yesterday,
jesus walked past me
no salvation -
called me weak,
spat in my face
red
w
ine tinted my skin
dribbled from my lips
if ‘I could change
the way she saw us
you wouldn’t wonder why
she doesn’t save
those who have
been deserted’
Apr 5, 2020
Apr 5, 2020 at 8:23 AM UTC
I heard rumours —
everybody gossips,
you were all that I believe.
Keep me wanting more,
tell your truth —
everything gets blurry,
I know I'm addicted
to you.
I’m right where you want me —
I’m young and your precious.
Straight from
the cross on your wrist
to the scars on mine.
This is to familiar
to my past,
you know it runs in my mind
that I spent half
my life living
in yours.
Mar 22, 2019
Mar 22, 2019 at 9:30 AM UTC
my day -
no, summers day,
lay cloacked in
my fog
thick and veiling
there's distant screams,
tears from another
and
the smell of
drugs - just lit.
is this how we
mourn our
violence?
Jan 21, 2019
Jan 21, 2019 at 5:21 AM UTC
I wonder
what secrets
strangers hold
in their hearts -
did he hold them
in his arms and
carry you off
the cliff too?
Or did he lay
you in bed
and cover you
with sheets?
Mar 16, 2018
Mar 16, 2018 at 2:23 AM UTC
Letting someone touch me
is like dancing with the devil.
The way I flinch
whenever someone
goes to touch
me
or the way
I have to try and train my
brain that the
boy that is holding me
at night now isn’t trying
to choke me when he
moves his hand around
my face -
all reminds of a
duet dance the stumbling
and passion.
Touching me
in the slightest is like
balancing on our toes to tango
and I hate
that my past still haunts me to this
day and I think that everyone in my
room with an outstretched hand has
a gun behind their back and
that at any moment a
sweet encounter
could be something else.
Something
terrifying,
a reminder of why
I don’t trust guys
and why I’m so desensitised
to the violence - why
don’t my eyes close and
let me snooze or drift into a
place where I cannot be hurt?
I am an adult
that is
learning to trust and to love
from the start again -
learning the basics
of human connection and
communication and
sometimes I wish you
could see through my eyes
just to realise
how dark the other side
really is.
Mar 8, 2018
Mar 8, 2018 at 1:44 AM UTC
You texted me the other day
my phone lit up and
despite there nothing special
set about your ringtone
or about the vibration pattern
attached to your number -
I knew it was you.
Now I’m
chatting with my therapist
about small talk,
tequila, religion
what you mean when
you say you’re ‘over things’
despite having left me months ago.
I leave letters to you attached to
my poems and my work
I doubt you’ll read them -
we haven’t written in a while.
I know it’s wrong -
inviting you over,
but you’ll come to my door and
you can come in quickly before
the people upstairs realise
there’s an unwelcome guest.
I’ll always find myself
tangled in your path,
our lines are forever connected and
our tangled limbs will always
outweigh the mixed messages
in-between my own lines.
Mar 2, 2018
Mar 2, 2018 at 4:58 AM UTC
I,
have spent
the last
three hours
crying.
My eyes sting
and my entire
face feels like
this dull yet
numb pain
that I couldn’t
compare to anything
other than a gunshot wound.
Each time my
heart beats without you it
sounds like a loud
boom.
Maybe because
there’s a
hole in my heart
that I try to fill
with memories of
things that I did for you,
all the compassion
and trust you placed in me.
All the times
I got to hold you,
feel your heartbeat against mine,
see you take each breath and
relax into me.
There are
memories we
have that I
will never forget.
Each memory
placed in a tear
which I’ll keep
in a little glass bottle
with your name written on it.
I wish your
last memories
were never filled with pain
that you could have been
graced with dignity not
suffering - I
wish I could have helped you.
Maybe if I looked
into the warning signs,
read a little more online,
maybe if I looked you and
cared for you just
a little bit more -
I wouldn’t
have to carve your
name
into
a stone.
Feb 22, 2018
Feb 22, 2018 at 8:57 AM UTC
It has been four
whole months
since you’ve left,
your jacket
still hangs in my closet
and you still have a
draw full your stuff in
my dresser.
We never celebrated
valentines day - yet
I still think of you
and our misfortunes -
of our three year path
that lead to
heartbreak.
Often I break down
I sit on my
knees and pray
that you never meant
the things you said -
I keep your number
saved in my phone
with hearts and x’s and o’s
just in case you call me
which, you have
when you’re drunk or high
when you’re trying to remember
why you hate me -
why my world crumbles
when you’re around
I can’t see straight or
hear the words coming out your mouth
everything you do
for better or for worse
just sounds to me like
you saying
“i love you”
Feb 14, 2018
Feb 14, 2018 at 9:47 AM UTC
You came into my life
like a hunter
an his rifle.
You held me in your arms
and when I tried to run you
made me fight and
even when you knew I was right
you’d make sure I’d lose.
But I’ll swear on your bible
that next time you’re standing
on my porch in the pouring rain
I’ll scream at you -
“Don’t you dare
try and paint me black
when I
used to be pure gold.”
Jan 28, 2018
Jan 28, 2018 at 9:34 AM UTC
When you’re not around,
I can’t stop myself from imagining
our future.
A little brick house
with a white picket fence and
two kids running around -
playing in a tree house.
Your smile could be my
favourite thing to come home to -
going on drives to the beach
on summer nights
diving into the
ocean feeling nothing but
safety and security because
you’re by my side.
I would trust you
with our children,
let you place rings on
my finger and
take care of you
when you need it most -
you just
need to let me.
Jan 25, 2018
Jan 25, 2018 at 2:41 AM UTC