A scorching fire
Body burned to third degree
The scars physical
Yet forever invisible
Watching as one burns away
Jul 31, 2016
Jul 31, 2016 at 8:08 PM UTC
Sitting behind a computer screen
Trying not to succumb to the temptations of self-loathing
Media has become the cause of my downfall
And the primary causation of self infliction
For months and years I thought and believed
That I was fine, that I was okay
But the slightest contemplation of death
Still brought me relief
I find my fingers running through the keys and letters
Scrolling past every page and article
The demons feed on the lack of confidence
The low self-esteem
And I, the degraded human being
I still set a goal for non-existence
A perfection too impossible to achieve
Yet I know that I’ll always be another face in the crowd
Another flame that’s about to die out
Another girl with too many scars,
Another girl bound to fall apart
n.j.
Jan 22, 2016
Jan 22, 2016 at 7:06 PM UTC
Who I am in my dreams
Is not who I am day to day
She is happier than I am ¬
And sees the world in positive light
Unlike me
Mind darting from thought to thought
A place so dark and unpleasant
With my mind so dead
But my body still so alive
In my dreams
I live
I want to turn my life around,
Yet I want everything to be over
I dream to be the best
Yet when it gets down to it
I believe it’s not possible
In my dreams
I am a happy go lucky person
I wish I could be.
In my life,
The sun shines
But only as the source of drought
For my serotonin.
I am stuck,
In this harsh reality
Of not seeing the good in these dreams.
In my dreams
I hold on to every last strand of life
Always smiling
Not holding in tears
But I’m like a scorching fire,
Body burned to the third degree
Scars physical or not will forever remain
But not in my dreams
Jan 14, 2016
Jan 14, 2016 at 11:50 PM UTC
Here in this world
Full of secrets
Of black and white
I just don’t fit
Locked up
Running on empty
Hiding my color
In a heart
Deep inside
Great light shines
Silent and yet invisible.
Through pain and sorrow
Space and time
Merely surviving
Learning to thrive
Unmistakably strong
Yet no motivation
Falling hard
Shattering me
Helping put back the pieces
Trying to forget
I’m made of broken parts
The lasting assurance
that beyond the fears
I’m not alone
Acquiring the thought that I am seen and loved
This I now know.
Picking myself back up
Knowing I must stay
But it is hard
In this dark reality
Of black and white
Jan 14, 2016
Jan 14, 2016 at 11:46 PM UTC
I never knew
The world spun so fast
I held onto things too tight,
Making sure not to lose
The unplanned memories.
I tried to push out the negativity,
But I couldn’t,
I can’t let go
I sit there and watch as life whirls by,
As days turn to nights,
And a night to day,
Unable to release my grip on all
I’ve ever known.
Although it gave me blisters,
And my fingers would all ache,
I persevere and hoped that one-day things would change.
Always sure that holding on
Was worth the pain it takes.
I used to believe that letting go,
Meant losing a part of me.
That loosening the grip meant
Turning into a person my heart no longer knew.
Some how I figured out that I was the one
The one who needed to loosen the grip
In order to make the change possible.
I began to slowly open my hands
And watch as I dropped all I once knew
Although it felt like a journey from the sky to the drain
I ended up shattering on the grown
My soul became much lighter,
Instead of being filled with fear,
Letting go
Taught my heart that I can’t make everything
Last Forever
Nov 21, 2015
Nov 21, 2015 at 7:26 PM UTC