i want to scream.
i want to cry.
i want to feel something other than the numbness that's overtaken my thoughts for the past 2 months.
i want to tell the people how they hurt me,
how they made me sob on sleepless nights until no more tears came out.
i want to conquer my fears, anxieties
but no.
i'm ******* numb.
why is the only thing i can think about pain?
i don't truly want to end it all
i just want to feel alive again.
Jun 18, 2020
Jun 18, 2020 at 3:12 AM UTC
11:11
is my favorite time.
a time for sweet hopes for the future
as i fall asleep once more.
i just wish that once in a while,
they'd come true
May 19, 2020
May 19, 2020 at 2:07 AM UTC
you are
my sunshine.
my love.
my rock.
my protector.
my big spoon.
you are the reason
for my smiles.
for the laughter through my tears.
for my sweet dreams.
for my hope and optimism in hard times.
i can't wait to marry you
May 19, 2020
May 19, 2020 at 2:06 AM UTC
guess what kids
someday you're going to find out the real truth about life.
"what is it?" you ask!
the truth is
people ******* lie
and the only person they really care about
is themselves.
Apr 26, 2020
Apr 26, 2020 at 7:00 PM UTC
today i write
not a poem, but a sort of story.
last weekend at about this time exactly,
i contacted the national suicide hotline.
i wasn't suicidal, necessarily,
but i sure as hell wasn't safe to myself.
i spent that night crying, reading stories of recovery while i waited.
i stopped the chat request when i was next in line because the wait time was too long,
and went to bed in a dark room almost as dark as my mind,
a late night call to my love only a temporary help for my suffering.
the next morning
i felt the same.
a bit later i contacted the helpline again.
this time i let the chat connect.
we talked, i was able to unload.
and after that,
for the first time in a long time,
i felt peaceful, and not only that
but like i could truly fight again.
i guess what i'm trying to say here is
there is a way out.
there is hope.
it looks different for everyone, and it may be hard.
but don't
stop
fighting.
you are loved. <3
Apr 18, 2020
Apr 18, 2020 at 1:36 AM UTC
relationships aren't always 50/50 on give and take.
sometimes you need to pick it up for the other person,
and they do the same to you.
but lately it feels like i need you 80, and you need me way more than 20.
and i don't know how much more of me i have to give.
i feel like i'm disappearing.
Apr 11, 2020
Apr 11, 2020 at 2:41 AM UTC
this **** quarantine
is keeping me from getting
my daily dose of cuddles!!!!
Apr 10, 2020
Apr 10, 2020 at 12:43 AM UTC
after 15 years of pretending
she finally found the strength
to be who she was made to be.
Apr 4, 2020
Apr 4, 2020 at 2:50 AM UTC
she straightened her hair
and painted her face with
just the right concoction.
she picked out her clothes
staring at her closet with
nerves and anger.
for once, she just wanted
someone to love her
all of her
not the made up, revealing, night on the town her.
the real her.
sweatpants, messy bun her.
she wanted the freedom to be real.
Apr 4, 2020
Apr 4, 2020 at 2:48 AM UTC
i love you
i love the nicknames you call me,
and the cutesy things we do.
but i also love when you're completely focused
in your element, and i can stare at you in awe.
i love how you've never been afraid to speak your mind,
and how you make me feel safe in every situation.
i love it when you sing to make me smile
and tell stories to make me laugh.
most of all, i love how
somehow, in this mixed up world
we found each other
and never looked back.
Apr 4, 2020
Apr 4, 2020 at 2:44 AM UTC