A deep dark throbbing void
Thoughts of a long lonely road
Standing at this juncture, self-sacrifice
Half a life gone, of turmoil, turbulence
For better, for worse, for whatever it is worth
That chapter, that door, tightly shut. No more filth!
Never to be open again, never to peek in
Half a life, ya Allah! Have mercy. Show a sign!
Dark heavy clouds hovering around
Sunshine and hope peeking all the same
Peace of mind, a relief at times
Turmoil and angry bursts at other times
Standing alone under the shower
Under the roof of an empty house
Cry into the emptiness, the void forever
Wash away the tears, the fear, and the worries
Walk out to the world with a confident smile
No one the wiser to the dark ugly turmoil
The bursting pain behind the eyes, clawing out a mile
Clawing the sides, clawing up, a bursting skull
Yet, standing tall, standing proud
Is that pride? Is that strength? Is that weakness?
Weakness to reach out, seek help
Alone, alone!
Alone in to the world from darkness to the light
Alone out of the world from these blinding lights
Out to the darkness of gate of hereafer
Time will come to meet the lord, to make things right
Until then play this game of life
Jun 20, 2015
Jun 20, 2015 at 7:27 AM UTC
It is a curse to believe you need the certainty,
To live life expecting a ting of morality.
It is an insatiable need to maintain,
A scream in vain.
It is obnoxious to believe you can know someone,
It is an impossible feat for anyone,
You cannot dwell deep and fix their scars,
No one reveals all, not when it's their secrets hidden behind their own prison bars.
It is a myth, a legend,
That love solves all,
It is a children's fantasy to believe in the fairy tale end,
And yet, I try, even faced with the growing wall.
There were storms and plague,
Emotions which were vague,
The pain seemed unending,
And yet there was no craving for a new beginning.
Things have ended before,
I figured it out so it fled my core,
Some were easy, some hard, some I let go and some I fought,
But you, I still try, to figure out.
So that is the story, that is the certainty,
A joke upon a joke on my soul that needs the clarity,
To realize I can never be certain,
Hence unable to stop trying, a mess, a failure, an outcast in pain.
Sep 22, 2014
Sep 22, 2014 at 3:38 AM UTC
you are the calm of the torrential rain
good from far, get drenched out there
you are the stars in the sky
twinkling from afar, unattainable reality
you are the blue of the horizon
ocean meeting the sky in a straight line
you are the green of the mountain range
jagged here and there with gigantic rocks
you are the blazing hot sun
upfront, upclose, not safe for me to be bare
you are the mellow yellow moon
melting my heart, putting my guard down
you are in my dreams and waking thoughts
making me weep of joy, also of sorrow
you are ...
so much more ...
you are my proverbial shoulder, my punchbag
Jun 9, 2014
Jun 9, 2014 at 11:46 PM UTC
many a time in life we see,
people coming together, the guilt their fee,
the mystery, the secret, their favorite glee,
brief but satisfying as long as they see,
understanding that, what they feel would never be free,
the best time in their life, it could turn out to be.
Apr 28, 2014
Apr 28, 2014 at 11:12 AM UTC
it was the dead of night,
i heard a soft knock on my door,
i got up and turned on my light,
while picking up my shorts i had left on the floor.
i opened the door,
i did not ask for more,
because it was her,
she came in with no sign of fear.
i closed the door,
picked up everything else i had left on the floor.
she looked at me, smiled intrigued,
her eyes meeting mine, i understood her need.
i sat next to her and held her tight,
she melted into me, with no hint of a fight.
i nibbled her ears, i kissed her cheeks,
then it became urgent, like we had been waiting for weeks.
i woke up as the sun was rising,
she was still here, blissfully sleeping.
she was so beautiful,
how much, i cannot put into words.
i just felt lucky, and finally i guess… happy.
Apr 18, 2014
Apr 18, 2014 at 2:47 PM UTC
once there was a lonely rock,
in the middle of a rocky shore.
sure, there were other rocks around,
but this rock was different,
and didnt get along with the other rocks.
then along came a storm,
the storm was loud,
the storm was flashy,
the storm made sense and the storm was strong.
the lonely rock weirdly found these things soothing
and immediately found itself a friend.
but the storm was a storm,
it went away as soon as it came.
and again there sat a lonely rock,
in the middle of other rocks, waiting for the storm.
Apr 16, 2014
Apr 16, 2014 at 12:05 PM UTC
You taught me to love, you taught me to hide,
You taught me to judge, and you taught me to cry.
I have felt joy and have also felt fear,
Tasted the bitterness that is in a tear,
I have risen and I have felt the fall,
In short, with you, I have felt it all.
Yet even in anger, even in pain,
I do not regret and exactly the same, I will do it again.
A lifetime it felt, and a lifetime it was,
Memories undying, it will stay as is, as it always was,
Pure moments of happiness,
Gifts which will always be priceless.
Apr 15, 2014
Apr 15, 2014 at 12:48 AM UTC
the only thing i can offer,
is my shoulder and the truth.
i agree the unknown can be hurtful,
so come out from under your veil,
the shadows that you call home,
join me in the light, come.
life is not sensible, so why should we be?
if we didnt give into emotions, where would humans be?
what is worse, the unknown or the untrue?
i know men are men, but there are some who are pure and true.
Apr 13, 2014
Apr 13, 2014 at 12:33 PM UTC
brick by brick they build a dream house
cemented with respect, care, harmony, compromise
bit by bit a spectacular dream blossomed & wide it grew
lots of humour lots of mirth, plenty of caring;
too good to be true
up in the air it all was, she knew he knew
crumble it all will, she knew he knew
temptation too strong, uncertainties too great
too good to be true, life is never that straight
let it grow tall? let it grow wide? to see it explode?
the questions she ask, she can’t help ask; they're too loud
crumble now or later, what would hurt more?
she hurts too much as it is, without adding more;
trust, an issue to a large extent; kindness, true it cannot be!
a game of emotions, there is fear this all could be
a game has an end, a winner a loser, no doubt
losing never is fun, enough has been lost and fought
with a sorrowful heart, with a wretched numbness
wanting to say bye, asking for forgiveness
wanting to hang on all the same, no doubt selfishness!
cruel it will be to keep going, she knows! he knows?
Apr 12, 2014
Apr 12, 2014 at 9:37 AM UTC
the moment i see him 'up front'
my poor heart goes thud thud thud
my face hurts with the rush of the blood
excited, elated, jubilant and thrilled
what should i do? my breath I hold
should i say hi and risk being ignored
should i wait for him to take the lead
either way, leads to an uncertain road
i keep staring, and my mind takes a ride
the long journey we already had passed
full of mirth, yearning, conversations myriad
the affair he instigated and we both shaped
i start or he start, both happy and glad
when on the same wave length and band
unhappy when busy on the receiving end
longing and craving for the merry contentment
on days i don’t see him, my heart sinks to the end
the day becomes a chore, gets longwinded
can’t help wonder if the feeling is reciprocated
my unsaid want for him and his desires confessed
today, now, i see him and i hide as a coward
why? need reassurance he is not playing with my mind
whatever. i crave his words, his jokes and his touch
ethereal it is! but better than the real world
evoke his image & that’s all the reassurance i need
i go back to the page. click! & i’m a green dot
the mere gesture turning my face red
with excitement, ecstasy, thrill, & delight
Apr 9, 2014
Apr 9, 2014 at 11:21 AM UTC