rosescomewiththorns - Hello Poetry

You once said that you would always be there for me You promised that you would stand by me when they started talking You convinced me to tell and that it would all be alright You lied right to my face Did you ever plan on keeping your word Or was I another plot to play out When people started talking you packed up and left The doors were locked and the keys thrown away I am stuck sitting outside waiting for you to let me in It’s cold and lonely here You sit in your window looking down upon me I'm still waiting But this is all that we know how to do When things are scary and hard we run We build armor to protect ourselves not noticing our sword It’s crashing on her I never should have expected more from you I'm sorry that I did But you never did keep your promise to me You never did go talk to them about what happened You pretend to this day to not know or care But I know I know how every night you will always regret not going with me That regret never leaves I used to wish and hope that my friend would come back That somewhere she was still there waiting I now know that she is gone forever Not wanting to come back I should walk away from the fortress she built Leave it to crumble and crack This pain I feel is not new I just got really good at licking my wounds I showed you all my scars and who caused them You cut them open It was like childsplay for you My pain, your gain Bitterness was soon to follow I built up my armor and locked it in I was doing what I knew; protecting myself first Not seeing my hurt Not noticing we were both drowning while you took the life saver I disappeared like vapour But this is what my life has become People telling me my story is wrong I'm stuck in this small paper house About to blow down I'm just another game of cat and mouse This will end in disaster

0

Apr 4, 2018

Apr 4, 2018 at 1:08 PM UTC

rosescomewiththorns

To an American Teen

You once said that you would always be there for me You promised that you would stand by me when they started talking You convinced me to tell and that it would all be alright You lied right to my face Did you ever plan on keeping your word Or was I another plot to play out When people started talking you packed up and left The doors were locked and the keys thrown away I am stuck sitting outside waiting for you to let me in It’s cold and lonely here You sit in your window looking down upon me I'm still waiting But this is all that we know how to do When things are scary and hard we run We build armor to protect ourselves not noticing our sword It’s crashing on her I never should have expected more from you I'm sorry that I did But you never did keep your promise to me You never did go talk to them about what happened You pretend to this day to not know or care But I know I know how every night you will always regret not going with me That regret never leaves I used to wish and hope that my friend would come back That somewhere she was still there waiting I now know that she is gone forever Not wanting to come back I should walk away from the fortress she built Leave it to crumble and crack This pain I feel is not new I just got really good at licking my wounds I showed you all my scars and who caused them You cut them open It was like childsplay for you My pain, your gain Bitterness was soon to follow I built up my armor and locked it in I was doing what I knew; protecting myself first Not seeing my hurt Not noticing we were both drowning while you took the life saver I disappeared like vapour But this is what my life has become People telling me my story is wrong I'm stuck in this small paper house About to blow down I'm just another game of cat and mouse This will end in disaster

48

In my bulging closet On the floor Lays a little girl Balled up Hugging her rainbow teddy bear So sad, she is scared Her old princess dresses; The ones she no longer believes in, Brush her tear soaked hair Her hair playing back with the tulle Reminding her of the once bright screaming laughter Only making her more sad, more scared She yearns for the time daddy lifted her towards the sky on his strong shoulders When mommy would drop anything and have tea parties with her big bright teddy bears The times big brother had sleepovers and watched scary movies late at night But now daddy doesn’t lift her anywhere, But now mommy tells her that work is what pays for everything she thinks she wants, But now big brother doesn't want to watch scary movies with her, and he watches them all alone She still lays in her closet, A brand new bleak gray closet Now next to her rack of shoes; Wishing daddy never gave us reason to leave Wishing that mommy would blow off work just one more time Wishing big brother would sit down and watch old scary movies with her The little girl could not wait to grow up, The big girl just wants to go back One got what she wanted, But it wasn’t what she was promised She got the high heels and the mascara, even the shiny flute to play And she also got all the lonely broken promises and pain from all of her experiences And some things never do change, The girl still cries, still scared and still lonely, in her closet But now more sad, more alone than ever Wanting her pretty pink princess dresses Her ugly itchy hot pink boas And the fake sparkly plastic heels She no longer wants to be a big girl She says she wants to be a doctor, but really she is just scared to that say she wants anything else She really wants big brother to come hug her during a scary movie, and sleepover, and guard her She really wants weekly tea parties with mommy and big bright teddy bears She really wants one last lift towards the sky from daddy, to finally grab that bunny cloud She really wants, more than mommy and daddy and big brother, is the old rainbow teddy bear that she sat and cried with so many years ago.

