I think in the end we have a deep longing for those we have lost even if they are still of this world.
She whom destroyed my soul and I am still healing from, I wonder if I ever will. Eating my soul away one little insecurity at a time. Acting like nothing she ever did was wrong Even when she hurt all around her. I still want to know what she would think of me, who she is now, if she has ever grown.
He who I hurt in retaliation, he who deserves an apology from and acknowledgment of his own apology. If only I felt it would do any good to just walk across the street and create that conversation. I feel like we could have still been friends had I not been bitter.
She who I lost track of in life, I tried to keep in touch but eventually just stopped any effort. I believe I could still contact her, but what would I even say at this point. Was I the only one who thought about the other constantly what beautiful memories we had. What would happen.
The longing we had for the other soul, does anything really matter or will this continue for life.
Oct 24, 2024
Oct 24, 2024 at 11:50 PM UTC
You were my anchor to reality but you never were in reality. So my anchor to what?
To you?
To the bottom?
To the taste of chemicals?
To crime?
You were never good for me but you acted like it was the best thing.
Yeah yeah it was great at the time.
Except time kept moving and I wanted to be free.
You decided that not how you like me.
You threw me away to be collected with the rest of your garbage the next day.
I was like a ****** off spirit.
I kept coming back.
One.
Two.
Three times but you never let me stay. I should've known then all you did was make me decay.
They say never give up.
I say do it sooner and more final like shattering a glass cup.
You were the toxins in the chemical candy.
The sharp rocks at the bottom.
The jail time and fines ready.
The anchor for a ship tied to my raft made of twigs.
So long it took to detox cut the rope and swim back to the top.
I don't hate you but I will not decay with you.
Laugh as I will as you sink lower and lower.
I tried to tell you the decay will rot you make believe solider.
Sep 9, 2019
Sep 9, 2019 at 4:11 AM UTC
Everyday I think about you.
I realize maybe you are happier than I could've made you.
Everyday I'm thankful.
A best friend who has forgiven me endlessly.
Everyday I love you.
I never gave us the chance maybe I was scared maybe I was just flat out stupid.
Everyday I am happy.
A best friend who will always be there for me until the end.
I may have lost a beautiful love but I also got to keep an amazing friend.
Everyday I am sad.
I am brimming with guilt no matter what but I'm also glad that I didn't get a chance because I wasn't ready for it and I could've broken what I want to keep whole and loved.
But everyday I know we have an unbreakable bond.
Sep 9, 2019
Sep 9, 2019 at 3:53 AM UTC
I'm way to drunk and ******
But I still gotta drive us home.
Im thinking bout her
And the thing she could have been to me.
Things should've turned out differently
Her eyes the color of ice
First meeting hair of bright pink LSD
Body of goddess heart of a sweet sugared candy and that soul was just bright as can be
I'm drunk and alone
But I gotta live this life
But in still thinking bout my girl
Im way to drunk and I'm supposed to have moved on from this.
I cant just forget a love that never got the chance to grow.
I have to go
In the dark velvet dress the dark eyebrows
She was my world but i threw it away now im living in a different universe
Apr 16, 2019
Apr 16, 2019 at 5:51 PM UTC
We as human have such an attachment to everything, it’s out biggest flaw.
Our friends, our relationships, our objects, our old selves.
We always cling to everything.
Even when everything is pushing itself as far away as possible.
We should take a hint and learn a lesson.
We hold to tight and when everything goes it is so much harder to recover.
Even after being cut off we try to go back, and go back, and go back.
We need to keep moving forward.
Stop holding on.
Push ourselves away from what was.
Apr 16, 2019
Apr 16, 2019 at 5:42 PM UTC
It took 10 months before we saw each other again.
We had tried before, people pushed us.
This time I was invited to a party and, it happened.
I was completely terrified.
Would we yell. Would we cry. Would we fight.
Nothing happened how either of us imagined.
We saw each other stood there for a second till we were told to hug.
It was not like any other hug.
It was a weight lifted from my shoulders.
Relieving and healing.
Knowing I could move on.
While it put something back together it tore me apart.
A reminder of the hatred, the differences, and of course the hurt.
How we both moved on completely.
Minus the anchor that was still biting at our ankles.
What kept coming to me was how much harder it was for me,
How little she got hurt.
How it kept me fighting a darkness for months.
10 months.
It was forever, yet almost no time at all.
10 months.
Feb 19, 2019
Feb 19, 2019 at 5:11 PM UTC
I look back at all these old friendships old relationships.
I used to think they were perfect that they were real.
Never were they real
I don't think ever experienced a real friend a real love.
Why must I continue to trick myself to think that all of it is real.
But I guess do i even know what"real" is?
Mar 24, 2018
Mar 24, 2018 at 12:18 PM UTC
Yo, I didn't think it could get any worse.
Except now i'm sitting here alone.
I must have a curse.
My best friend left because of where I found a home
for my heart.
She is my everything I don't understand why she's gone.
Is my happiness really that toxic.
Could it really be that bad.
Could it just be.Me?
It doesn't really matter now.
I'm alone and drowning in my demons.
Ice and smoke , I must be dreamin'
I've let myself bleed and I let myself bow,
to the new king
I am not me, I'm ruled by darkness and hate and sadness alike.
She left me and now I have nowhere to turn.
I've called for help, but that's when they strike.
Bad habits, Bad feelings, Bad drugs, that's what i'll learn.
Nov 6, 2017
Nov 6, 2017 at 4:11 PM UTC
You ****** her.
You promised that would never happened.
You ****** her right next to me.
It was my birthday.
You ****** her and didn't care about me.
You didn't even seem to care.
You ****** her.
You broke me.
I can see it happening
I can see you looking at me
I can see you deciding I didn't matter
You ****** her
And you knew it would break me
Every little thing I've done for you
Spoiled you
Loved you
I loved you
But you didn't love me
Because you ****** her
Sep 21, 2017
Sep 21, 2017 at 11:20 AM UTC
It's been months if not a year since it's been this bad.
The marks are up and down my legs with no remorse.
Dark red lines that will catch anyone's eye.
It's not like life hasn't been rad
I just have no path no course
I had forgotten how addictive it was to be this sad.
Aug 29, 2017
Aug 29, 2017 at 3:37 AM UTC