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shula-e
American Not sure what stage Im at, the caterpillar, chrysalis or the Butterfly
What could I know of what goes on in the distorted mind But you were my preferred poison if ever I should drink any Now I'm thirsty, anyone can see Parched "They all saw", that's what u said-wrote, rather inscribed, in crayola, on Inside- wood, pregnant with promises I had a ring You wore me round your neck We made up stories Despicable Still I have so much anger Dreams Memories Songs of you, again failing to meet me halfway impossibly drunk in my eyes Loathing and Still it is impossible not to love the dead We always love the dead, weeeeping desperately upon tombstones Garlands candles prayers Please The walking tossed daggers carelessly and then was really the true weeping Noone wants that again, may you rest in peace but rest assured I am Living in peace
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Nov 20, 2011
Nov 20, 2011 at 12:29 AM UTC
We always Love the Dead
His eyes are not crazy or wild like mine in contrast- he is the calm to my storm Air to my earthiness. No mud shall build up from the waters of intensity Iam sure to be dried out and become unstuck and finely swept along.... sweetly and simply sand in the wind Safely, lightly, this desert is our home Here we have our peace. Together there is balance, no absence of anything Unspoken acceptance of untouchable territory He has his own, and I have my story. the earth is to me, the air is his glory It rains here and there but never enough to trap us in storm, he carries us along like sand in the wind
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Nov 17, 2011
Nov 17, 2011 at 12:10 PM UTC
Sand in the Wind
We go out running. Loudly our silence shrieking back and forth with the wind forcing itself knives into our lungs You force me farther still over the bridge now And then we're back there by the water this is where we were back then two years before this two years before all the nightmares whom have since presses their bodies against me between us handsome with ****** hands holding me hostage in their embraces in my embrace of myself It was warm then, with you. but the moon was just as now. and you kissed me just as now and embrace me youre still warm August just as November. Stormy just like the weather Fiercely you make your love to me So that i remember Down into the night you hold my hand and locked in prayer we breathe... We stay and look out onto the water into the past and into the future You force me farther still - testing my persistence. And then after so much waiting We run back home finally together
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Nov 17, 2011
Nov 17, 2011 at 12:00 PM UTC
August just as November
I wasnt supposed to but we went out running anyway. Call me an adulteress, it doesnt matter by now. Ill never reach these places with him that I do here. Here the wine flows down our throats and the wind rips down our hair and backs. And yes for the millionth time we live out fantasies that in others just lay there dormant in their coffins for etertinity my heart is an explosion of a million tiny rhapsodies racing around the planets landing for moments on thoughts on animals on stars and on trees and on grass but pounding in my chest and with ur heart all at the same time. You grab my hand and we are at once scaling the wall less edges of the scorching sun and sitting meaninglessly here in these moments i want a song written just for me i want to frolic among a trillion dandelions in purple linen dresses u and me i want the sun to laugh raining and kissing down our necks and backs it will be a fantasy we will be friends soaking up moments like hawaiian punch delightfully and lustily and you will sing a song and give it to me and when you are done it will sing over agian and we will never be done hearing it and we will know I and He
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Nov 15, 2011
Nov 15, 2011 at 6:27 PM UTC
Scaling the Sun
I licked his lips They tasted of stale women Of rivers of wine Nights of the sound of her dissatisfied sighs. You tormented heart Twisting violently to fit the shape of her mold Pleading for a miraculous flame in the bitterness of her cold Flecks of blood form here From shards Of your shattered heart here on my tongue letting the corpses of its decaying music evaporate into coarse negligence As if it had never been sung. Scorned. you weep on my body My fierce warriors spirit Frail shoulders attempting to bear the brunt of your past. Assure you of your beauty and that of the man beneathe the mask. A tear sneaked out your eye and into my mouth. but i cant drink you in… find a way to get out Run for your life into the future stop drowning your soul in the river s of wine
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Nov 15, 2011
Nov 15, 2011 at 6:26 PM UTC
Rivers of Wine
Full of anger and sweet sorrow, the fragile butterfly desperately wants a home. She wants the sunshine, she tries to be the sun. All is fair in love and war. Her wings chip away when she is dropped all the time. But this is the price she pays for flying to high places. And beleiving. The price she pays for embracing the wind so unconditionally, for shedding her colors onto gray spaces all because she knows color and about how joy is attained. Her screams are so silent and pierce through the ears of all the rocks of all the mountains. Thus she has no defense but the voice of the mute. She stands alone on legs so weak in a courtroom of lions. She wonders whether she might sometime be granted the privelage from the wind to be carried off and spread into many many different things out into the stormy waters of the ocean. Perhaps then through multiplication, she might be cancelled out. She gazes longful of such a plight out onto the water and by the bank of her broken dreams she sits down to weep.
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Nov 15, 2011
Nov 15, 2011 at 6:14 PM UTC
By the bank of her broken dreams
So weary of waging battles for the sunshine, this armor unbearably heavy now, this noose a garland of roses triumphantly paced around my neck. I can embrace a Lover as loyal as the devil, come walk me head on into the deep end of the river, I will surrender to the poison u will force down into my person, intoxicating me forever. Like deadweight I will crash, But a fall after every bone is broken must not feel like much. My casket must be of wicker and roses and I want melodic screams of outrage and wails of horror before and after my eulogy. It shall be marvelously tragic. A light squashed so cruelly so early before it had a chance to light others. And when it is learned of why it had been extinguished, even the faithless will be squirming with a deep shame and irrepairable sense of guilt. And the eternally youthful spirit will settle finally in ways she never could while living, smiling in deep satisfaction and revelling in the hell she has now forever cast upon these mortals.