0

Jan 26, 2018

Jan 26, 2018 at 1:57 AM UTC

rosescomewiththorns

My Special Hiding Spot

In my bulging closet On the floor Lays a little girl Balled up Hugging her rainbow teddy bear So sad, she is scared Her old princess dresses; The ones she no longer believes in, Brush her tear soaked hair Her hair playing back with the tulle Reminding her of the once bright screaming laughter Only making her more sad, more scared She yearns for the time daddy lifted her towards the sky on his strong shoulders When mommy would drop anything and have tea parties with her big bright teddy bears The times big brother had sleepovers and watched scary movies late at night But now daddy doesn’t lift her anywhere, But now mommy tells her that work is what pays for everything she thinks she wants, But now big brother doesn't want to watch scary movies with her, and he watches them all alone She still lays in her closet, A brand new bleak gray closet Now next to her rack of shoes; Wishing daddy never gave us reason to leave Wishing that mommy would blow off work just one more time Wishing big brother would sit down and watch old scary movies with her The little girl could not wait to grow up, The big girl just wants to go back One got what she wanted, But it wasn’t what she was promised She got the high heels and the mascara, even the shiny flute to play And she also got all the lonely broken promises and pain from all of her experiences And some things never do change, The girl still cries, still scared and still lonely, in her closet But now more sad, more alone than ever Wanting her pretty pink princess dresses Her ugly itchy hot pink boas And the fake sparkly plastic heels She no longer wants to be a big girl She says she wants to be a doctor, but really she is just scared to that say she wants anything else She really wants big brother to come hug her during a scary movie, and sleepover, and guard her She really wants weekly tea parties with mommy and big bright teddy bears She really wants one last lift towards the sky from daddy, to finally grab that bunny cloud She really wants, more than mommy and daddy and big brother, is the old rainbow teddy bear that she sat and cried with so many years ago.

42

My skin is my canvas But instead of paint I use pain Instead of a paintbrush I use a blade The pain of what they say to my face One graceful stroke The pain of what they say behind my back Two graceful strokes The pain of my own thoughts Three less graceful strokes The pain of my past Four not so graceful strokes The pain of how I scare people away Five ugly strokes The pain of feeling alone, not in a crowd alone, just alone Six disgusting strokes The more pain I feel, The more paint I leak The more disgusted I become; I now scare myself But my blood still slowly trickles out And just like paint, it can be washed away Nothing too deep to leave a scar, But deep enough to see my paint To let the pain trickle out, with the paint Until the pain starts again And until I start painting, again

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Jan 26, 2018

Jan 26, 2018 at 1:11 AM UTC

rosescomewiththorns

My Canvas

My skin is my canvas But instead of paint I use pain Instead of a paintbrush I use a blade The pain of what they say to my face One graceful stroke The pain of what they say behind my back Two graceful strokes The pain of my own thoughts Three less graceful strokes The pain of my past Four not so graceful strokes The pain of how I scare people away Five ugly strokes The pain of feeling alone, not in a crowd alone, just alone Six disgusting strokes The more pain I feel, The more paint I leak The more disgusted I become; I now scare myself But my blood still slowly trickles out And just like paint, it can be washed away Nothing too deep to leave a scar, But deep enough to see my paint To let the pain trickle out, with the paint Until the pain starts again And until I start painting, again

