You sit down with a pen and
expect words to flow out
effortlessly,
like butterflies exploding from your fingertips.
You expect them to be beautiful,
filled with crystals and blue eyes.
They come out like anvils, heavy and gray.
Devoid of emotion.
“Really Skinny” he says.
That’s how he likes his girls.
He says this to the size six,
ex-bulimic, who has been having a hard time
eating this week.
“really skinny”
And so, a sandwich a day becomes
enough.
Because if he wants “really skinny”
everyone else must too.
And if he doesn’t want you,
no one will.
He says he is unworthy of love-
incapable of being loved.
But, it is you he is describing.
It is you.
Because you are good for kissing
and you are good for licking.
You are good for cuddling,
particularly senza clothing.
You are good for rubbing backs
and running painted fingers through
hair.
You are good for passing time.
You are good for comforting.
You are good for *******
But you are not good for love.
You will never be good for love.
You don’t know how to be good for love
until it charges onto your doorstep
like a raging bull;
until it is intrusive and you have
no choice
but to be
good for love.
Then, you are only good for so long
Only until someone else is better.
And then, you are good for *******
Feb 25, 2016
Feb 25, 2016 at 7:57 AM UTC
I wish I had a better answer
for your questions every night.
I wish I could tell you,
that I'm really not alright.
But how does one bring up,
the fact that even I
don't really know the answer,
so instead I blankly lie.
Aug 30, 2013
Aug 30, 2013 at 11:25 AM UTC
I’ll try to write a poem for you
To show how much I care.
I’ll try to write a poem for you
To show that I wouldn’t dare
Hurt you in anyway way
Shape, or form.
I just want to hold you
And keep you extra warm.
I’ll try to write a poem
To document my love
I’ll try to write a poem,
It’s the only thing I can think of.
But the feelings I keep having
Whenever you’re around
Are something I can not describe
I can’t even make a sound.
You make me oh so happy
Still I tremble with great fear
That eventually you’ll speak those words
That I’m not strong enough to hear.
I feel it is inevitable
For you to soon realize
That I am just a giant mess
Hiding behind these eyes.
I’ve never met a single man
Or woman, young or old
As truly wonderful as you,
You fit my “perfect” mold.
I’m worried that just maybe
We’re taking things too fast
But I can’t put on the breaks
I just want this to last.
I’ve never felt like I deserved
Someone as amazing as you
I never thought that you’d exist
You’re far too good to be true.
So maybe it’s all a lovely dream
From which I’ll soon awake,
But I pray to whatever’s out there
That you are mine to take.
Jan 29, 2013
Jan 29, 2013 at 2:07 PM UTC
It is pitiful
The fact that the bar is where I find my pleasure.
Not for the alcohol, no not exactly.
But for the freedom it brings.
In the bar I am someone
I never could be.
In the bar I am seemingly
Happy.
How many ways can I say that I was not myself?
I was someone who I could only
Hope to be.
Someone that is not, never will be me.
How many times can I say how lovely it was?
How can I even begin to explain?
If I try I shall seem
Like a horrible person.
It is not for the alcohol,
But for what it can do.
How can I possibly explain the intensity of it all?
To be everything I am not.
Transformed in a night.
To crawl away from the monsters,
For just a few hours.
A happiness so fake, but even I was deceived.
Even I fell for the act.
I was complimented on my smile,
My up-beat attitude.
Kissed for my positivity.
My non-existent happiness.
I played it so well
That for a moment
Even I believed it
To be true.
Nov 5, 2012
Nov 5, 2012 at 10:49 AM UTC
My soul is a vast
terrifying wasteland.
It has always been this way.
Then you came to fill
the void in my heart
and I truly believed you were here to stay.
As a lover or friend
I felt the connection.
One I thought would never fray.
Now suddenly I am empty
a void once again.
I don't know how it came to be this way.
In a few short hours
I lost the one friend
I was sure would never stray.
It is okay if your feelings
have seeped from your heart,
But why must you leave me this way?
I gave you a chance
I gave you more and more.
But suddenly you have nothing to say.
When we parted last night,
you were my night dressed in armor.
Now you have drifted away.
I don't know what I did,
Or what I may have said
To make you want to throw me away.
From this I cannot recover.
This time it's too far.
I've lost you, you've gone far away.
