shane-knubley - Hello Poetry

Depression is a funny feeling, More so because it's not a feeling. Depression can best be described as a weight, A weight that is exclusive to an individual, A weight that you must carry on your shoulders every grueling, painful, dreadful day. It's crippling, Dragging you down to an excruciating low and proceeding to stomp on your ribs whilst you gasp for the crisp taste of air, struggling to breathe Restricting the flow of oxygen to the ceaseless fire inside your heart It's invisible, Not noticeable by the human eye, out of our perception. A condition that nobody will be able to comprehend until you open yourself up like the centerfold of a book that has been awaited and anticipated for years by the populace. It's misunderstood, They think that it's a mindset that has been ingrained into your thick skull through the years, "It gets better,", an infuriating phrase that you hear everyday which drives you to the edge and puts you on the edge of your seat, wanting to let out all that pent up rage, But that's too much effort. It's a lack of motivation, Laying in bed pretending that you're ill just to avoid getting up and doing something with yourself. Distancing yourself from any potential social interaction because you don't want to bring another person into the cesspool of hatred and sadness that is your life. It's death, Slowly but surely delivering that final blow that pushes you over the metaphorical edge that marks the ceasing of your life. There's no cheating depression.

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Dec 17, 2013

Dec 17, 2013 at 9:05 PM UTC

Approaching Death

Depression is a funny feeling, More so because it's not a feeling. Depression can best be described as a weight, A weight that is exclusive to an individual, A weight that you must carry on your shoulders every grueling, painful, dreadful day. It's crippling, Dragging you down to an excruciating low and proceeding to stomp on your ribs whilst you gasp for the crisp taste of air, struggling to breathe Restricting the flow of oxygen to the ceaseless fire inside your heart It's invisible, Not noticeable by the human eye, out of our perception. A condition that nobody will be able to comprehend until you open yourself up like the centerfold of a book that has been awaited and anticipated for years by the populace. It's misunderstood, They think that it's a mindset that has been ingrained into your thick skull through the years, "It gets better,", an infuriating phrase that you hear everyday which drives you to the edge and puts you on the edge of your seat, wanting to let out all that pent up rage, But that's too much effort. It's a lack of motivation, Laying in bed pretending that you're ill just to avoid getting up and doing something with yourself. Distancing yourself from any potential social interaction because you don't want to bring another person into the cesspool of hatred and sadness that is your life. It's death, Slowly but surely delivering that final blow that pushes you over the metaphorical edge that marks the ceasing of your life. There's no cheating depression.

21

Her look is holding Her dreary and depressed eyes digging into me, perplexing The scarlet red rose petals that ring around her pupils entrance me She stands tall, strong and contained Strong like the world trade before it was struck down against it's will She's only awaiting her time She puts on a good act Nobody can tell that Behind her strength and pseudo-bliss hides a lifetime of sadness and self-hatred The perpetual clock dictating her existence ticks endlessly until she too falls to the ground Inevitable. Masks her bottomless pool of insecurities with a smile Compensating for them with a false ego the size of the sun Acts like she is better than everyone But she knows that she's not Her mind set on keeping all the feelings hidden She rejects help Neglects the ones who care Thinks she can do it all by herself But we know that she can't Her wrists full of scars and regret Her eyes like an endlessly flowing water fountain Caught in a recurring state of despair Despite all the people who love and who care "Everyday is a battle", I tell her, hoping that she will open to me "And it's mine to fight", she replies aggresively I try to share with her my days I subtlely urge her to do the same I want to help her heart to mend So all her hate and pain can end.