28

I want what you have I want your dreams; the ones that scare you shitless I want your secrets; the ones you can’t share with anyone I want the thoughts that keep you awake at night; the ones that excite you I want the ideas you want to share; the ones you know you never will share I need what you have I need your arms around my waist; the arms that will never be there I need your lips pressed against mine; the lips that mine will never touch I need your ***** smile smiling at me; the smile that will never look in my direction I need your stupid ugly khaki jacket around my shoulders; the jacket that will never be near me I wish that I have what you have I wish I had your idiotic confidence; the confidence that I will never get back I wish I had your insanely smart brain; the brain that has put up barriers against me I wish I had your annoyingly inappropriate jokes; the jokes that you stopped telling me I wish I had your ability to captivate the world; the captivation you no longer use on me I yearn for what we could have been I yearn to have an unconditional love; one that will never break I yearn to have uncontrollable kisses; ones that we are unable to stop I yearn to have cheesy promposals; ones that make everyone jealous of us I yearn for extravagant valentine's day gifts; ones that make me want to scream and cry You don't want what I have My dreams; the ones that will never happen My secrets; the ones that will tear people apart My thoughts that keep me up at night; the ones that can even terrify me My ideas that I want to share; the ones that would wreak havoc on everyone You don’t need what I have My thick messy hair; the hair that constantly falls in my face My ***** brown converse; the ones with the laces falling apart My empty grey eyes; the eyes that stare straight at you watching you ignore me My annoying voice; the voice that says ****** comments to protect herself from your friends You don’t wish to have what I have My brutal honesty; the honesty that burns bridges My crazy distrust; the distrust that worries my mother My unbelievable pessimism; the pessimism that causes people to leave My need to control everyone; the need to control that consumes all of my thoughts You don’t yearn for what we could have been You don’t yearn for unconditional love; not with me You don’t yearn for uncontrollable kisses; but with her You don’t yearn to give cheesy promposals; you would do anything to be with her You don’t yearn to give extravagant valentine's day gifts; you would give anything to be with her No matter how much I want...need...wish...yearn for you You will always be wanting, needing, wishing, and yearning for her more She is the pulsing red dot you are moving towards I am barely more than a blip on your radar.

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Jan 20, 2018

Jan 20, 2018 at 1:34 AM UTC

rosescomewiththorns

I am The Invisible Woman

I want what you have I want your dreams; the ones that scare you shitless I want your secrets; the ones you can’t share with anyone I want the thoughts that keep you awake at night; the ones that excite you I want the ideas you want to share; the ones you know you never will share I need what you have I need your arms around my waist; the arms that will never be there I need your lips pressed against mine; the lips that mine will never touch I need your ***** smile smiling at me; the smile that will never look in my direction I need your stupid ugly khaki jacket around my shoulders; the jacket that will never be near me I wish that I have what you have I wish I had your idiotic confidence; the confidence that I will never get back I wish I had your insanely smart brain; the brain that has put up barriers against me I wish I had your annoyingly inappropriate jokes; the jokes that you stopped telling me I wish I had your ability to captivate the world; the captivation you no longer use on me I yearn for what we could have been I yearn to have an unconditional love; one that will never break I yearn to have uncontrollable kisses; ones that we are unable to stop I yearn to have cheesy promposals; ones that make everyone jealous of us I yearn for extravagant valentine's day gifts; ones that make me want to scream and cry You don't want what I have My dreams; the ones that will never happen My secrets; the ones that will tear people apart My thoughts that keep me up at night; the ones that can even terrify me My ideas that I want to share; the ones that would wreak havoc on everyone You don’t need what I have My thick messy hair; the hair that constantly falls in my face My ***** brown converse; the ones with the laces falling apart My empty grey eyes; the eyes that stare straight at you watching you ignore me My annoying voice; the voice that says ****** comments to protect herself from your friends You don’t wish to have what I have My brutal honesty; the honesty that burns bridges My crazy distrust; the distrust that worries my mother My unbelievable pessimism; the pessimism that causes people to leave My need to control everyone; the need to control that consumes all of my thoughts You don’t yearn for what we could have been You don’t yearn for unconditional love; not with me You don’t yearn for uncontrollable kisses; but with her You don’t yearn to give cheesy promposals; you would do anything to be with her You don’t yearn to give extravagant valentine's day gifts; you would give anything to be with her No matter how much I want...need...wish...yearn for you You will always be wanting, needing, wishing, and yearning for her more She is the pulsing red dot you are moving towards I am barely more than a blip on your radar.

44

I am a pariah. Some see me as a joke, some see me as a mystery, some see me as a hot mess. But they all see me and refuse to stop seeing me. They unforgivingly gape and gawk at me. Everyone has their own version of the story, and I cannot tell you how many times I have been told that my version is wrong. They seem to forget that after all, it is my story, but then they remember, and then they stare. The few people that I have left continue to attempt to explain that this will all blow over with time. It has been three months since the incident occurred. Three months of staring, stories, and acting as if I’m not hearing their versions. As if I’m not hearing them call me a **** As if I’m not hearing them say that I liked what he did to me. As if I’m supposed to sit there and act like their condolences are genuine and fake a smile, just for them. At this point, I am unsure if they are even staring anymore. I am uncertain if it is all in my head, or if this is what my life will be now. I am unsure if I will ever be able to be just looked over again. I am unsure of myself and my choices and my thoughts. I don’t even know if they are mine anymore. Sometimes I wish that I could implode and make a colossal scene, but then I remember that it would just make the stares last longer. So I sit there, stuck, having to take the stares and hear their stories and listen to my uncertainty. Because after all I am just another one of their stories, and subsequently I will eventually disappear again.

