sarah-mae - Hello Poetry

on any given night i am the forgotten daughter i sit at the dinner table, where the food has been pushed away from me conversations starting and stopping in between food being shoveled in please pass the vegetables, answered with a loud sarcastic response i have become unwelcome in my home, i can feel the hatred shoving me to the door i wonder if i was ever welcome here, if this was ever my home everything that resembles me has dwindled away, never to be seen again if there was another place for me to dwell, i'd be there instead i sit alone in this cold room, listening to the clatter, the slams, and the yells. when i bring someone into this house they always feel only half welcomed they briefly feel the pain of my everyday life as time has passed i have realized i have no rights in this place i occupy i have trouble even calling it home anymore there is no other place for me to turn to no safe haven where i will be warm and fed the only release i have is sitting inside my car people see it as strange, the girl that sits in parking lots reading the girl that doesn't want to go home i have long lived through inquires about my location asking what parking lot i am in today strange that all my belongs are inside this room that isn't mine yet i only feel at home inside my car i returned today, to dinner made and a table set my mother set a place for me which she hasn't done in a long time i helped her with dinner as soon as my shoes were off we sat at the table, my father, mother and i there were no words spoken to me aside from one brief remark about the mashed potatoes my father, he sat reaching over my plate to grab whatever was in front of me there is no communication between us the tension is thick, this angry man can't even look his daughter in the eye when words finally hit the still air, i thought briefly, the three of us would converse. maybe a question about my day, maybe a remark about the letter from a college instead, the words that spilled from my fathers mouth were only about male family members, thousands of miles away. i am the forgotten daughter and i'm sitting right next to you i have overstayed my welcome, and that's clear to me now

0

Feb 28, 2012

Feb 28, 2012 at 9:38 PM UTC

sarah-mae

Untitled

on any given night i am the forgotten daughter i sit at the dinner table, where the food has been pushed away from me conversations starting and stopping in between food being shoveled in please pass the vegetables, answered with a loud sarcastic response i have become unwelcome in my home, i can feel the hatred shoving me to the door i wonder if i was ever welcome here, if this was ever my home everything that resembles me has dwindled away, never to be seen again if there was another place for me to dwell, i'd be there instead i sit alone in this cold room, listening to the clatter, the slams, and the yells. when i bring someone into this house they always feel only half welcomed they briefly feel the pain of my everyday life as time has passed i have realized i have no rights in this place i occupy i have trouble even calling it home anymore there is no other place for me to turn to no safe haven where i will be warm and fed the only release i have is sitting inside my car people see it as strange, the girl that sits in parking lots reading the girl that doesn't want to go home i have long lived through inquires about my location asking what parking lot i am in today strange that all my belongs are inside this room that isn't mine yet i only feel at home inside my car i returned today, to dinner made and a table set my mother set a place for me which she hasn't done in a long time i helped her with dinner as soon as my shoes were off we sat at the table, my father, mother and i there were no words spoken to me aside from one brief remark about the mashed potatoes my father, he sat reaching over my plate to grab whatever was in front of me there is no communication between us the tension is thick, this angry man can't even look his daughter in the eye when words finally hit the still air, i thought briefly, the three of us would converse. maybe a question about my day, maybe a remark about the letter from a college instead, the words that spilled from my fathers mouth were only about male family members, thousands of miles away. i am the forgotten daughter and i'm sitting right next to you i have overstayed my welcome, and that's clear to me now

36

There was a time when I wanted someone to love so badly I would stay up late at night imagining his face I would fall in love with the imaginary words he would say to me The graceful way his hands moved when he spoke A very comforting laugh that made the world stop I knew someday that he would stroll into my life, if I thought about it long enough Convinced that he was out there dreaming me up, we'd be together soon I wanted a man with deep thought, a warm and large heart Someone that would sing along with me, and be silent with me Knowing when to do each would be the difficult part But not for him - he would know me right away. We would laugh at how long it took us to find one another We had been so close for so long, how did we not see it? This man, this imaginary person that I have loved since my youth He has not come. I have been fooled thinking that he is alive in many others Eventually though my heart is betrayed and I see that it's not him. His shape and demeanor has changed over the years. I fear that I have altered this man so much that he is no longer capable of being real. If he is though, I'll find him eventually.

0

Sep 25, 2011

Sep 25, 2011 at 10:47 PM UTC

sarah-mae

Imaginary.