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Dec 11, 2013

Dec 11, 2013 at 3:14 PM UTC

Observation of Self-destruction

Her look is holding Her dreary and depressed eyes digging into me, perplexing The scarlet red rose petals that ring around her pupils entrance me She stands tall, strong and contained Strong like the world trade before it was struck down against it's will She's only awaiting her time She puts on a good act Nobody can tell that Behind her strength and pseudo-bliss hides a lifetime of sadness and self-hatred The perpetual clock dictating her existence ticks endlessly until she too falls to the ground Inevitable. Masks her bottomless pool of insecurities with a smile Compensating for them with a false ego the size of the sun Acts like she is better than everyone But she knows that she's not Her mind set on keeping all the feelings hidden She rejects help Neglects the ones who care Thinks she can do it all by herself But we know that she can't Her wrists full of scars and regret Her eyes like an endlessly flowing water fountain Caught in a recurring state of despair Despite all the people who love and who care "Everyday is a battle", I tell her, hoping that she will open to me "And it's mine to fight", she replies aggresively I try to share with her my days I subtlely urge her to do the same I want to help her heart to mend So all her hate and pain can end.

30

grab that bottle of pills, prescribed to me treating my crippling anxiety open wide, two down the hatch but there is a little catch slowly killing me from the inside sooner or later my brain will be fried but on this medication I have to rely otherwise I get afraid I may die i get afraid of talking aloud, expressing myself anything conceivable scares me to death so i swallow them down day after day otherwise i'll continue to just hide away isolation and desolation sad and scared feelings in manifestation sitting down in a corner afraid of the world i know it's irrational but why won't it stop? it's only out to get me, step on me, hurt me the pills want to help me, pull me up, help me flee and that is why, when you continue to say "they're progressively killing you, more and more each day" as if i don't know that, i'm not that naive to think that these magic pills that help me to breathe only have pros and not any cons thinking that they will do me no wrong but if you were me, you'd do the same thing it's excrutiatingly hard when you struggle to bring yourself out of bed every single morning, afraid of the daylight, you heed your own warning afraid of everything imaginable and so whenever i struggle to get out of bed i grab that bottle and i open wide and i throw two down the hatch

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Nov 29, 2013

Nov 29, 2013 at 11:33 AM UTC

Klonopin

grab that bottle of pills, prescribed to me treating my crippling anxiety open wide, two down the hatch but there is a little catch slowly killing me from the inside sooner or later my brain will be fried but on this medication I have to rely otherwise I get afraid I may die i get afraid of talking aloud, expressing myself anything conceivable scares me to death so i swallow them down day after day otherwise i'll continue to just hide away isolation and desolation sad and scared feelings in manifestation sitting down in a corner afraid of the world i know it's irrational but why won't it stop? it's only out to get me, step on me, hurt me the pills want to help me, pull me up, help me flee and that is why, when you continue to say "they're progressively killing you, more and more each day" as if i don't know that, i'm not that naive to think that these magic pills that help me to breathe only have pros and not any cons thinking that they will do me no wrong but if you were me, you'd do the same thing it's excrutiatingly hard when you struggle to bring yourself out of bed every single morning, afraid of the daylight, you heed your own warning afraid of everything imaginable and so whenever i struggle to get out of bed i grab that bottle and i open wide and i throw two down the hatch

36

blankly staring at a shelf speaking softly to myself lying on my sweat stained bed voices rushing through my head recurring, frequent, loud feel the need to make them proud always wanting more from me “Very soon we’ll set you free” pseudo-hope, another day they will never go away messy hair, poorly groomed isolated in my room by myself but not alone voices make their presence known indecisive, powerless sweet release comes with death’s kiss reality – I’ll never find when I get lost inside my mind

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Oct 31, 2013

Oct 31, 2013 at 11:26 PM UTC

voices on a loop

blankly staring at a shelf speaking softly to myself lying on my sweat stained bed voices rushing through my head recurring, frequent, loud feel the need to make them proud always wanting more from me “Very soon we’ll set you free” pseudo-hope, another day they will never go away messy hair, poorly groomed isolated in my room by myself but not alone voices make their presence known indecisive, powerless sweet release comes with death’s kiss reality – I’ll never find when I get lost inside my mind

