twisted me until you broke me
even though this year changed me
so many different ways
deep down I'm so glad
I didn't let myself stay
I think about you
miss you, too
I'm drunk but still with it enough to say
**** YOU
Apr 28, 2018
Apr 28, 2018 at 12:16 AM UTC
I am trapped
behind these closed doors
I want more
outside of the stereotypical high school world
no matter what I do here, I'll always be just a girl
give me more
living in freedom in what I wear
and not being judged for wanting blue hair
send me more
filled with constant love that I wanna pour out
and opinions that people should care about
but I'm trapped
right here, right now
and it's getting to be about time I learned how
to set my body, thoughts, and love free
instead of suppressing my cherished dreams.
send me more
give me more
I want more
but I am trapped
behind these closed doors.
Oct 7, 2017
Oct 7, 2017 at 11:10 PM UTC
love -
an emotion filled with desire
well i desire you.
its you i want
breathing your deepest drowned secrets in my ear
telling me you never loved anybody this much
stroking my hair in the hot, hot sun
love -
an emotion filled with trust
well i trust you.
its you i want
knowing when I'm not ok
kissing me to wipe my tears away
thinking of me when you're not here with me
love -
an emotion filled with affection.
well, i wanna affect you
its you i want
thinking of me when you're with her
missing me when you're all alone
dreaming of me because you aren't here.
where are you?
i love you.
Feb 13, 2016
Feb 13, 2016 at 12:57 AM UTC
I'm drawing a blank
I think this is a mistake
where did all my friends go?
I thought I had it right
you and me and they were tight
now I watch from across the road
I see all of the tweets
products of ignoring my greets
where you've all gone? I don't know
thought I could count on you forever
and nobody knew me better
it's 3:42 and now I'm alone
Jul 22, 2015
Jul 22, 2015 at 11:36 AM UTC
it's ironic
the second I put my thoughts out
they all seem to dissipate
it's ironic
the moment I consider sharing myself
I've realized that it's too late
Jul 20, 2015
Jul 20, 2015 at 11:27 PM UTC
I don't know why I get so down and I
don't know why I keep getting
trapped
I don't know why I can't stay up and I
don't know why I can't stop thinking
of raising
a cup or a glass of something strong
enough to influence me
something to get me high or just
enough to quit the suppressing
choking me back with these thoughts
I can't get rid of
it doesn't take much these days
to get me
down, down, down
lately all I know is my head just spins a-
round, round, round
nothing much to focus on to keep me
from drowning
I don't know what I'm doing but clearly
I'm frowning
Jul 20, 2015
Jul 20, 2015 at 11:22 PM UTC
I haven't made my bed in days
a simple little task
which seems to hold no value
it's the sign of a new beginning
starting beside the light
it's a little bit of magic
for you to do what's right
I'm lacking motivation
for the simplest of things
looking past the glory of
the magic each day brings
I tell people how to get better
I'll listen to their thoughts
maybe I'll get better
but who's to say I'm not?
I write this in my messy bed
of course, it's by choice
ignoring the magic practically shouted at me
by the words created by my own
voice.
Jul 13, 2015
Jul 13, 2015 at 11:36 PM UTC
I don't know
what I was thinking
when I decided to post
my most deep, dark
personal thoughts online.
I'm practically invisible
located in a sanctuary
I'm just horrified by what's
possible, it's all mental
who's reading this?
don't tell me
I don't want to
know you, and I don't
want you to know
the real me
let me be
I wanna be free
I'm sick of your judgement
whether it be real
or all mental
who's reading this?
don't tell me, please
I'm filled with anxious curiosity
don't forget, I'm contradictory
let me be
Jul 12, 2015
Jul 12, 2015 at 9:36 PM UTC
do you ever wonder what's out there?
past the stereotypical clowns
living in your hometown
once you drive out of reach from the pests
claiming that you aren't "your best"
when you're no longer trapped behind school doors
where all that matters is a test score
rather, in a place
where you could paint the days away
a place you could freely tour
the sea, museums, or a jungle floor
the places in my dreams
could be exactly what they seem
I've always wondered what's out there.
Jul 11, 2015
Jul 11, 2015 at 10:57 PM UTC
I promised I'd give writing a go again
so here I am
restlessly searching through
everything I've ever known
begging for something to write about
I've been happy lately I think
well I haven't wanted to self harm
well I have been eating
well I haven't cried much
crying rather
crying because I want things I can't have
crying because of music I love dearly
crying because I miss you
you are who made me like this
Jul 11, 2015
Jul 11, 2015 at 10:55 PM UTC