There was a time when I wanted someone to love so badly I would stay up late at night imagining his face I would fall in love with the imaginary words he would say to me The graceful way his hands moved when he spoke A very comforting laugh that made the world stop I knew someday that he would stroll into my life, if I thought about it long enough Convinced that he was out there dreaming me up, we'd be together soon I wanted a man with deep thought, a warm and large heart Someone that would sing along with me, and be silent with me Knowing when to do each would be the difficult part But not for him - he would know me right away. We would laugh at how long it took us to find one another We had been so close for so long, how did we not see it? This man, this imaginary person that I have loved since my youth He has not come. I have been fooled thinking that he is alive in many others Eventually though my heart is betrayed and I see that it's not him. His shape and demeanor has changed over the years. I fear that I have altered this man so much that he is no longer capable of being real. If he is though, I'll find him eventually.

20

there is a stigma that comes along with being me you look at me and you see a strong woman but really i'm a terrified girl. so many people have come in and out of my life they have misread my intentions they have misread my emotions they have thrown me away there is never the chance for romance there is never a chance for love you see me as such a strong outgoing soul but i'm not. i push myself out the door everyday i would rather lay around and be stale i just see things i want to change i just see people being mistreated and i want to help them i want to help them change their situations because i can't seem to change my own i want you to see me i want you to know me but i know that's not the reality we're meant to have.

0

Sep 12, 2011

Sep 12, 2011 at 3:10 PM UTC

sarah-mae

alone.

there is a stigma that comes along with being me you look at me and you see a strong woman but really i'm a terrified girl. so many people have come in and out of my life they have misread my intentions they have misread my emotions they have thrown me away there is never the chance for romance there is never a chance for love you see me as such a strong outgoing soul but i'm not. i push myself out the door everyday i would rather lay around and be stale i just see things i want to change i just see people being mistreated and i want to help them i want to help them change their situations because i can't seem to change my own i want you to see me i want you to know me but i know that's not the reality we're meant to have.

20

i have yet to set roots in anyone my mind and my body always wandering through the streets of foreign towns the only constant has been a vacant strip mall and interesting strangers the men i meet on these streets have come into my life like a storm their attention pouring down on me, drowning me nothing has ever compared though, to the feeling i get from you when i walked into his apartment i felt as though i'd been here before there was a man long ago, they could have been brothers two worlds colliding together right in front of my eyes i wasn't sure if i should hold on tight or run away the fire faded and i was left standing cold alone on another corner my heart was beating so fast i thought it would jump out of my chest how i could i let this happen again and where would i go from here there was nothing left to do but continue to walk away i walked down that street, got into my car and drove away finding a place to stay for the night because nothing feels like home anymore quickly adjusting my clothes and my attitude i picked myself up looking back now, i should have known better i should have seen the signs, but i was blinded by his intoxicating conversation once again. there was only one thing left to do waltz straight into that tall venue with friends at my side hand the girl with the pink and black hair my ticket and forget my troubles remember that your roots are not planted there they are in your heart and your heart belongs to the man on stage. that's the moment i realized that i was home.

0

Aug 28, 2011

Aug 28, 2011 at 6:50 PM UTC

sarah-mae

against me, saves me

i have yet to set roots in anyone my mind and my body always wandering through the streets of foreign towns the only constant has been a vacant strip mall and interesting strangers the men i meet on these streets have come into my life like a storm their attention pouring down on me, drowning me nothing has ever compared though, to the feeling i get from you when i walked into his apartment i felt as though i'd been here before there was a man long ago, they could have been brothers two worlds colliding together right in front of my eyes i wasn't sure if i should hold on tight or run away the fire faded and i was left standing cold alone on another corner my heart was beating so fast i thought it would jump out of my chest how i could i let this happen again and where would i go from here there was nothing left to do but continue to walk away i walked down that street, got into my car and drove away finding a place to stay for the night because nothing feels like home anymore quickly adjusting my clothes and my attitude i picked myself up looking back now, i should have known better i should have seen the signs, but i was blinded by his intoxicating conversation once again. there was only one thing left to do waltz straight into that tall venue with friends at my side hand the girl with the pink and black hair my ticket and forget my troubles remember that your roots are not planted there they are in your heart and your heart belongs to the man on stage. that's the moment i realized that i was home.