18

sitting on a street corner stupid drunk off black lager ****** mood, no food washed up, out of luck always high, never dry one more hit to feel alive drinking away every cent struggling to pay the rent start to steal from next of kin anything to blaze again living in a constant peril eyes becoming fierce and feral focused on the next high there’s no reason to survive stuck in stages of denial passerby’s all call you vile waking up covered in bile you can’t make that extra mile settle for less, aspire for more life is full of open doors with a little hint of effort everything could be much better trying hard to just ignore when ****** buddies offer more get up, turn, and walk away this isn’t how your life will stay things could be charming and happy and swell you can escape reality’s hell it doesn’t take a genius to show or tell cynical hatred never does well so turn down the needles and pass on the pills you’ll feel so much better, I promise you will don’t let your negative side consume you allow the positive light to shine through

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Oct 18, 2013

Oct 18, 2013 at 5:44 PM UTC

Walk Away

sitting on a street corner stupid drunk off black lager ****** mood, no food washed up, out of luck always high, never dry one more hit to feel alive drinking away every cent struggling to pay the rent start to steal from next of kin anything to blaze again living in a constant peril eyes becoming fierce and feral focused on the next high there’s no reason to survive stuck in stages of denial passerby’s all call you vile waking up covered in bile you can’t make that extra mile settle for less, aspire for more life is full of open doors with a little hint of effort everything could be much better trying hard to just ignore when ****** buddies offer more get up, turn, and walk away this isn’t how your life will stay things could be charming and happy and swell you can escape reality’s hell it doesn’t take a genius to show or tell cynical hatred never does well so turn down the needles and pass on the pills you’ll feel so much better, I promise you will don’t let your negative side consume you allow the positive light to shine through

34

Feel it building Manifesting Heart is beating Feel like screaming Blood pressure raising Eyes are gleaming About to start swinging Look like **** Losing it I just want to ******* quit Look around, empty room Why's it all so god **** gloom Body shaking Head is aching Feels like the whole Earth is quaking Fists are clenched About to wretch Why can this thirst not be quenched Flailing fists into the wall Gonna just break down and bawl Anger filling up my brain Adrenaline flowing through my veins I cannot be ******* tamed I'm about to go insane Knuckles bloodied Out of breath Anger makes us feel like death

0

Oct 18, 2013

Oct 18, 2013 at 12:54 PM UTC

Anger

Feel it building Manifesting Heart is beating Feel like screaming Blood pressure raising Eyes are gleaming About to start swinging Look like **** Losing it I just want to ******* quit Look around, empty room Why's it all so god **** gloom Body shaking Head is aching Feels like the whole Earth is quaking Fists are clenched About to wretch Why can this thirst not be quenched Flailing fists into the wall Gonna just break down and bawl Anger filling up my brain Adrenaline flowing through my veins I cannot be ******* tamed I'm about to go insane Knuckles bloodied Out of breath Anger makes us feel like death

27

War is a concept of the mind And we might find that humankind May appear to be so blind, people killed as we blink our eyes Dying soldiers lost and found Putting our brothers in the ground So this is our time to remember The heroic men that fought to the end or The ones that died, brave and strong Forced into battle to end the wrong They fought for our freedom for so long They made us feel like we belong Despite the fact that we may feel That war is a pseudo-mechanism for peace We look to the past to change our ways For future peace in later days Our armies keep growing But at the rate we are going We bear witness to what war is showing That war never changes.

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Oct 18, 2013

Oct 18, 2013 at 11:53 AM UTC

War Never Changes

War is a concept of the mind And we might find that humankind May appear to be so blind, people killed as we blink our eyes Dying soldiers lost and found Putting our brothers in the ground So this is our time to remember The heroic men that fought to the end or The ones that died, brave and strong Forced into battle to end the wrong They fought for our freedom for so long They made us feel like we belong Despite the fact that we may feel That war is a pseudo-mechanism for peace We look to the past to change our ways For future peace in later days Our armies keep growing But at the rate we are going We bear witness to what war is showing That war never changes.