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Nov 15, 2011
Nov 15, 2011 at 6:14 PM UTC
Heartbreak
After lunchtime, and before tea Donna quietly bade farewell to Mr. Samuels and to herself. Calmly, she twisted the bolt into the lock and pleasantly drew the curtains closed. She gratefully glanced at a photo of her dog and touched the piano as an afterthought. Making quite certain that everything was tidy, Donna swept up some dust she had overlooked. and then after lunchtime and before tea on a perfectly pleasant tuesday morning in a perfectly pleasant day in Donnas life she sat herself down in the center of the parlor and without hesitation ceremony or further ado, in 2 swift motions cleanly slit her wrists.
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Nov 15, 2011
Nov 15, 2011 at 6:10 PM UTC
Suicide for dessert
I always encounter different versions of you here By bodies of water and bodies under stone I’m trying to figure the symbology The motion of life and that of no motion Perhaps its the prominent eternity in both Tears have been borne forth by the banks of both. Amid the tombstones and tangleweed, and alongside sand dunes and the reed. Cries of joy also have erupted from our throats We were wild horses along the sea’s shore and giggles at other times creeped out our bellies Sneaking secret embraces in such haunted places Strange, how we dishonor the revered silence expected here. Eerie, how recurrent all this is. Time and again we are back by these bodies of water and bodies under stone. I’m sure you can twirl our two bodies and make them into one, hearts and bones don’t easily come undone
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Nov 15, 2011
Nov 15, 2011 at 6:09 PM UTC
Bodies of Water and Bodies under stone
Like strangers Uninvited Into each others domain I crept a little closer to u That first night on the cabin porch Your song sang out to me I made excuses just to get near you That hookah would travel farther with us Every conception is so symbolic Off the bat, don’t deny he was right there, the demon at my shoulder, ashamed of him, I encouraged the demon at yours, Your river of wine. You saw him, never knowing how long it would take me to slay it, And I watched yours never knowing how much you had to drink. With both our arms caressing our poisons, we reached out the other Save me you cried Save me first I beseeched you So we played doctor and bandaged each other Til our wounds screeched out in protest Then the dragon engulfed me and sat on my wings, You returned to your drinking A sea of red When the sun came out again, and illuminated our detours The tides pushed us close, we ran out unclothed into the ocean, our bodies clung to one another as Drowners to lifeboats I limped away from the dragons lair, attempting to unfurl my wings, nursing scars Crawled into your bed With your demons tossed aside, You couldn’t bear the sight of the wounds mine inflicted. You tried to draw close I tried to be yours We flew on a magic Carpet, it was A Whole New World I never discarded any part of us, maybe that’s why you never let go So with one finger wound tightly to your heart in bronze metal, With the other hand I reached for my sword And with the courage I never had before, I hunted down my demon. His head came off swiftly and cleanly I sidestepped the blood I carried it by its hairs to your doorstep And fell into your embrace. Now we drink from the same river, we share a glass of wine Our summer fling is over You are the best thing that’s ever been mine Its a whole New World No one to tell us no Or where to go Or say we’re only dreaming…. Don’t you dare close your eyes Hold your breathe it gets better
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Nov 15, 2011
Nov 15, 2011 at 6:08 PM UTC
A Whole New World
Like strangers Uninvited Into each others domain I crept a little closer to u That first night on the cabin porch Your song sang out to me I made excuses just to get near you That hookah would travel farther with us Every conception is so symbolic Off the bat, don’t deny he was right there, the demon at my shoulder, ashamed of him, I encouraged the demon at yours, Your river of wine. You saw him, never knowing how long it would take me to slay it, And I watched yours never knowing how much you had to drink. With both our arms caressing our poisons, we reached out the other Save me you cried Save me first I beseeched you So we played doctor and bandaged each other Til our wounds screeched out in protest Then the dragon engulfed me and sat on my wings, You returned to your drinking A sea of red When the sun came out again, and illuminated our detours The tides pushed us close, we ran out unclothed into the ocean, our bodies clung to one another as Drowners to lifeboats I limped away from the dragons lair, attempting to unfurl my wings, nursing scars Crawled into your bed With your demons tossed aside, You couldn’t bear the sight of the wounds mine inflicted. You tried to draw close I tried to be yours We flew on a magic Carpet, it was A Whole New World I never discarded any part of us, maybe that’s why you never let go So with one finger wound tightly to your heart in bronze metal, With the other hand I reached for my sword And with the courage I never had before, I hunted down my demon. His head came off swiftly and cleanly I sidestepped the blood I carried it by its hairs to your doorstep And fell into your embrace. Now we drink from the same river, we share a glass of wine Our summer fling is over You are the best thing that’s ever been mine Its a whole New World No one to tell us no Or where to go Or say we’re only dreaming…. Don’t you dare close your eyes Hold your breathe it gets better
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