0

Jan 20, 2018

Jan 20, 2018 at 1:06 AM UTC

rosescomewiththorns

Scopaesthesia

I am a pariah. Some see me as a joke, some see me as a mystery, some see me as a hot mess. But they all see me and refuse to stop seeing me. They unforgivingly gape and gawk at me. Everyone has their own version of the story, and I cannot tell you how many times I have been told that my version is wrong. They seem to forget that after all, it is my story, but then they remember, and then they stare. The few people that I have left continue to attempt to explain that this will all blow over with time. It has been three months since the incident occurred. Three months of staring, stories, and acting as if I’m not hearing their versions. As if I’m not hearing them call me a **** As if I’m not hearing them say that I liked what he did to me. As if I’m supposed to sit there and act like their condolences are genuine and fake a smile, just for them. At this point, I am unsure if they are even staring anymore. I am uncertain if it is all in my head, or if this is what my life will be now. I am unsure if I will ever be able to be just looked over again. I am unsure of myself and my choices and my thoughts. I don’t even know if they are mine anymore. Sometimes I wish that I could implode and make a colossal scene, but then I remember that it would just make the stares last longer. So I sit there, stuck, having to take the stares and hear their stories and listen to my uncertainty. Because after all I am just another one of their stories, and subsequently I will eventually disappear again.

5

I think of him and smile when he says my name I burst he makes a joke and I laugh for the whole world when he asks if I'm okay I think he cares but then I see him with her and remember he is not mine that I am just a friend a friend who he gives his jacket too when she is cold a friend who offers to punch other guys for her a friend who he kisses in a not friendly way a friend who brings her work when she is sick and stays and studies with her a friend who checks in with her mom when she is missing a friend who he holds at a dance like a friend doesn't hold someone but then I know that he is with her not me he will never be with me because we are too scared too weak too surrounded too wrong

0

Jan 13, 2018

Jan 13, 2018 at 1:22 AM UTC

rosescomewiththorns

Eric

I think of him and smile when he says my name I burst he makes a joke and I laugh for the whole world when he asks if I'm okay I think he cares but then I see him with her and remember he is not mine that I am just a friend a friend who he gives his jacket too when she is cold a friend who offers to punch other guys for her a friend who he kisses in a not friendly way a friend who brings her work when she is sick and stays and studies with her a friend who checks in with her mom when she is missing a friend who he holds at a dance like a friend doesn't hold someone but then I know that he is with her not me he will never be with me because we are too scared too weak too surrounded too wrong

19

unfair, unfair life is unfair they say, it will all be okay they say, They Turn. **** **** you wanted it they say, you should have known they say, i Cry. Quiet, Quiet! shut up leave me alone i say! make it stop i say! i screamed. pain, pain i just want to feel something i think, NO ONE even cares anymore i think, i’m gone. sorry, sorry… we didn’t realize it was that bad they say, we didn’t mean it they say, They deceive. good, good she did this to herself they think We did what we could they think They make excuses. Unfair, unfair Life is unfair i said...

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Jan 13, 2018

Jan 13, 2018 at 12:52 AM UTC

rosescomewiththorns

Life is Unfair

unfair, unfair life is unfair they say, it will all be okay they say, They Turn. **** **** you wanted it they say, you should have known they say, i Cry. Quiet, Quiet! shut up leave me alone i say! make it stop i say! i screamed. pain, pain i just want to feel something i think, NO ONE even cares anymore i think, i’m gone. sorry, sorry… we didn’t realize it was that bad they say, we didn’t mean it they say, They deceive. good, good she did this to herself they think We did what we could they think They make excuses. Unfair, unfair Life is unfair i said...