19

Every single one of us has our own perception and definition of perfection and beauty. My definition of perfection and beauty is simplistic, but at the same time is insanely intricate and alluring. My definition of perfection and beauty is her: her riveting smile, her luscious brown hair, the glint of her admirable brown eyes, so perplexing and captivating. She is different, not quite like all the other girls. Something about her makes her stand out. Could it be her inspiring and enchanting positive attitude? Or could it be her constant yet elegant and exceptional charismatic display of intellect and wisdom? Whatever it is, it’s entrancing and spectacular, constantly forcing me to crack a genuine and stimulating smile, even when I may not be feeling the greatest. The feeling she makes me feel when she’s present is indescribable through words; it’s a feeling that can only be truly understood through enduring it. There is only one word to truly describe how I feel whenever I talk to her, and that is bliss. I may be naïve to believe that I am deeply in love with her, but that intense smile and sense of self-worth I feel when I talk to her tells me otherwise. She gives off similar vibes, leading me to believe that she may feel the same way about me as I do her. When she displays affection towards me, my face turns slightly red and inevitably, I smile like an idiot. When I talk with her, everything feels at ease, and I don’t ever have a single worry on my mind. Every single one of us has our own description of perfection and beauty. My definition of perfection and beauty is her, and she’s the perfection and beauty that I need.

0

Oct 17, 2013

Oct 17, 2013 at 11:42 PM UTC

A Definition of Perfection and Beauty

Every single one of us has our own perception and definition of perfection and beauty. My definition of perfection and beauty is simplistic, but at the same time is insanely intricate and alluring. My definition of perfection and beauty is her: her riveting smile, her luscious brown hair, the glint of her admirable brown eyes, so perplexing and captivating. She is different, not quite like all the other girls. Something about her makes her stand out. Could it be her inspiring and enchanting positive attitude? Or could it be her constant yet elegant and exceptional charismatic display of intellect and wisdom? Whatever it is, it’s entrancing and spectacular, constantly forcing me to crack a genuine and stimulating smile, even when I may not be feeling the greatest. The feeling she makes me feel when she’s present is indescribable through words; it’s a feeling that can only be truly understood through enduring it. There is only one word to truly describe how I feel whenever I talk to her, and that is bliss. I may be naïve to believe that I am deeply in love with her, but that intense smile and sense of self-worth I feel when I talk to her tells me otherwise. She gives off similar vibes, leading me to believe that she may feel the same way about me as I do her. When she displays affection towards me, my face turns slightly red and inevitably, I smile like an idiot. When I talk with her, everything feels at ease, and I don’t ever have a single worry on my mind. Every single one of us has our own description of perfection and beauty. My definition of perfection and beauty is her, and she’s the perfection and beauty that I need.

16

The grimness of our lives That dim look in our eyes Everything so overwhelming Makes us feel like it's all ending The ***** looks that we despise The voices like to stay disguised The comments want to make us cry All we want is to end our lives Another 'friend', another lie Spewing sugar-coated fiction Makes us turn to nicotine Stupid cigarette addictions We’ve lost our soul mates in the fire Our hearts and minds are causing friction Another cut - another burn Another step towards eviction Another pill, another bottle, Headed in the wrong direction Another gun, another bullet, All it takes is one bad second **** the gun, pull the trigger, And all this of this could be ended It’s a shame but what to do? Some broken hearts just can't be mended.

0

Oct 17, 2013

Oct 17, 2013 at 11:37 PM UTC

Slipping

The grimness of our lives That dim look in our eyes Everything so overwhelming Makes us feel like it's all ending The ***** looks that we despise The voices like to stay disguised The comments want to make us cry All we want is to end our lives Another 'friend', another lie Spewing sugar-coated fiction Makes us turn to nicotine Stupid cigarette addictions We’ve lost our soul mates in the fire Our hearts and minds are causing friction Another cut - another burn Another step towards eviction Another pill, another bottle, Headed in the wrong direction Another gun, another bullet, All it takes is one bad second **** the gun, pull the trigger, And all this of this could be ended It’s a shame but what to do? Some broken hearts just can't be mended.

24