the pursuit of happiness
it's the one thing every human on earth has in common
some want to be rich
some want to be healthy
some want to have power
but if you look at the deeper meaning
it's because they believe that will bring them happiness
everyone wants to be happy
but for some it's not so easy
some people live their whole lives and only feel happiness a number of times that they can count on one hand
and others live their whole lives with that feeling of warmth, love, and contentment
i used to be in the former group
i had felt pure, true happiness 3, maybe 4, times in my entire life
but things are different now
they're so much better
and now i find myself slipping into the latter
i find myself waking up, glad to be alive, to start a new day
i find myself feeling that warmth spreading from my chest all the way down to my toes
i find myself going to sleep with a small smile gracing my lips because i simply can't help it
tears of joy have fled my eyes simply from the pure emotions i feel
i've never felt so complete in my life as i do right now
this journey wasn't easy
i lost my way so many times
i came so close to giving up
but it worked out in the end
because that's how it was meant to be
and i'd written about those sparse moments of happiness
that fleeting feeling i'd experienced
but there's no need for anymore happiness pt. 1 or 2 or so on
because i've reached happiness pt. infinity
and this joy is no longer fleeting
no longer a rarity
it's a constant in my life
a constant that will stay for the rest of my life
because now that i have it
i'm never letting go
Aug 1, 2019
Aug 1, 2019 at 9:41 AM UTC
i feel beautiful
for the first time
in my entire life
i can’t tear my eyes away from my reflection
but for the first moment ever
it’s not out of disgust
what a strange experience
to look in the mirror
and smile
to not only accept what i see
but appreciate it as well
to see beauty in myself
i spin around in my dress
and giggle
as it flows around me
i stare
and stare
and stare
is this the same person?
is this really me?
is this how others see me?
i’ve spent so long hating myself
and this whole time
i’ve been this beautiful?
tears fill my eyes
as i realize how foolish i’ve been
how could i not know that i was this girl in the mirror?
i bask in the moment
knowing it won’t last
but appreciating it all the same
i’ll have to take the dress off eventually
and i’ll look at myself
and hate what i see
but for right now
i feel beautiful
i am beautiful
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 8:31 PM UTC
is this the end?
god i hope so
i've been waiting
so long
for it to come
i'll admit
i've tried
to reach it
prematurely
but it hasn't worked
i suppose
the end will come for you
when it is your time
and i feel in my bones
that now
now is my time
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 8:23 PM UTC
the woods behind that house
her piercing stare that knows all your secrets
dragonflies flying around
her obnoxious yet charming socks
singing without a care in the world
nature
your childhood home
naps in the middle of the day
the feeling when you’ve just cleaned your room
telling stories around the campfire
her gait through the fields
barefaced and beautiful
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 8:21 PM UTC
tanning at the beach
pigtails paired with []
banana cream pie
the way her eyes squint in the sunlight
playing with a puppy
cross country road trips in an old van
the stars shining down at night
the secrets of the moon
sitting criss cross applesauce
going to grandma’s for the weekend
her blindingly bright smile
a soft piano melody
innocent kisses
children running around the park
tiptoeing across the room
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 8:12 PM UTC
the clearest water you’ll ever see
her eyes in the sunlight
artificial flavoring
the neighbor’s hydrangeas
a cloudless summer day
wonder of what will come next
ringing laughter
carefree teenagers
that small coffee shop on the corner
the smell of a new book
the way she spins in circles until she’s dizzy
catching her when she falls
tears of joy
dancing until 2 am
an endless summer
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 8:03 PM UTC
delicate petals
bubblegum popping
shiny lipgloss
that knowing glance
her miniskirt
streaks in her braided hair
freshly painted nails
sunsets in the summertime
her nose on a cold winter day
that blush when shy
strawberry cupcakes
colorful converse
that lovely feeling inside
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 7:50 PM UTC
cotton candy on coney island
marshmallows warmed by the fire
like biting into a cloud
freshly fluffed pillows
flowers blooming in springtime
that one girl’s pastel hair
a teenager’s bedroom, complete with posters and stuffed animals galore
a casual, flowing dress
retro sunglasses
the smile she gives when complimented
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 7:45 PM UTC
i'm convinced that
the letter J is cursed
for me at least
the people that i've hurt
the people that have hurt me
all have that one similarity
there have been nine so far
nine Js in my life
and i've vowed to never let another one in
Js are toxic for me
not for everyone
but for me, certainly
i know it’s a bit prejudiced and unfair
to avoid people
simply because of their name
however i’ve taken the risk too many times
and it always ends the same
so until proven otherwise
the letter J is infernal
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 7:38 PM UTC
one of my best friends
was named mia
we met when i was in fifth grade
although she didn't tell me her name then
she gave me a smile instead
and said not to worry about it
and so i didn't
and mia and i grew closer and closer
we became inseparable
i was not myself without her
i kept my friendship with mia a secret
because although i didn't want to admit it
i knew she was a bad influence from the start
i knew she was toxic
but even so
she made me feel better
i could always go to her when i was upset
and she would know just what to do
when people found out about mia
they tried to keep us apart
but it was too late
we'd already become one and the same
and so i pretended
i pretended that mia had left me
i convinced everyone around me
but it was all a lie
she wasn’t gone
i thought that she would never be gone
although i didn’t want mia in my life anymore
i knew that she was there to stay
it wasn’t up to me anymore
mia had taken control
i simply submitted to her
and did her bidding
but it wasn’t really that bad
she did help me out every now and then
she would pretend to give me control
and it made me feel powerful
in my mind
i knew that i was never truly in control
but it was comforting to imagine
to makebelieve for just a moment
time has passed
and i am finally alone
but the loneliness doesn’t hurt
because i know now
one of my worst friends
was named mia
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 7:35 PM UTC