29

There has always been excuse made for the behavior my father has displayed. The mean spirited remarks at family gatherings, feelings hurt and egos bruised. Everyday routines have turned into the **** of a joke There is nothing you can do to stop it. He'll always be an ******* There once was a time when I wanted a relationship with my father. I used to try to find ways to communicate with him, in the plainest of ways. I tried for years but . . . Nothing ever worked, I failed every time. Spending your childhood afraid of a parent and never feeling loved It leaves you broken, and feeling unwanted. There were times when I looked at the father/daughter relationships all around Jealousy overcame me. I cried at night because my uncles were nicer, my grandfather was nicer. Little did I realize back then as a child that things would work out. I had father figures in my life, just not a father - I had many fathers. My seven uncles would protect me from everyone and everything. My grandfather would teach me to swim. I would get a love of the outdoors from them. I would learn to ride a bike, tie my shoe, mathematics, and self-defense. My father is still a hateful, passive aggressive man. Someone that no one truly wants to be around, I think sometimes that even the TV anchors despise him - Maybe they can hear him calling them names and yelling at them when they cant pronounce a word correctly. Time has passed by, I'm in college now. I'm a part of the International Honors Society. I've made the Dean's List every semester. My father has yet to acknowledge my accomplishments. Somedays it hurts, others I could care less. When I run into my uncles now, they see me two ways. The girl they helped raise, and the woman I have become. My uncles always greet me with a kiss hello and a compliment. I know they're proud of me, that's what matters. The man who is a seated statue in front of a big screen TV doesn't care The men who showed me the world and continue to encourage me do. I remind myself that I am more like them. They are the ones who raised me.

0

Aug 28, 2011

Aug 28, 2011 at 6:44 PM UTC

sarah-mae

Fathers

There has always been excuse made for the behavior my father has displayed. The mean spirited remarks at family gatherings, feelings hurt and egos bruised. Everyday routines have turned into the **** of a joke There is nothing you can do to stop it. He'll always be an ******* There once was a time when I wanted a relationship with my father. I used to try to find ways to communicate with him, in the plainest of ways. I tried for years but . . . Nothing ever worked, I failed every time. Spending your childhood afraid of a parent and never feeling loved It leaves you broken, and feeling unwanted. There were times when I looked at the father/daughter relationships all around Jealousy overcame me. I cried at night because my uncles were nicer, my grandfather was nicer. Little did I realize back then as a child that things would work out. I had father figures in my life, just not a father - I had many fathers. My seven uncles would protect me from everyone and everything. My grandfather would teach me to swim. I would get a love of the outdoors from them. I would learn to ride a bike, tie my shoe, mathematics, and self-defense. My father is still a hateful, passive aggressive man. Someone that no one truly wants to be around, I think sometimes that even the TV anchors despise him - Maybe they can hear him calling them names and yelling at them when they cant pronounce a word correctly. Time has passed by, I'm in college now. I'm a part of the International Honors Society. I've made the Dean's List every semester. My father has yet to acknowledge my accomplishments. Somedays it hurts, others I could care less. When I run into my uncles now, they see me two ways. The girl they helped raise, and the woman I have become. My uncles always greet me with a kiss hello and a compliment. I know they're proud of me, that's what matters. The man who is a seated statue in front of a big screen TV doesn't care The men who showed me the world and continue to encourage me do. I remind myself that I am more like them. They are the ones who raised me.

35

i've been wondering lately why i haven't been on the level my world seems tilted and uneasy at each turn there has been something missing from my life, and it's you the pounding on the hardwood floor directly in tune with the beat my foot stomping along the bass with an infectious tone and vibration better than any lover i have ever encountered your voice is raspy and your words are strong this is the point where i nearly lose my balance as the crowd pushes in on me rushing toward the stage for a moment i forgot we weren't alone once i realize the room is full it hits me again i'm taken back to the center stage and there you stand we are one. the crowd, you and i. it's a flicker in time when i know that we are all on the same page i put my arms around the two people next to me we are now singing and swaying, stomping and stumbling there is nothing like it in the world. people call me crazy, but you were my first love.

0

Aug 18, 2011

Aug 18, 2011 at 11:49 PM UTC

sarah-mae

folk-punk paradise.

i've been wondering lately why i haven't been on the level my world seems tilted and uneasy at each turn there has been something missing from my life, and it's you the pounding on the hardwood floor directly in tune with the beat my foot stomping along the bass with an infectious tone and vibration better than any lover i have ever encountered your voice is raspy and your words are strong this is the point where i nearly lose my balance as the crowd pushes in on me rushing toward the stage for a moment i forgot we weren't alone once i realize the room is full it hits me again i'm taken back to the center stage and there you stand we are one. the crowd, you and i. it's a flicker in time when i know that we are all on the same page i put my arms around the two people next to me we are now singing and swaying, stomping and stumbling there is nothing like it in the world. people call me crazy, but you were my first love.

19