I’m not very good at meeting people
I get stuck in my head
and before anything is said
get lost in an existential crisis
conversing and the rules thereof
imply a two-sided exchange
of information
between two people
two
people
one person
talking to
another
person
to start with
I’d hate to mislead anyone
into thinking
I’m a real person
people
maybe
fractured parts
of everyone from my past
more like
the universe and all it contradicts
wrapped in skin
every expanding cosmic mess
all caged within my chest
but I digress
the universe is too big for small talk
I don’t want to know what friends on facebook you’re keeping
or what side on tinder you’re sweeping
I want to know what keeps you from sleeping
like do you lay awake at night
wondering what the hell is up with life?
do you notice it’s weird that we just say things
abuse words like play things
waste taste in search of ratings
we sit around discussing topical themes
but can we just appreciate please
we’re all made of dying stars
inhabiting this planet of ours
with little to no answer thus far
confirming reality
through perceived causality
defining by touch
but
even that is an atom apart
this whole science thing is going to far
as my brain goes bust
it’s something I’d really like to discuss
but
basically I don’t know who I am
and somehow I’m here
attempting a verbal version
of me as a person
I’m not even sure exists yet
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 8:04 PM UTC
The last time you whine how walking down wind of that guy, who was wearing whatever the hell was his smell, made you want to curl up and die.
The first time you’ll write you should’ve stayed, instead of getting stuck in games you never should’ve played, instead of making decisions in the darkest waste to put thoughts in the farthest place.
If you’d stuck around, you might’ve been better, you could’ve made them so proud – and that’s the last time you’ll say it out loud.
The last time you’ll say you’re in the wrong place – all that should’ve been now could’ve been and so much time gone to waste.
The last time you’ll regret that which you see as a set back, the last time it’s just confidence you lack.
The last time you long to let him see how you’ve changed, from experience he helped you gain.
It’s the last time you’re going to apologise for every time you lied, everything that you chose, those open nights you cried – every time your mouth stayed closed. The way you see him in spiral throes and cutting tomatoes, you’ll say what they already know and mumble something about letting go. The last time you’ll muse how no one moved like him, the only one who became anything.
The last time from this stand you’ll fall and outwardly consider ending it all – you’re fully-grown and experience shows you’re better off alone. Sit up on your throne and pretend you know where to go.
The last time you’ll say you wish it didn’t end up this way, but you played with his heart and friendship doesn’t stretch that far.
That you never shoulda listened to anyone else.
That you shoulda just focused on how it felt.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 5:12 PM UTC
Rhythmic clunk
just as
my heart would jump
just as
too many times
burning right through
I’d trace the line,
that led to you.
A breeze of air
whips the hair
you never got to see;
claiming fairs
of all I couldn’t be.
Cutting through
interwoven lines
sunken view
good service signs
brought together
by the tube.
twenty-twelve and the whole world blocking my run
even London Underground didn’t want this one
to become
a two.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 5:11 PM UTC
When I say I study English words,
I get ‘isn’t that the language you learnt first?’
But trying to put forth thoughts from my brain
is like trying to explain the way light travels in particles
and waves.
The way it cut through the rain like some god’s rays.
I’d like some way to say I was elevated to elation with little to no explanation,
but it seems such a wasted aspiration.
I’m learning what words are worth and I’m lost searching for verses.
Abused and overused trying to convey ‘truth’,
it’s so easy for words to sound absurd with everything uttered so easily misconstrued
semantics are what create and what ruin you.
So much lost from synapse to typing,
from trying intangible angles of experiencing in writing.
Don’t relax your syntax,
it’s a flexible lexicon but you’ve got to know what you’re trying to show
or just live in hope.
Frustrated sitting in time and space wasted,
unable to find some words that relate
to this random spate
of brain activity,
then successive impressions longing to escape expressive oppression.
There’s nothing like reading a piece that leaves a lingering feeling,
something you’d been fleeing but found relief in this peace of mind
that someone, somewhere is articulating lived sensations with words
you could never seem to find.
I try to right things, when it comes to writing.
It stresses me and tests me trying to express freely,
until I’m convinced I don’t care and never wanted anything from this anyway.
And then a star fades in
and my panic starts waning
because there’s someone out there to whom it’s relating;
or the friend I never thought was reading
says it gave them a feeling and
somehow meaning
was found.
So I think what I’m trying to say is words are worthless
but sometimes they work and that’s worth it.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 5:10 PM UTC
I love you like… we’re completely different, but my biology insists.
I love you like… I hardly really know you, but you just get it.
I love you like… I need a **** and I don’t know you.
I love you like… we grew up together and now you’re everything I wish I were.
I love you like… I hate you, but can’t help it.
I love you like… I don’t know you anymore but I hope you’re ok.
I love you like… we survived school together.
I love you like… my heart bursts when I think of you.
I love you like… my heart breaks when I think of you.
I love you like… you’re the sexiest person I know.
I love you like… I wish it wasn’t so awkward
I love you like… I literally don’t know who I’d be if I had never met you.
I love you like… you laugh at all my jokes and it’s really nice.
I love you like… I’ve said more to you than anyone.
I love you like… I used to really fancy you, until I realised how much of a **** you are.
I love you like… no matter how much time passes you remain a constant.
I love you like… no one can crack me up like you.
I love you like… you’ve seen me at my worst. Thanks.
I love you like… I hate sharing a bed with any one but you.
I love you like… there’s never been anything there, too easy.
I love you like… I could take Acid with you any time.
I love you like… you were there for so many ‘first-times’.
I love you like… you fascinate me.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 5:08 PM UTC
You dug deep and gave
a guiding light.
Extinguishing this I
fumbled for my own gift
but all I could find
was emptiness.
Jan 3, 2014
Jan 3, 2014 at 9:08 AM UTC
I went outside to get inspired
took a deep breath
and looked at the sky
the darkness twinkled
speckled with stars
before I knew it
I got sidetracked
my brain bursting with the size of it all
expanding with the universe
I closed my eyes
and the best I could do
was scribble this down
Sep 13, 2013
Sep 13, 2013 at 4:28 PM UTC
I wasn’t there when
you needed me most – I guess
that makes us even.
It’s hard to believe
we share half our DNA
when we’re so distant.
Sep 13, 2013
Sep 13, 2013 at 4:18 PM UTC
I’ve always been a tea drinker, an addictive heirloom I received from my mother. There’s something so comforting about it, like it’s a nice pat on the back or a hug with which to start your day. Tea whispers courage and love into your soul and convinces you that you’re a good person, who’s worth everything and can achieve anything.
I found a love of coffee when I started working full-time in a labouring job a couple of years ago. Less loving but no less encouraging, coffee slaps you hard around the face, spits in your eyes and screams that you need to stop being a little ***** and get on with it.
And sometimes I just really need that.
Sep 3, 2013
Sep 3, 2013 at 9:55 AM UTC
You were the sweetest
guy I knew and I turned you
into the sourest.
Sep 3, 2013
Sep 3, 2013 at 5:46 AM UTC