i've never been more confused,
tears,
feeling like i've been used
tired of smiling and being someone i'm not,
stop,
been hiding the cuts with the jerseys and long sleeved tops
and,
i feel a little more destroyed every day
because it consumes me and apparently that won't take my pain away,
stay,
i know you're there
but it's easier to die even though i know you care
you're going to have to learn to let me go
there was nothing in my mental world that you didn't know
so,
i'm here right now and i'm begging you bro,
i do care about you, to the moon and back
so how was i to tell you that everywhere i go, i'm having panic attacks
and there's no planning for that
depression and anxiety are two soldiers stronger than me
and i'm trying to tell you that honestly
i have no fight left in me
would you rather have me go starting a riot
and leave this world, peace and quiet
i'm a prisoner of my own mind
trapped in there by my own kind
i know you're trying to keep me alive
but deep down, i don't think i'll survive
so why would i let you in my mind, so you can die too but this time by my own hand?
be a foreigner in my land?
our time is up and i know that you're furious
curious,
wondering how could i ever do this to us
frustrated on what ever happened to trust
but this is a lifelong neglection
to my clinical depression
Apr 25, 2020
Apr 25, 2020 at 1:43 PM UTC
i’m sorry,
i’m sorry i created a dungeon of agony and i can’t lie and say it wasn’t my intention
i’m sorry, i pierced you and slit you open then turned around and blamed my depression
i’m sorry i tried so hard to make sure you didn’t survive while you tried so hard to keep me alive
in all my attempts to die, you fought so hard to defy my wishes and you kept breathing
body, i am sorry i tried to eliminate you and ****** you, but you just kept on healing
i owe you an apology for being at war with you all this time when i should have loved you because you’re mine
you begged me to be kind to you and treat you with care as i should and all i ever did was decline
i’m sorry, you deserve better, which is why i am writing you this letter, i shouldn’t have been your jailor
i now realise how precious you are and i vow to be your caretaker, your saviour
there were nights i screamed at you and told you to just let me die
there were nights i was so angry that i burned my throat yelling and watched you cry
thank you, because you never stopped fighting for me
i’m done trying to hurt you when you’ve loved me
i’m saying this honestly, and i hope you forgive me
i’m sorry dear body.
Apr 23, 2020
Apr 23, 2020 at 2:02 AM UTC