27

Mascara crusting, drying between tears Core shaking with every wail Head pounding, craving a breath of clear air Right hand shaking uncontrollably needing control Cheeks turning red, hot, and angry wanting revenge eyes closed silently Memories blast past His hand, my dark washed jeans, the only barrier between my skin and his Muscles tense up Pointer. Middle. Ring. Pinky, on the seam where one end meets another, thumb inside Frozen in speed staring blankly across the room Up three inches down one, repeat five times Higher, higher, higher Hand grabs at my zipper Instincts, do something Run away open eyes, back in my room Still shaking, mascara still crusting, core still breaking, head still pounding. the world doesn’t stop moving not for me not for him not for anyone Wipe away my tears Get up off the bed Walk over to the bathroom Stare in the mirror I don’t like what I’m looking at Weak Broken Worthless Nothingness Lean against wall Slowly slide down towards cool gray tile Icy cold hits my upper thighs Close my eyes Lean over the ground Hair strands surround my face Heat rushes over my body Sleep arrives Sleep takes over I let it take control I give in

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Jan 13, 2018

Jan 13, 2018 at 12:49 AM UTC

rosescomewiththorns

Frozen in speed

Mascara crusting, drying between tears Core shaking with every wail Head pounding, craving a breath of clear air Right hand shaking uncontrollably needing control Cheeks turning red, hot, and angry wanting revenge eyes closed silently Memories blast past His hand, my dark washed jeans, the only barrier between my skin and his Muscles tense up Pointer. Middle. Ring. Pinky, on the seam where one end meets another, thumb inside Frozen in speed staring blankly across the room Up three inches down one, repeat five times Higher, higher, higher Hand grabs at my zipper Instincts, do something Run away open eyes, back in my room Still shaking, mascara still crusting, core still breaking, head still pounding. the world doesn’t stop moving not for me not for him not for anyone Wipe away my tears Get up off the bed Walk over to the bathroom Stare in the mirror I don’t like what I’m looking at Weak Broken Worthless Nothingness Lean against wall Slowly slide down towards cool gray tile Icy cold hits my upper thighs Close my eyes Lean over the ground Hair strands surround my face Heat rushes over my body Sleep arrives Sleep takes over I let it take control I give in

42

I am scared; constantly scared that I will see him walking into the grocery store going out to eat shopping at the mall that I will turn around and see him and the only thing worse than being scared of seeing him is not seeing him not getting an apology not getting to scream not even getting to stand in front of him utterly terrified but having to think of how he is moving on with his life new school new people a whole new start how I am stuck sitting here writing about him how I can’t move on how I am stuck stuck here writing to you

0

Jan 12, 2018

Jan 12, 2018 at 11:45 PM UTC

rosescomewiththorns

Petrified

I am scared; constantly scared that I will see him walking into the grocery store going out to eat shopping at the mall that I will turn around and see him and the only thing worse than being scared of seeing him is not seeing him not getting an apology not getting to scream not even getting to stand in front of him utterly terrified but having to think of how he is moving on with his life new school new people a whole new start how I am stuck sitting here writing about him how I can’t move on how I am stuck stuck here writing to you

20

Stares burn through me Conversations stop Whispers spread Rumors start Sitting in the back of the room Nails gripping into my skin I want to scream It flashes back Can I go to the bathroom Check under the stalls Slip up cry, go away Clean makeup Walk into the room and sit down People stop and stare Class starts again I don’t Watching the clock high on the wall Waiting for the hand to move Grabbing books Running They are all talking about you You need to come back I will be there for you It will be better I'm forced to come back by others Cold cuts through me I can’t breath I see them I can suddenly breath I smile back at them Others look Oh no Stares burn through me Conversations stop Whispers spread Rumors start It will all go away soon sweetie They will stop talking Just trust me Please Walking the halls once again, again for them The same cold rips through me It is not better Not at all Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system. The person you thought you wanted is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you’ve finished recording you may hang up or press one for more options.

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Jan 12, 2018

Jan 12, 2018 at 1:46 PM UTC

rosescomewiththorns

This Time

Stares burn through me Conversations stop Whispers spread Rumors start Sitting in the back of the room Nails gripping into my skin I want to scream It flashes back Can I go to the bathroom Check under the stalls Slip up cry, go away Clean makeup Walk into the room and sit down People stop and stare Class starts again I don’t Watching the clock high on the wall Waiting for the hand to move Grabbing books Running They are all talking about you You need to come back I will be there for you It will be better I'm forced to come back by others Cold cuts through me I can’t breath I see them I can suddenly breath I smile back at them Others look Oh no Stares burn through me Conversations stop Whispers spread Rumors start It will all go away soon sweetie They will stop talking Just trust me Please Walking the halls once again, again for them The same cold rips through me It is not better Not at all Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system. The person you thought you wanted is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you’ve finished recording you may hang up or press one for more options.

45