*If heaven's grief brings hell's reign,
Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday*
I guess ever since
I closed my heart
I turned into
The Snow Queen;
A heart of ice
That couldn't be moved
No matter how many
Tried their luck
And I prided myself in that
Cold
I prided myself in that
Calm
I prided myself in that
Darkness:
That lack of emotion;
A stone
Cold
Heart
Then you came along.
Perhaps it was the way
You talked
Perhaps it was the way
You walked
Or maybe it was the way
You made me laugh
Or maybe even
How you really seemed to be
My other half
Just like the Snow Queen
I saw it coming
And when you popped
The Question,
For the first time
I accepted.
I didn't think it'd do much
To my heart
And I knew you'd have to leave
In a couple of years
And I thought
I could take it
With full control
But who'd have known
With every second you spent with me
Like that young man
You slowly melted
The ice in my heart.
You broke down
The walls I'd built around myself
You made me feel
Safe
In the fort of your arms
You gave me back
My smile.
Gone were the days
Where I'd felt tired
Gone were the days
Where I contemplated never waking up
Again
Gone were the days
Where I felt alone
Gone were the days
Where I wanted
To die.
You truly made me feel
Loved
And I couldn't
Thank you enough
For that.
A blessing in my life
That has no price;
And can never be
Replaced.
Everyone could tell
Something was up
I was smiling
Way too much.
I'd sworn the year before
I'd never fall for someone
So soon
But I guess
I did.
Yes.
I fell in love
With you.
I was a little afraid
But
You were always there
To make sure that
You'd catch me.
So when I heard
That you were leaving
Much earlier
I was stunned.
I sat there
On the bus
Not looking at my phone
Or out the window
Or at anything
Back then
You said
"Maybe, but highly likely"
I had secretly hoped
That maybe
Just maybe
You could stay.
But obviously,
It didn't turn out that way.
My brain had registered it
Long before
But now, its protection isn't enough
For my heart
Anymore.
Without its armour
It can feel
Everything.
The distance
Feels like a string
Tied to something somewhere
Inside my chest
Pulling
Pulling
Pulling it towards
A vast emptiness
Threatening to tear
It into pieces
It suffocates
Holding back a scream
A scream that echoes
Unheard,
Resonating through
My body.
*It's funny how I/we don't show
All this while our friends
Seem to be panicking
Way more
Than we are.
I guess we're just not good
With feelings*
But I guess panicking
And getting angry
And throwing a tantrum
And crying
And turning into
A mess
Wouldn't help much
And would probably
Hurt you
Even more than you already
Are.
Words echoed through my head
Words I never told you:
"Why do you have to go?
Do you really have to go?
I need you.
Don't go.
Can't you
Stay?
Please?"
The days we have left together
Are numbered
They can be counted
On one hand.
It'll be ages
Before we get to hold
Each other again.
I'll miss you
A lot.
I'll miss
Your smell
I'll miss
The warmth of your body
Against mine
I'll miss
Sitting across the table from you
Staring at each other before
Breaking into laughter
I'll miss
The sound of your heartbeat
When I lean against your chest
I'll miss
The warmth of your
Giant hands
That envelop mine
I'll miss our tickle wars
How you'd sometimes let me win
Even though you're many times stronger
And
I'll miss
The taste of your lips
When they meet
Mine
We'll have Skype calls
And stuff
But
It's not the same.
But hey,
It'll have to do.
And I'll keep all these memories
Carefully
Record them down
Maybe pull them out
Each night
Before I sleep.
Till I can hold you in my arms again,
I'll hold you
In my heart.
It's not going to be easy
On either of us
But if you'll have me,
I'll wait for you
No matter how long it takes,
Hold onto your hand
And never let it go.
In distance we may be apart,
But never will we be at heart.
Though it has come to this
I have no regrets
Because
You're the best thing that's happened
In my life.
Thank you for all the memories
And for coming into my life.
I love you.
Nov 8, 2015
Nov 8, 2015 at 12:43 PM UTC
Maybe you just don't see
My hand stretching out for you, you know?
Apr 12, 2014
Apr 12, 2014 at 2:36 PM UTC
If you don't tell me
What you want and how
Then what would I know?
Apr 12, 2014
Apr 12, 2014 at 1:51 PM UTC
It has come
To that point in time
Where I don't want
To get
Up
Just lose myself
In someone else's
World
That doesn't exist
Where I don't want
To get
Out
Of that
Comforting
Cocoon
Where I feel at home
Where I don't want
To get
Up
And face all that
Again.
Feb 4, 2014
Feb 4, 2014 at 9:18 AM UTC
Im sorry.
I really am.
But I am entitled
To some angst.
Yes?
Life isn't nice
To anyone.
That's why I chose
To keep mum.
Cause what I face
Is what everyone else faces.
It's the same.
And maybe why
Im sick of all these
"Hidden"
Cliches
Is that
No one
Can see mine
And that
They're there
At all
When nothings even happened.
I (pretty much) broke his promise
And his bet
Even so
I'll still be here/there
Very same place
You know where to find
Without the maybe
What I need is time
So leave me be
Once again
Im sorry.
"Dear valued customer,
We apologize for any of the hurt caused. Neither are we being caustic.
We are pleased to inform you that your ______ is now legible for replacement...."
Jan 4, 2014
Jan 4, 2014 at 11:14 AM UTC
Shadow
Where I've been hiding
All my life
Shadow
All things dark and nasty
Kept away inside
Shadow
A past that clings on
Refusing to let go
Shadow
The fragment of the self;
A vague, immaterial copy
Shadow
A silent companion
Always by your side
Shadow...
Dec 25, 2013
Dec 25, 2013 at 8:31 AM UTC
Shadows
* Memories
A past
The darker side Desolation
The Immaterial
*
All but the shadow
Fades
I am not who once I used to be.
Dec 20, 2013
Dec 20, 2013 at 10:13 PM UTC
The door
Closes
And is locked
And sealed
I don't know
How I'm going to
Do this
But somehow
I should break off
Staunch these flames
That I restarted
Just like that
One-way window
You look through
And here I stand facing a mirror
I'm smiling
And I'm pretty sure
You can see it
But if it's distance
You're gonna keep,
This distance it's gonna stay
No worries
I keep to lines drawn
And I need a reset
A reset of my principles
A reset of my rules
A reset of myself
Sep 22, 2013
Sep 22, 2013 at 12:13 PM UTC