Oct 28, 2012
Oct 28, 2012 at 10:56 PM UTC
Mi fai scoppiare in lacrime.
Gioia, tristezza, e l'amore.
Sono sopraffatto
ogni volta
Ti vedo.
Le Farfalle ritorno
Di volta in volta.
Il mento così prominente,
Il tuo sorriso così luminoso,
I tuoi occhi così incantevole.
Un abbraccio come nessun altro,
Caldo, pieno d'amore.
Imbarazzante e scomodo.
Baci soffici, duro, lento, veloce.
Intenso.
Fai finta di essere, cose che non sono,
Ma dentro di me vedere il tuo amore, la compassione,
La paura, il dolore, la gioia.
ride piccoli come un anello vero figlio dalla bocca,
come ** dolcemente solleticare la vostra abbronzato, ventre maculato.
Avvolto tra le tue braccia,
un bruco in un bozzolo.
Cassetta di sicurezza, suono, sicuro.
Abbiamo urlare e piangere.
Ci baciamo e ci sorridiamo.
Abbiamo fatto male e guarire.
Tu sei mia,
Io sono tuo.
Non importa chi ti ha amato,
o che vi piace quando ci separiamo,
L'amore che sgorga dal mio cuore,
per te,
Continuerà fino a che non cessa di.
Mi fai ridere,
piangere,
urlo,
brivido,
nella gioia, la rabbia, la disperazione, l'amore.
Voi mi levate dal baratro che è la mia mente.
Mi ricordi per questo che voglio essere vivo.
Aug 22, 2012
Aug 22, 2012 at 8:59 PM UTC
Being with you is having a best friend.
Giggles and belches and pillow fights.
We scream out in joy, rolling and tumbling
Across the room.
Rummaging through the fridge,
returning with armfuls of food.
The mess spreads over the whole kitchen,
Eggs cook underneath the pan.
Meals fit for giants scarfed down in seconds,
our bellies grow three times their size.
We sit, and groan, unable to move.
Smiles splashed across our faces.
Legs tangled, heads in odd angles,
Your snore like a baby bear.
We toss and turn as we pull closer,
dreaming of our future plans.
Passionate kisses, soft touches,
We exercise in the one way we know how.
As close to each other as physically possible,
"I love you" 's whispered in ears.
I talk endlessly, and you listen.
You repeat things you've told me time and again,
But I listen. Happily, for the way your eyes light up
bring happiness to my life, if only for the moment.
I know I am not alone,
I have a best friend,
A lover,
I have you.
Aug 21, 2012
Aug 21, 2012 at 8:53 PM UTC
Alone in this small
town. I have come to believe
this is my future.
solo in questa piccolo paese,
sono giunto a credere
che questo sia il mio futuro
Aug 19, 2012
Aug 19, 2012 at 10:38 PM UTC
The monster takes me under,
once again.
He tears away at my logic,
turning me an awful shade of green.
The monster takes me under,
to play with all my thoughts.
Injecting me with poison,
to make me lose control.
The monster takes me under,
makes me see things that aren't there.
The monster takes me under,
into a state of udder despair.
The monster knows how to control me,
to make me his lovely puppet.
He knows what makes me happy,
He knows what makes me sad.
But most of all the Monster knows,
What makes me jealous and oh so mad.
The monster has the power,
to turn me against my friends.
The monster knows what he wants,
and won't stop until the end.
The monster knows my pains,
and how I will react.
The monster also knows,
just when he should attack.
The monster takes me under,
he makes me turn away
from all the love I'll leave behind,
When I really want to stay.
Aug 19, 2012
Aug 19, 2012 at 10:33 PM UTC
They say their goodbyes
as I sit back and watch,
silently wishing
I was doing the same.
They will begin new lives,
happy and scared.
Meeting new people,
making life-long friends.
They are building
their future.
Educationally and
emotionally.
I pretend to be happy,
for them, again and again.
But envy engulfs me,
as I clench my fists.
I am stuck here alone,
with the old and forgotten.
Not to experience new things,
new people, new life.
I will remain the same,
neither growing nor changing.
More so, reverting
Back to the horrors I've grown to love.
I am jealous and sad,
lonely and depressed.
I pretend to be happy,
But for what good?
I will sit here alone.
Aug 19, 2012
Aug 19, 2012 at 10:32 PM UTC