I felt the weight of the world
I woke up with warm blood in my veins
my gasp shattered the stained glass windows my heart began again, quickening
To catch up on it's time
once borrowed, twice lost
This time, a precious gift
It was beating,
like some kind of force to be reckoned with
I had been living like I was comatose,
the wishing, the earth bound spirit
the man with a lock on his broken heart
a shape shifter
we built a dungeon to haunt
fear in my love, I fell silent
I heard things, sometimes
I dreamt, a lot
And I thought I was going places
Moving,
Happening
it was all a flimsy figment, a nightmare
until I ran far, far away,
And opened my eyes for the last time,
realizing I was still alive,
realizing I always was
Thanking goddess for life support
as I was about to sleep walk off the tallest roof when the angel of sanity arrived
I'd become a ghost in his shadow
my grave was a place I was searching for four years
cause in my mind I thought I might find everyone who loved me, there
One day I gave myself a scare
my temple hopelessly bound to my sins
I was convicted
as I felt a supernova in my chest
pinprick of the arm, the plunge,
and then
the feeling of the word "die"
I swam to stand up after,
my lungs told me
they were black, sick and tired of breathing
my heart kicked
when I hadn't the breath to scream
I crawled until I caught my breath
threw my shoe box in the closet
made it down the stairs
and then knew I was okay
I wasn't sure I would ever sleep again after that
What I was sure of, was that
I was given a chance
I could not stay awake forever and wait for help
I didn't have the heart to ask
a part of me that I hate was ambivalent about living in misunderstandment
living in this world
I kept moving, finally alone
I dropped to my knees
I prayed, crying on the eve of my 22nd birthday
watching the sky from my patch of grass
I heard booming thunder
the sky was crimson and violet
Knowing this was foreshadowing
Divine intervention
I took it upon myself to make the world understand my god-forsaken storm
I stayed up all night again, screaming out
Like emergency sirens
Morning bloomed
I took a walk to a place I felt safe
they came and saved me, I was put away
There was no cake or celebration,
But finally, I fell sleep
I wish I could tell you
I've been awake ever since
However,
I have mostly drifted in and out of consciousness
Jan 15, 2021
Jan 15, 2021 at 1:47 PM UTC
Demons rear their heads
Eyes deep with sincere vacancy
You speak beside me in tongues
I feel warm, they are all familiar
But it is not my fight to fight
I am going mad
I strike a match to you
So dark, I can hardly see
Come here, please
I wanna feel your heart
Beat
Say you want to run away
As long as you'd take
me with you
Say it with conviction
Spit it out,
Grab me by the throat
And I will loosen my leash
A sun in your sky
Not what you need
Mesmerizing
I see light in you
As you take mine in, in sips
Cue the solar eclipse
As we fade into the night
My psychopathic delight
We're all just in this for the fight
You kiss the hollow of my cheek
Tell me how I am so unique
And I chase my tail for you,
All hopped up on emotion
Just a Lonely girl with
some divine notions
Let it fall apart, baby
Cause you know
I will just blame it
on the Starless Night
Say "Fight the good fight",
Thank you, for the scars
On my broken heart
Jul 3, 2018
Jul 3, 2018 at 2:17 AM UTC